Question & Dancer: August 2017

question-and-dancerI’m an artist not an expert, one who is learning to embrace questions more than answers.

These are some questions I got last month. Ask yours here.

Is it normal for you to feel as though you’re losing your attraction to the sex you’ve always desired bc of HOCD? I know I want to be with a man and only a man but focusing on checking and reassuring myself has started to make me lose my passion for the opposite sex:( will my attraction ever come back (I hope so)? And is it also normal to lose your sex drive bc of HOCD? 

Friend, you are describing HOCD. All this is typical for HOCD and can be treated with exposure therapy. The joy and passion that you so desperately want can be yours again if you work hard through ERP.

I’ve done ERP and reduced my HOCD symptoms drastically. Yet, I still have some worries about my sexuality. I’m no longer sure if this is normal lingering of OCD doubts or a real concern- my compulsions are less but i still do remunerate and  try to imagine my self in a same-sex relationship to cope. I don’t know if this inability to find clarity means that there a real concern as well as the OCD. 

Hi dear, it sounds like you are on the right track! I say keep up the hard work of doing exposure therapy– and don’t forget the “response prevention” part. That means keeping yourself (as best you can) from all the ruminating and checking. I am not a therapist, but I know that for my own ERP, I practiced approximately 40 minutes a day for 10 weeks before everything “clicked” for me.

Hi Jackie, I have hocd. Unfortunately there are no OCD specialists near me or anyone certified to do ERP training. The therapist I see now is only a trauma specialist but it was the best I could do. I know I can always do ERP on my own but I’m too scared and it feels too overwhelming. What should I do?

I can completely understand feeling scared and overwhelmed, my dear one. How would it feel if you were to just begin by exploring ERP, by learning about it but not actually doing it yet? I would recommending getting a book about ERP and reading it strictly for the sake of education. You will still be moving yourself forward, and perhaps it will take some of the fear and mystery out of ERP for you.

I recommend a few books to choose from here.

Hi, recently I’ve been seeing a lot of hocd related questions on your blog. Does it surprise you how many people suffer from hocd? Most people don’t even know what it is, or even believe it to be a real issue. 

You know, at first it surprised me, but after a couple years of hearing from primarily HOCD sufferers, I am no longer shocked. I suspect that people might end up on my blog because HOCD is not talked about as frequently elsewhere on the internet. I don’t know if that is true, but I do know that if you google HOCD, my blog appears twice on the first page. This month I received 16 questions via my blog, and 15 were about HOCD. I promise you: it is very, very real.

my OCD is currently under control but i wonder how it is i’ll ever learn to live with this mind of mine? the endless doubt- never knowing whether something is just OCD or Real?

Hello dear one, wow, I can remember feeling that same way, and for SO LONG too. Life is no longer like that for me, and I trust that you can have the same experience. Part of it for me was having doubt lose its power over me (this was via ERP therapy), and part of it is starting to recognize which of my thoughts fit the “community standard” and which did not.

I talk a little about “community standard” here.

Jackie, I feel so lost and scared. I’m a female with hocd and there are sometimes when I get terrifying thoughts like, I should just try being with a female and not care because I might like it, and then I see a female I know in my head. My worries never end. Besides doing ERP, what other advice can you give me?

Well, of course ERP is always my #1 suggestion. Other things that might help can include medication like an SSRI. Many people with OCD have found relief via mindfulness, but that is not something I have explored much on my blog, since I always recommend ERP. If you are not ready for exposure therapy, consider at least taking the time to read a book about it. Education is a great weapon against OCD.

Jackie, the phrase “don’t knock it till you try it” is really scaring me because I have hocd and this is making me feel like I should try a same sex relationship!!
😦

I know what it’s like to have a phrase seemingly take the rug out from under my feet. But try not to assign so much meaning to a phrase. There are certain things that phrase makes sense with– like trying new vegetables or taking an art class. There are plenty of things it doesn’t make sense with– like trying cocaine or quitting your job to start a crocodile petting zoo. It’s just hard for someone with OCD to sort through it all. The best suggestion I have is exposure therapy. Lots of details here.

Hi Jackie, I have had hocd for a while now. I was texting a friend from church (we are both females) and suddenly I got a thought that, I keep checking my phone because I want her to text me back. I like the attention she’s giving me etc. it’s got me all worried now that maybe I’m crushing on her? Or this is attraction?

Hi dear, this is so similar to many stories I have heard about how HOCD suddenly flared up for them … thinking a friend looked pretty that day, wanting to hear from someone, etc. We assign too much meaning to it. Theoretically, I’m sure you know that most people love attention from their friends, love to hear from them, especially if the conversation is an exciting one. But most do not suddenly worry that means they like that friend romantically. That is where someone with OCD shows how differently their brain is wired. You can rewire it through ERP.

Okay I am 100% sure I’m straight but this is where it gets weird. For some reason nothing was turning me on so instantly my mind thought I was gay. Dumb, right? I thought it’d eventually go away but it got worse. When I’m not thinking about it I can watch normal videos fine but when I watch a video of a male and it pops up I think I’m about to get turned on but mind you, I’m completely soft.

I know this can feel so scary, as if you’ve lost all attraction, but that is commonly reported by people with HOCD. The only question you (technically) asked is, “Dumb, right?” To which I would say, “No. Not dumb. Just HOCD.”

Hi Jackie, I have hocd and it’s terrible. Every time I hear or watch something that just has a normal positive message of, “be your true self, never hide who you are and love yourself ” I automatically think that I’m gay and should come out and not be afraid. Is this just my OCD?

It sure sounds like it. Many people with OCD twist well-intentioned words, giving them too much meaning. The best thing that you can do for yourself is pursue exposure therapy. Read more at http://www.jackieleasommers.com/OCD.

I’m a female with hocd. Why does it FEEL like I’m gay when I know I don’t want to be with girls, when I know I don’t want to be in a relationship with them? Often times my brain feels like it tries to convince me to even like a pretty girl I know! Please help I’m so confused 

It feels that way because of OCD. In non-OCD minds, there is a gate that opens and closes easily– thoughts can come and go as they please, and with fairly little stress. But in an OCD mind, a thought enters and the gate locks shut, which means that that thought just goes around and around and around and around. It is hard to find relief. With exposure therapy (ERP), that gate begins working properly again.

I’m worried. I have hocd and sometimes when I do get my attraction to guys back I’m a female btw, I now worry I’m bi??? Because I’m still thinking about girls and being afraid to look at pretty ones and worrying if I might like one. So I’m all confused that now I’m bi since I’m thinking about both??

I know that this probably sounds like the opposite of what you want, but the truest relief and freedom comes from not having to be certain about these things. I detail the benefits of that here. Please, please read it. I think it might help to make ERP make more sense.

Jackie I have hocd and I’m scared because I keep getting groinal responses every time I look at girls. It feels so automatic like I can always expect for it to come and I’m so aware of it. I have read that a lot of other people experience this too but I’m still pretty worried. 

It feels like your body is betraying you, doesn’t it? You’re right– that’s a very common experience for those with ERP. Start by not assigning it too much meaning, and please read these interviews with Hannah, who formerly struggled with HOCD. I think they will help.

Interview with a Former HOCD Sufferer
Another Interview with a Former HOCD Sufferer
A Third Interview with a Former HOCD Sufferer
A Fourth Interview with a Former HOCD Sufferer
Q&A with Former HOCD Sufferer

Hi I’m 15 years old, I’ve never thought I was gay/bisexual before. Always like boys (I’m a girl by the way). Never had a girl crush. But now everytime I see a girl I think Could I kiss her, have sex with her or could i see a future ( like dating or marriage) with her? Whenever I think about it I frown and get upset. I have OCD/Anxiety disorder, which I was diagnosed with.

Hi dear, a very common experience amongst those with HOCD. I recommend ERP. This might help: https://jackieleasommers.com/2015/07/29/hocd-a-letter-to-loved-ones.

Hi I’m 14 and I found out I have OCD I’ve told my parents and I had a really bad panic attack bc of thinking I will hurt my family then months go by and my sister called me a lesbian to impress her crush. Then I have theses thoughts of being bisexual but I’m not bc I like guys and not girls I freak out bc if I see a girl who is pretty my thoughts are all like your bisexual and I know I’m not 

Hello friend, I’m so sorry that your sister did that. I’m guessing she didn’t know what kind of agony it would cause for you. Please read this post and consider sharing it with your family if you think it might help: https://jackieleasommers.com/2015/07/29/hocd-a-letter-to-loved-ones.

Is it part if HOCD to experience an errection while watching gay porn? Like first there is an extreme tension in the chest followed by an errection. 

Yes, this can definitely happen! Exposure therapy is the answer!

Jackie, I have hocd and I’m worried about the whole “sexuality is fluid” thing. I know it’s different for everyone, but the it’s scaring me that I often see for example, celebs who have been with the opposite sex, just start relationships with the same ones and say they like it? So now I’m wondering, well what if I do the same, and I end up liking it too?? 

Hi friend, I hope this post will help.

Hey. So I know that many of us look up to celebs and think they’re very pretty or love their movies and songs etc. I have hocd, but I’ve always really liked Jennifer Lawrence. I was watching an interview of hers and suddenly it made me feel like I am gay for her and wouldn’t mind being in a same sex relationship with someone like her. Now I’m very confused/worried. Help??

Is it causing you anxiety? If so, it may very well be HOCD. Check out these posts about it and see if you can relate!

HOCD
A Closer Look at HOCD
Interview with a Former HOCD Sufferer
A Big Ol’ HOCD Post
Another Interview with a Former HOCD Sufferer
A Third Interview with a Former HOCD Sufferer
A Fourth Interview with a Former HOCD Sufferer
Q&A with Former HOCD Sufferer
HOCD Story: Meet Mae, Part One
HOCD Story: Meet Mae, Part Two

Hi Jackie, I’m a teen with hocd. Recently I decided I’m not gonna be scared of the thoughts and to stop avoiding stuff that triggers my anxiety. However, as I was doing exposure today by watching a coming out video which explained how the girl didn’t enjoy sleeping with men, I suddenly got worried wondering. well what if I’m the same? I’ve never had a bf. How do I know I’ll even like it??? 

I know that people with HOCD can see or hear one thing and then– BAM!– their minds are off to the races, so to speak. You are doing the right thing by not avoiding stuff that triggers your anxiety; next, you need to stop doing things that alleviate that anxiety (the compulsions, whether that means seeking reassurance, checking your body for reactions, etc.). This is how exposure therapy works. Read more at http://www.jackieleasommers.com/OCD.

I consider myself a straight man suffering from HOCD. i am completely cured, but when I think of having romantic attraction to same sex, i feel grossed out but at the same time I feel a sensation in my groinal area. It has occurred atleast 3 times now. I have not experienced anything similar for girls being a boy. So, is this a sign of being gay or is this just a groinal response?

Does it cause intense anxiety for you? That sounds like HOCD. You say you’re completely cured, but OCD is not cured typically (though I have heard of a couple miraculous recoveries). Usually it is just managed and maintained.

Hi! 4 years ago my obsession about my sexual orientation started. A couple of months ago I heard about HOCD & felt completely identified. I was wondering whether is possible to have this disorder without being previously diagnosed with OCD. I’ve been through my past trying to find OCD signs & some things made me think that they were ocd’s behaviors. I also went through anorexia. What do u think?

Remission
Healed Not Cured: Remission & Relapse
OCD in Remission
Life after Treatment
When to expect a relapse
Am I Bitter?
Lies I Sometimes Still Believe
Managing OCD-in-Remission

Im a female with hocd but I’m not trying to ask for reassurance, but more so recognize the way OCD likes to behave. Whenever I read a book or watch a video in the perspective a guy, and he’ll be talking about a girl, just ordinary stuff, it makes me feel as though I’m in his situation and I can see myself with the girl, and it makes me anxious. Is this my hocd? 

Sounds like it, yes. I’m a young adult author, and right now, half of the book I’m writing is from the male perspective. It can definitely be interesting to write about “oh she’s so gorgeous,” etc. 🙂 If the anxiety becomes intense, please don’t hesitate to pursue exposure therapy, which you can learn about at http://www.jackieleasommers.com/OCD.

Do you know many people who did self-oriented ERP and succeeded? Thank you very much Jackie :D.

The best example I know is Shannon Shy, who is now president of the board of directors for the International OCD Foundation. Follow him here. He is endlessly encouraging.

Thanks for all the questions, folks! If you have questions for me about anything (but especially faith, creativity, and mental illness), add yours here.

As I said, I’m an artist not an expert. I will leave you with these, some of my favorite questions in one of my favorite poems, “Questions about Angels.” Click here to hear Billy Collins himself read it. (P.S. It starts with questions, ends with a dancer.

Question & Dancer: This & That

question-and-dancerI’m an artist not an expert, one who is learning to embrace questions more than answers.

These are some questions I got last month. Ask yours here.

I have hocd, and I’m a 17 year old girl. I was wondering, is it weird if I still get crushes on guys during this? sometimes I doubt if I even do like them and the feelings feel fake and forced. Other times, no. Since my hocd started I haven’t been able to really like a guy. If I do, my crush goes away quickly. This makes me worried and makes me think that I can never truly like a guy ever again. 

Dear one, not weird at all. HOCD will do whatever it can to confuse you. Please be sure to read about HOCD and ERP at http://www.jackieleasommers.com/OCD.

Hi Jackie! My question concerns telling my significant other about my HOCD. I have already told him a bit about my same sex attraction fears (around 1.5 yrs ago) but at the time, I didn’t realize it was HOCD. Now that I know HOCD is the culprit I am wondering if you have any advice as to how to explain… I am afraid he won’t believe its HOCD and indefinitely doubt my affection for him. 

This is definitely up to you. I think this is the one of the hugest fears for someone with OCD. I did write a letter you can give to your SO to try to explain things better. It’s available here: https://jackieleasommers.com/2015/07/29/hocd-a-letter-to-loved-ones.

I just want to say, a massive thank you. I´ve been on hell for the past six months, or maybe more. i even thought about killing myself. and i trully did search for so many blogs, but they are mostly about guys so i didnt feel like i found answers. But this is the first site that is from a girl. Made me feel like there is hope. I hope eventually i get to tell you how truly straight i feel i am.

Thank you for your sweet message. I promise you there is hope, and I look forward to hearing from you after you’ve undergone treatment. In the future, if you are feeling suicidal, don’t hesitate to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or chat with them here.

I feel like I have accidently made vows to give up things that i enjoy and i didnt want to give them up. I have OCD, but would the vows be binding? For example: “if i step on a crack, i have to stop doing this activity” but sometimes i feel like i mentally agree to it for a split second after the thought comes in my head. Like its 90% intrusive, but 10% my intentional.

I experienced this intrusive vow-making too, back when I was in high school, and it was a dark, dark time of my life. I don’t think that you are bound to these because it is OCD making the vow, not you. In any case, it is better not to focus on “solving” the vow-making but on treating OCD with exposure therapy. Best wishes!

Another vow question. I just feel so stressed because I really feel like I have to give up my two favorite activities according to the vows. After that I am left with no form of enjoyment. Even when I try ERP,  i feel like i am sinning by breaking promises to God and I dont even enjoy doing the activities anymore because of the anxiety.I feel like there is no hope. What do I do?

I also worried that my ERP might be sinful. I hope this post will help you: https://jackieleasommers.com/2014/08/03/ocd-scrupulosity-is-erp-sinful.

Hi Jackie, I have hocd. What worries me a lot is that I don’t have any attraction to guys (I’m a female). I want to like someone but I feel empty and don’t feel any attraction even though they might be perfect for me. What do you think?

Hello lovely, this is perfectly normal for someone with HOCD, and you can defeat it with exposure (ERP) therapy, which you can read about at http://www.jackieleasommers.com/OCD. There are resources there too in case you can’t afford therapy but would like to do it on your own.

Jackie, I’m a female with hocd. I know it is common for people to lose attraction to the opposite sex during this, but will I ever like another guy again?? It honestly feels like I won’t. 

Oh dear one, yes, I truly believe that you will. ERP therapy can help. You are not alone by any means, and I hope that as you read through the questions in this post, you will see that.

Hello! I believe that I have been suffering from HOCD for the past 8 years (this started when I was only 12, unfortunately). I’ve never been diagnosed or treated. However, my question is: is it normal/common for OCD compulsions to change over time?? 

Yes indeed! As obsessions and compulsions shift, we call this “theme hopping,” and you can read about it here: https://jackieleasommers.com/2014/01/19/theme-hopping.

I’ve been told I have HOCD. I have worried about this  on and off. My first time I was 12 & I remember crying to my parents & I think I said something along the lines “I’m staying straight & then I don’t have to be made fun of” now that scares me because that means I’m afraid of society & that’s what gay people go through. Now I feel like I want to be straight just for society reasons. Please help

It is very common for people with OCD to think back on old memories (even ones that have never bothered them before) and suddenly become fixated on them. Sounds like your experience is very consistent with OCD/HOCD. Have you explored ERP therapy? You can read about it at http://www.jackieleasommers.com/OCD!

Hi, I’m a 16 year old girl who has been suffering with HOCD for roughly 8 months now. I have come to the conclusion that the only way to overcome this is through therapy, but I’m scared to ask for help and recieve it. How do I ask my parents? I feel like if I sit them down to ask them for help, they will assume that I’m coming out or they’ll try to get too much information out of me. Help!

I hope that this will help, my dear: https://jackieleasommers.com/2015/07/29/hocd-a-letter-to-loved-ones.

How can I begin ERP for my HOCD by myself?

Hi friend, you can read about self-directed ERP therapy here: https://jackieleasommers.com/2014/10/05/self-directed-erp-therapy.

Should I open up to family & my boyfriend about my HOCD? It terrifies me to think about telling them about it. Can I deal with it alone?

You can choose to do whatever makes YOU feel most comfortable. Please don’t overthink this (I know that’s a silly think to say to someone with OCD, but I want to give you permission to do what you choose). The links in the answers to the two questions just above yours will be useful (I hope!) in choosing whether it is a better option for you to tell your family and boyfriend or whether to go after ERP therapy alone. Best wishes.

Jackie, I’m scared. I had a dream last night in which I married a female I know. (I’m a female with hocd). It was very detailed, including me being with her in bed. This is the second time this female has appeared in my dreams, I have no idea why. I was unhappy in my dream but I’m lost and terrified that this is a prediction to my future???

I know why: because you have HOCD and have been obsessing about this. It makes sense that it would carry over into your dreams. In this interview with a former HOCD sufferer, she talks about having the same experience: https://jackieleasommers.com/2013/10/20/interview-with-a-former-hocd-sufferer. It is not a prediction of your future, dear. It is natural for our waking concerns to sometimes leak into our dreams.

Can HOCD turn into straight OCD, i´ve spent many times on internet which made it worse. and since truly gay ppl have straight ocd, its now like i kinda have that. To be honest i am about to take sleep pills. Hope there is light

There is light. I promise. Firstly, if you are feeling suicidal, don’t hesitate to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or chat with them here. OCD can twist and morph through the weeks and years, so that is not unusual. It will do what it can to make you miserable until you learn to be comfortable with uncertainty. The best method for doing so is the evidence-based approach of ERP (exposure and response prevention) therapy, which you can learn about at http://www.jackieleasommers.com/OCD.

Where’s the best place to get diagnosed in the Twin Cities? I’m positive I have HOCD but I’ve never been diagnosed with any form of OCD and I’m worried I’m in denial.

Hi friend, here are a couple resources for you:
https://jackieleasommers.com/twin-cities-ocd
https://jackieleasommers.com/2017/07/24/qa-with-an-erp-therapist

If I’m struggling with hocd, do you think I should stay away from psych forums? I’m already getting help for therapy and medicine though. But do you think it’s my way of just reassuring myself? 

Yes, I really do think it is unhealthy for you to be on the psych forums. Part of your ERP should be avoiding compulsions, and I think this way of seeking reassurance is one. I’m so excited for you that you’re doing therapy and meds though! Are you doing ERP and not talk therapy, I hope?

Please read the following: https://jackieleasommers.com/2014/11/16/talk-therapy-vs-erp-therapy.

I have Hocd been going for 4 months.i always got aroused from girl and lez porn,but I did not wanted to do anything with girls.I once thought about kissing a girl and these things are fuelling my hocd.Yesterday I was horny.I decided to watch lesbian porn to check and I got really aroused i tried to think about having sex with a girl and I felt real arousal like i feel with men.Is my hocd or Im bi?

Does it feel intrusive and unwanted? This is part of how we define OCD.

What do you think of group therapy like DBT for OCD? Specifically hocd

I’ll admit that I’m not very familiar with DBT, though I have heard great things about it, especially in regard to treating things like borderline personality disorder. The evidence-based #1 treatment for OCD is exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).

Have you read, “All the light we cannot see” by Anthony Doerr? “Everything Everything” by Nicola yoon? And “Unbroken” by Laura Hillenbrand? Those are very good reads. Also, what’s your most favorite book of all time? 

I have read the first two, and I own the third book, but I haven’t had a moment to read it yet! My most favorite book of all time? Man, that’s difficult! I am going to go with Saving Francesca and its companion The Piper’s Son by Melina Marchetta. But everything Marchetta writes is magical. I also love The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis, The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater, The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle, Peace Like a River by Leif Enger. (Sorry, it’s just so hard for me to only say one!!)

https://jackieleasommers.com/2014/08/04/read-these-10-novels-and-we-can-be-friends

Jackie I’m scared. I find myself constantly fearful because of my OCD. I have hocd, and I’m always terrified of the “what if..” although I have never questioned my sexuality, I feel as though nothing helps convince me I’m not gay. Some days I’m just depressed. My mind also wanders a lot. I’m not ready for ERP, but what should I do?

If you are not ready for ERP, the next best thing you can do is start to learn more about OCD and ERP. Education matters. It’s an incredible way to fight back. Track down some books and learn. You begin to steal back power this way.

I’m a female junior in high school, and I sometimes feel hopeless if I will ever get a guy. Every where I look people are in relationships. I’ve never had a boyfriend or even a first kiss. I know god always has a plan, but how can I trust him and know I won’t be alone forever?

Hi honey. I’m 35 and single. I completely get it, I promise. In fact, just this last week, I found myself asking my friends this same question, “will I be alone forever?” I guess that is where trust comes into play. We just don’t know, do we? BUT I do believe that when we love and honor God and follow him, he is the one who gives us our desires– in two ways. He gives us the actual desire– and then fulfills it too. I am being inarticulate. Let me try again. I think that God has given me the desire to be in love. I trust that he will also fulfill that God-given desire with a partner.

Is it normal for HOCD to play a part into ur relationship and make u question ur feelings for a person when u know in ur heart that you love/are attracted to them? Where when ur having guilt&questioning yourself about ur sexuality bc of HOCD u feel like maybe ur not in love w ur s/o or that ur not attracted to them when you know you are but ur intrusive thoughts try to make u think otherwise. 

HOCD and ROCD both cause havoc in relationships, yes. The best thing you can do is to treat the OCD itself with exposure therapy. You can do this, if not for yourself then for your relationship.

I have had HOCD it’s only getting worse. im starting to feel like I’m not in control of my mind. Sometimes Ill convince myself I want to be w a girl when really I just think they’re pretty! I feel like I have to accept being gay to get rid of these awful thoughts&everytime I try to I get so mad bc I know that isn’t me. I’ve always wanted to be with a man, never a woman. I’m scared of my own mind. 

Oh dear one, you are not alone. I promise there is help and hope and light. In exposure therapy (ERP), your brain gets rewired in a healthy way, a way that allows room for uncertainty. That might sound terrible, but it is one of the greatest gifts ever: to be able to let thoughts come and go without having to be sure about everything. It’s a new life. It’s freedom. Please read more at http://www.jackieleasommers.com/OCD.

Thanks for all the questions, folks! If you have questions for me about anything (but especially faith, creativity, and mental illness), add yours here.

As I said, I’m an artist not an expert. I will leave you with these, some of my favorite questions in one of my favorite poems, “Questions about Angels.” Click here to hear Billy Collins himself read it. (P.S. It starts with questions, ends with a dancer.

Question & Dancer: I Promise There is Hope

question-and-dancerI’m an artist not an expert, one who is learning to embrace questions more than answers.

These are some questions I got last month. Ask yours here.

Ok I am so confused lately. I am a 27 year old male and has had what I consider to be HOCD for at least 4 years now When I was younger people used to ask if I was gay, and that never bothered me until more recently since I started to have this OCD. More recently however I am starting to doubt myself because it is starting to feel realer and realer. Wanna do ERP but I am very anxious about it.
I was so anxious to do ERP too! In fact, I almost bailed partway through– right before everything ended up “clicking” for me. Read up about it beforehand so that you have an idea of what to expect. I always say that you will be ready for ERP when the hell of daily life with OCD is worse than the anxiety over ERP. I will say this: it was one of the greatest things I have ever done for myself. Twelve weeks of ERP vs. twenty years of OCD (with no end in sight)? There’s a clear winner there.
Can HOCD actually begin to feel real? At the start, it caused me loads of anxiety but now I’m starting to believe it and it scary 😦
Hello dear, yes, I think that most people with HOCD get to that point. I’m sorry for all your fear and anxiety. ERP can help.
Hi! I did the harder exposures for HOCD (I’m a girl by the way) and it really terrifies me to the point of tears while doing the exposure of looking at a androgynous female. It bothered me immensely but I stayed with it. However, I felt fearful and anxious at the same time because I actively avoid it because of the fear of attraction. Is that still HOCD?
If you are fearful that you are sexually attracted to females, it’s quite likely HOCD, yes. I remember crying while doing exposures too. Please don’t quit the exposures– but also, please do be kind to yourself. Give yourself a treat: ice cream, a nap, a new pair of shoes. What would you do for your best friend if he or she was going through all this? Treat yourself just as kindly. But don’t give up on the exposures.
Hi Jackie, I’ve had hocd for over a year now and it’s been rough. For the past three months I’ve been using this new medication and I believe I’ve gotten better. But, whenever I get my intrusive thoughts my brain doesn’t spike much of a reaction anymore and I’m not as scared. This is making me worried because I feel like my fear shows I’m not gay but now I’m not so sure. Can medicine do that?
I feel like this is such a nasty paradox with OCD! We get so much torturous anxiety– and we hate it– but then, if the anxiety lessens or goes away, we start to fear there’s a reason behind that. Please remember that the goal is to not have those extreme reactions when you have intrusive thoughts, so you are moving in the right direction! Thoughts are just thoughts. Everyone has weird thoughts, but most people can just let them go, whereas for those of us with OCD, we hold onto them and give them too much meaning and make ourselves sick ruminating. Let the thought just be a thought. It is good that the anxiety lessens in time.
Jackie, is this a compulsion? Every time I get worried about my hocd thoughts, my reaction is to go God and pray that I’m not gay. I know I don’t want to be gay. I just want to be a straight female and have a guy. But I feel like god is my only true hope for getting better although I’ve been doubting him a lot with all of this hocd stuff
Ritualistic prayer was also one of my compulsions. I would pray to “ward off” blasphemous thoughts and curse words that would pop into my head. But I also could tell a difference between my true, heartfelt prayers and the automatic ones that I was using as a compulsion. I kept doing the former, but the latter ones, I stopped. At first, because it was so automatic, it was very hard to stop, but I would actually interrupt myself and think No. I do not need to pray ritualistically. I didn’t think it would work– but it did!
How long did you personally have hocd for?
I had a brief bout with HOCD in junior high. My primary obsessions through the years were religious ones though.
Jackie I feel like my hocd gets MUCH worse when my period roles around. Could this be true? I just feel way more depressed and my intrusive thoughts get more frequent and intense.
I really do believe this can be true, even though I don’t know enough about the science behind it.  But on my period, my hormones are all out of whack, and everything seems more intense and stressful and emotional for me. I feel sadder and lonelier on my period, and sometimes I have bad cramps, so I’m in actual pain and cranky about it. I am definitely not my best on my period or in the days right before it, and I’ve had the same experiences with my OCD being worse then (I’m not sure if it’s worse– or if I’m weaker– during those days!).
Jackie I’ve had hocd for a while now. How did you stay strong? How did you not cave in and truly lose hope by believing you’re gay?
I spent 15 years with OCD before I was finally diagnosed, then another five before I began the exposure therapy that gave me back my life and freedom. How did I stay strong during that time? Honestly, I was not strong a lot of that time. I cried a lot, but I also surrounded myself with the most incredible people: family and friends and mentors and roommates who let me lean on them in my weakness. My Christian faith is also a ballast for me, although OCD went after that pretty hard, and I had to rely on the faith of my friends and family, if that makes any sense. Make sure that you have an incredible support system, one that won’t enable you but that will let you be honest about your struggles and will love you, even in your darkest, weakest, most hopeless moments.
I lived with my friend Desiree for seven years, and she saw me through some of the very worst times with my OCD. She wrote this post about it, in case you’re interested!
Jackie, my therapist and my mom both say I try and convince myself that I’m truly gay ( I have hocd). I just can’t help being very doubtful all the time. Even when I like a guy through all of this I still doubt if everything is fake. Advice?
This is what the doubting disease does– it poisons everything! The very best advice I have is to treat it with exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, which can be done with a specialist or on your own with the help of a book from the library. Be sure to check out my posts at http://www.jackieleasommers.com/OCD for more details and book suggestions!
Hi Jackie I’m a female and I have had hocd for nearly 13 months now. I stare at girls so much! In my head I constantly hear myself saying “wow she’s so pretty” and I can’t stop thinking that. It haunts me later in my day as I keep seeing any girl in my head from school. What should I do?
This is what OCD/HOCD will do until you either switch to another obsession or treat it. I recommend treating it with exposure therapy! Please check out my posts about HOCD and about ERP at http://www.jackieleasommers.com/OCD. It changed my entire life.
I’ve had hocd for a long time now and I know ERP is the right thing but I’m too scared to do it. I just don’t feel mentally mature or ready enough to do it. What do you think? Should I just face it head on?
This is such a good question. I didn’t feel ready for it for a while either. When I felt I had exhausted all my other options, I knew it was time. Most of the time, ERP is not done via “flooding” (which is what I think you mean by “face it head on”) but rather via a strategic hierarchy. You start with the things that make you least anxious and work up to the doozies later on. I think this is probably the best way to go after ERP; it builds confidence early on when you win a few smaller victories, plus your brain begins to change, giving you more tools for attacking the harder things later. I remember on my first day with my ERP therapist, he said we would work up to X, and I thought, “If you think that I will EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER do X, you’ve got another thing coming, mister.” And yet, about 12 weeks later, I was there. Terrified, yes. Anxious, yes. But it had gone from being utterly impossible to being possible-but-scary. And after that, my OCD snapped in half. I’ve had freedom for nine years now.
How do I know if my therapist is good? Upon graduating college, I have developed extreme anxiety and HOCD. I found a therapist who preaches ERP but does not have good reviews online. I met him for the initial consult and liked him but how do I know whether I should trust him.
Do the reviews say that they don’t like him personally or that he doesn’t know his practice? You don’t need to like an ERP therapist for ERP to work. In fact, at the time, I thought my ERP therapist was a monster. (Now he is my hero.) Our personalities did not jive and, of course, he was asking me to do things I didn’t want to do (this is the nature of ERP therapy!). Make sure that you have educated yourself on what ERP should look like, so that you will be able to recognize if he is guiding you correctly. As far as whether or not he’s likable … meh. Not what matters in this situation.
Read about my reunion with my ERP therapist, seven years after I last left his office.
I feel really sad. Some days my hocd is not that intense and I’m sure I’m straight but other days its bad.When I’m convinced I’m gay, I get very depressed. I withdraw and stop doing anything, and spend the majority of my time in bed. They tell you in therapy that if you hate the idea of being gay, that you don’t like the idea of being with the same sex then you’re not gay. Do you agree with this?
I hate to speak in too wide of generalities, but if I am interpreting your question correctly, I would say yes IN GENERAL. Again, I don’t know that it is helpful to speak in such wide-spreading generalities. I did ask some of my friends (both with HOCD and others who are gay) to answer a variety of questions so I could compare them. I thought the results were interesting. Friend, please consider exposure therapy to treat your HOCD. It is the #1 treatment for OCD recommended by all OCD experts, and it changed my life. I know those depressed days spent in bed all too well. You can move past this.
Is there really a light at the end of the tunnel? I feel hopeless. I have hocd and hate my life because I just feel depressed. I want to be better but I can’t bring myself to give effort. I get told, happiness is a choice. But I feel like this doesn’t apply to people who suffer from OCD?
Friend, I promise there is light. And hope. And freedom. Exposure therapy can help you get there.
Ahhh yes, the choose happiness thing. Blah. Let me say first that I agree with you.
Here is my post entitled I Don’t CHOOSE to be Unhappy. Later, post-ERP, I wrote a post where I talked about choosing to be happy. The very next day I posted again and this time included what I called a “thoughtful caveat”:
P.S. I want to clarify: this post is not in contradiction to this one. I still believe that many people with brain disorders do not have the capability to simply choose to be happy. But I am finding in my own life that medication and OCD treatment and talk therapy and prayer are tools that are making that more and more possible for me. I am one of the lucky ones who has had so many opportunities and resources. They are opening up new doors for me that were locked even just a year ago. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks for all the questions, folks! If you have questions for me about anything (but especially faith, creativity, and mental illness), add yours here.

As I said, I’m an artist not an expert. I will leave you with these, some of my favorite questions in one of my favorite poems, “Questions about Angels.” Click here to hear Billy Collins himself read it. (P.S. It starts with questions, ends with a dancer.)

nOCD, an ERP App/Hero

If you’ve spent time around this blog, you know that I wrestled my life and freedom back from the clutches of obsessive-compulsive disorder in 2008. (Read more about my story at jackieleasommers.com/OCD).

From the onset of my symptoms to my diagnosis: 15 years.
From my diagnosis to appropriate treatment (ERP): 5 years.
From treatment to freedom: 12 weeks. (<–Read that again please.)

Exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy is powerful, friends.

On average, it takes OCD sufferers 14-17 years to get the correct diagnosis and treatment. This is not okay. 

So many OCD sufferers cannot afford treatment. In some countries, ERP therapy is simply not available. In fact, in some countries, the stigma associated with having a brain disorder like OCD is so strong that sufferers would not dare admit to needing help. This is not okay. 

The creators of the nOCD app felt the same way. One contacted me and said, “Our goal is to reduce the time it takes for people with OCD to get effective treatment (from decades to minutes).” He said, “One thing advocacy has shown me is the need for OCD treatment in other countries! There are people in Bangladesh, India, etc that have literally nobody! My team is actually building a 24/7 support community within nOCD to combat this issue.”

The app is FREE and, I-hope-I-hope-I-hope, going to change the world.

Some of the very best things about this app:

nocd.jpg

Right now it’s available for iPhones, but this fall, the Android version will come out. Please check it out here. And be sure to tell me what you think!

xoxo Jackie

Guest Post: My ERP Experience

With her permission, I am sharing a comment from ashley1234567890, one I found particularly insightful.

And here she is …

I went through ERP and had fantastic results. It was a huge blessing for me, and I thank God that he gave me the courage to try it.

I am no expert, but i did have a really bad case of OCD, which got a lot better after ERP, so here are my recomendations, that in hindsight, were key to my success.

NOTE: my ocd did not get worse with ERP (it got so much better) even though the treatment was very intense!

If you qualify for ERP therapy, and you are considering it, then do not let fear keep you from going. The only caveat is to make sure you find an expert who treats ERP because it is specialized therapy. For example, my therapist was willing to meet me outside of their office for exposures, because my ocd spiked at a particular place. I also recommend finding someone who has experience with whatever ocd you are facing. For example, my therapist had experience with germ ocd, harm ocd, religious ocd, sexual oreintation ocd, etc… so i knew they were highly qualified. they should also give you exercises so you can do your own exposures.

As for ERP, It seems counterintuitive at first, since the patient will go through exercises and narrations that are asking them to run towards their fears (instead of running away from them), which in turn causes anxiety to spike, and while super anxious the patient will be asked to temporaily stay in that state while resisting compulsions that are normally used to reduce the anxiety. If you face the obsession and not give in to the compulsion, then the cycle breaks, which in turn makes you less anxious. That is where “exposure and response prevention” comes from.

My treatment was gradual at first (small fears first then you move onto bigger ones) also, my initial exposures were designed so that anxiety was moderate so I could handle it, and then over additional sessions, they were changed to more intense ones.

For me, it took me about 12 sessions to complete treatment. I noticed some big gains after the first couple of sessions so i knew it was helping. After treatment i am a new person. I still have the ocd, triggers, and the spikes, but it does not cause much distress anymore. Before ERP my distress level was a 10 and it was constant. My life sucked.

So heres an example of what what ERP might look like. let’s say you have germ OCD. You may be asked to touch a door knob and not wash your hands afterwards for 5 minutes. As the sessions go on, and you grow stronger, you may be asked to do the same excercise, then refrain from washing for 15 minutes. Eventually, beloeve it or not, you will be able to do the excercise then not wash at all! Or, one exposure may be a narrative, where you write a short story, and in this story you get a little dirty, or exposed to germs, etc… over the treatments, the story may get more and more disgusting and intense, so you will be in a situation that gets really dirty, and theres no place to wash up etc…

As the sessions and exposures go on, the anxiety for each trigger gets weaker, which in turn makes the spikes less intense. Consequently for me, the ocd got better over time.

Again, the key is to find a qualified expert who has a lot of experience in OCD and ERP, because you will be asked to do things that will make you feel temporarily uncomfortable and the therapist will need to work with you at the right pace so that you are not overwhelmed. They should be willing to leave their office to do an exposure where you need it. So for example, if you are afraid of heights they should be up for going with you to a balcony etc… to face that fear.

Like some of the previous comments, I was anxious before starting too, and I was scared that it would make my condition worse. But i was wrong! that’s just the ocd trying to keep you in the bad place.

In fact thats how i first came across this blog. Jackie had wrote some content on ERP and it gave me the confidence to try it. Thank you jackie you are such a blessing from the Lord! Hopefully this post will do the same for someone else!

Worth Saying Again & Again

Exposure therapy is the best avenue we know of for treating obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Close up of hand drawing gears mechanism with chalk

ERP (exposure and response prevention) is what every OCD expert will suggest as the frontline treatment for sufferers.

It works.

It’s hard and scary, but it works.

Catering to compulsions is a band-aid on cancer. It treats symptoms. It cuts leaves off a weed.

ERP is chemotherapy. It goes after OCD itself. It digs out the root.

On this blog, you’ll only hear OCD treatment recommendations for:
1. ERP
2. ERP plus praying for a miracle
3. ERP plus meds
4. ERP plus meds plus praying for a miracle.

You can learn all about ERP therapy at jackieleasommers.com/OCD.

A Reunion with My ERP Therapist

For OCD Awareness Week, OCD Twin Cities had an event– a panel of OCD experts plus one special guest: yours truly. Interestingly, one of the experts on the panel was my own ERP therapist and personal hero, Dr. Chris Donahue. I have not seen him since the last day I graced his office with my presence on the day I finished ERP therapy back in 2008, though we have communicated via email, and I have sent many, many people his way for help.

I only joined the panel for the last fifteen minutes or so. For the majority of it, I was in the audience. There was this weird dichotomy going on for me: on the one hand, I was listening to this man who saved my life, who changed everything for me, who pulled me out of darkness and into light, out of slavery and into freedom; on the other hand, his voice is the voice of my exposures (I did imaginal therapy, listening to an audio recording … and it was in his voice), which were some of the most difficult things I’ve ever, ever had to do in my life. So there was this push-pull thing going on while he spoke.

Then, later, I joined him. I was able to sit next to my hero and publicly tell an audience, “This is what this man did for me. This is what life was like before, and this is what life is like now, and they are unrecognizable.” I turned to him and said, “Thank you.” He said, “You’re welcome.” It was a simple exchange … but so layered. So many things going on in my head and heart.

In any case, I am grateful. With every year that goes by of freedom, I more and more shed my identity as someone in bondage. ERP therapy saves lives. For some of us, it changes everything. It did for me.

For lots more information about OCD and ERP, go to jackieleasommers.com/OCD.

dr donahue 2

Sweet Freedom

freedom in redAlison Dotson, president of OCD Twin Cities, and I were emailing recently about how sometimes we feel as if we say the same thing post after post, article after article, especially since they usually involve our own stories with OCD, and history doesn’t change.

But I reminded her that even if we’ve heard our stories over and over, someone else might be hearing it for the first time. Not to mention that sometimes those of us with OCD need to hear the truth multiple times before it is finally able to sink into our heads and hearts.

So here it is again:

I was in bondage to obsessive-compulsive disorder for twenty hellish years. I was plagued by ugly, intrusive thoughts that caused me intense anxiety and even terror. Many days I felt completely out of control of my own thoughts, and I hated the ugliness that polluted my mind. I was sad, lonely, depressed, lost, engaged in an ongoing war where the battlefield was my own brain.

And then an amazing psychiatrist named Dr. Suck Won Kim gave me not only a prescription but also the phone number to a cognitive-behavioral therapist in the area, along with the warning that ERP therapy “will be hell” and the encouragement that I had to do it anyway.

And I did. For twelve grueling weeks, I practiced the exposure therapy assignments set out by Dr. Christopher Donahue, and after twelve weeks of hell … I was free. Free for the first time since I was seven years old. I could barely even remember what freedom felt like, what it felt like to be master of my own thoughts, to rule over my OCD instead of having it rule me, and so it was actually a little scary at first.

But let me tell you: you get used to freedom, joy, and light pretty darn fast.

The last five years have been magnificent.

Please, please ask me questions if you have them.

For (lots!) more about OCD and ERP, go to jackieleasommers.com/OCD

Image credit: Jesus Solana

A Detailed Post about ERP

ERPI have written many times about Exposure and Response Prevention therapy, and lately, many people have been contacting me for more details about it, especially how they can do ERP on their own from home.

GIANT DISCLAIMER:
I AM NOT A THERAPIST.  NOT EVEN CLOSE.  

I am an obsessive-compulsive 31-year-old female who successfully underwent a twelve-week ERP experience four and a half years ago.  I say “successfully” because at the end of the twelve weeks, I then spent the next year and a half without obsessions or compulsions.  (Can you even imagine?  It sounds like a different life, right?  It was.)  In the three years after that, I have only had a handful of obsessive bouts (probably fewer than five), which I have been able to manage well with my ERP tools and which didn’t last longer than one day.  You can gauge for yourself if that sounds like success to you.  For me, it has been like happy freedom after spending twenty years in slavery to OCD.

With all of that said, I’m going to give my very best advice in this post.

SKIP TALK THERAPY AND PURSUE EXPOSURE AND RESPONSE PREVENTION THERAPY.  Talk therapy (where you spend an hour with a therapist discussing your problems) can actually, in some cases, perpetuate your OCD, especially if your compulsions include confession and seeking reassurance.  Your talk therapy sessions will essentially become one-hour opportunities for you to confess to your therapist and seek reassurance from him or her.  That is the opposite of what you want to do.

FIND A COGNITIVE-BEHAVIORAL THERAPIST WHO IS SKILLED IN ERP.
Begin by asking him or her questions about the techniques they use to treat OCD.  If the therapist doesn’t mention cognitive-behavioral therapy or exposure and response prevention therapy, keep looking.  You don’t want to waste your time spinning your wheels with someone who doesn’t know how to do exposure therapy.

WHAT WILL USUALLY HAPPEN IN ERP:
Your therapist will begin by asking lots of questions to get a real understanding of your OCD.  Remember, there are several different kinds of OCD, and in order for your therapist to really mold your treatment plan around you as an individual, he is going to need to ask for lots of details.  If it seems like he is zoned in on what will cause you the most anxiety, you’re probably right.  In ERP, your therapist is looking to trigger your anxiety and then prevent you from doing anything to alleviate that anxiety.  (Good times!)

You will probably create a fear hierarchy, a list of various things that would cause you intense anxiety.  Then you’ll probably start with the least scary item and work your way up to the top.  The top item on your fear hierarchy will probably seem IMPOSSIBLE.  Continue anyway.  By the time you actually get to that item, ERP may have already re-wired your brain enough to be able to handle it.  I need to repeat: focus on the item you’re at, even though the temptation is to stress about the next, scarier item.  Your therapist is not going to force you to do anything, and it’s going to be a better experience for you if you simply focus on each individual day and what you have to do that day.

Your exposures will be specific to you, though, in general, if you have contamination fears, you will probably have to interact with things that you deem unclean (in fact, probably with things that really are!).  If your OCD is more concerned with order, you may be asked to sit with things out of place.  If you have HOCD, you may be asked to read LGBT literature or to look at scantily-clad members of your same gender.  If you have harm thoughts or other anxieties that you’re not able to actually expose yourself to, you’ll likely need to do imaginal exposures, which may involve writing graphic stories and then reading them or possibly recording the story and listening to it on repeat.

If you’re doing this on your own (and are not guided by a therapist), I recommend doing the recording.  It was more anxiety-inducing for me to listen to a recording than it was for me to quickly read over the story I had written.  Make the story bad– the worst things you can imagine.  And perhaps opt to use lots of details: instead of just using large, blanket statements like “I am thinking a blasphemous thought, and I will go to hell for it,” try “I think of cursing God, and I know I will go to hell, where I will be lost and alone forever.”  Describe it.

The first time you do your exposure, keep track of your anxiety level, 0-100, where 0 is no anxiety at all and 100 meant you were clawing at the ceiling.  Then, every time you do your exposure, rate your anxiety level at the beginning, middle, and end of it.  Keep doing that exposure until your anxiety level is half of what it was when you first started.  Then, you can probably move on to a higher, scarier exposure on your fear hierarchy.

If your exposure (when you start it) is not causing you much anxiety, then chances are you have something a little off.  You’ll need to talk to your therapist or think through your exposure to see if you’re hitting the nail exactly on its head.  (I read a story once where the OC thought her obsession was one thing, say, worrying that she would hurt her child, but the exposures weren’t causing intense anxiety, so she and her therapist took a closer look at it, and together they realized that her actual, larger fear was that she would never know if she would hurt her child … similar but a little different, enough that they changed her exposure to fit better.)  If you have been doing your exposure for a while and the anxiety levels are dropping, then that is a good thing, my friend.  That means that ERP is re-wiring your brain correctly.

Keep all your anxiety ratings in one place so that you have a visual representation of how ERP is working as you watch the anxiety levels drop.  It may be a while before you start seeing a downward movement.  That’s okay.  Keep going.  In my experience, my anxiety levels didn’t start to drop until about week ten.  After that, they plummeted quickly.

ERP is a scary experience, so I do recommend paying the money to see a therapist IF you can afford it and IF the person is well-trained in exposure therapy.  If you decide to create your own ERP experience, buy a book that will guide you, such as Stop Obsessing! by Edna Foa or Freedom from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Jonathan Grayson.  Talk to your friends and family ahead of time and spell out for them what your compulsions are, asking them to not aid you in these, even when it is difficult.  It may be helpful for you to tell them that aiding your compulsions is akin to them being on Team OCD instead of Team You.

Many people choose to pair ERP with medication.  I did.

I spent fifteen years with OCD before I was diagnosed, then another five before I began ERP.  That was twenty years that OCD stole from me, so when I began ERP, I essentially knew it was my last hope, short of some supernatural miracle.  You might not be mentally in that place yet, ready to put your nose to the grindstone and make it happen.  You’ll know when you’re ready.  Just know this: most obsessive-compulsives I talk to who have gone through ERP say their big regret is not pursuing ERP sooner.  ERP is hard … but it is not (not-not-NOT) harder than living daily life with OCD.

And what is happening while you go through these exposures?  I meant it when I said that your brain is being re-wired.  In this therapy, the brain changes, allowing an obsessive-compulsive more room to live with uncertainty (the root of it all).

ERP gave me back my life.  I am happy again, have joy again, love life.  I no longer fight a daily battle with my own mind.

Related posts:
OCD, ERP, & Christianity
ERP & Imaginal Exposures
Preparing for ERP Therapy
Medication vs. Exposure Therapy
All About CBT

How to Care for the Obsessive-Compulsive in Your Life

hugMy friend Amy recently requested that I write a blog post about how to care for an obsessive-compulsive friend or family member.  I thought it was a great idea!  Here’s my best advice:

1. Get them into treatment.

The best, most important thing that you can do for the obsessive-compulsive in your life is to do whatever it takes to get them into a treatment program.  OCD is treatable with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy.  Don’t balk at the cost or make them feel guilty about it.  A co-pay in exchange for their freedom and joy?  Throw yourself 100% into the task of getting your beloved OC psyched about therapy.  Read success stories online and share them.  Educate yourself.

2. Find out their compulsions and don’t aid them.

Ask your OC what his or her compulsions are.  Ask again after they’ve started ERP.  And then steer clear of enabling those compulsions.  This is difficult to do, especially if one of their compulsions is seeking reassurance.  With all your heart, you are desperately going to want to reassure them that X won’t happen, or that Y is okay, or that Z won’t end badly.  Don’t do it.  Doing so is siding with OCD against your loved one.  To side with them, you have to stand strong against OCD and not enable their compulsions.  It’s okay to say, “I don’t answer OCD’s questions” or “we can’t know that” or “I’m not going to aid your compulsions.”  Set up a standard answer with your OC ahead of time and then stay strong.

3. Find out their exposures and help them practice.

Ask your OC what their exposures look like and– if possible– help them practice.  Keep your eyes open for opportunities for your OC to practice their exposures, and encourage them to do so.  Stay in the room if they need you to.  Hold them afterward while they cry.  Continue to starve the enabling bug inside of you!

4. Be a cheerleader.

Encourage, encourage, encourage!  Think and speak positively.  Stay excited about ERP, even when your OC feels like a failure.  Don’t let them entertain the thought of giving up.  Remind them of all the ERP success stories.  Believe that hope and health are just around the corner.  Remind them that freedom is so close and so worth it.

5. If you’re the kind of person who prays, pray hard.