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I am not able to have individual conversations about OCD. To read more about my decision, read my OCD Question Policy.
However, for resources on OCD, email email@example.com using subject line OCD or HOCD. While I’m not able to reply to these emails, you will get an auto-response full of encouragement and resources.
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Jackie. Thanks for the OCD posts. They have been encouraging through my ERP this passed summer. It’s like having my own personal support group. Its awesome having a reminder that it’s just OCD. No one understands OCD unless they have experienced it first hand. Sometimes I think it’s kinda cute when I try to explain OCD to someone and their like “you should try to think about fun stuff”. I just smile and say “true” and realize they just won’t understand. They don’t understand we’ve tried everything to get the relentless paralyzing thoughts out of our heads. But you’re right, with Gods strength I was able to do counselor guided ERP. Full remission for three months!!! Praise Jesus! Have fun with your next novel too. You’re so inspiring. Nikki
Nikki, you’re a delight. I am SO proud of you!!
I am having multiple worries due to hocd and feel like it is impossible to live this way. Is there light at the end of the tunnel with erp. i am so scared of turning another way.
Jackson, please see http://www.jackieleasommers.com/OCD-help!
I am a 21 year old woman. Since December 2014, I have been having multiple obsessive thoughts about my relationship. I am in a two year relationship which was going absolutely fine until my anxiety struck. Before my anxiety I fantasized about getting married to my boyfriend, having his children and living happily ever after. I have always had crushes on men. My anxious thoughts began with me questioning if I am happy with my boyfriend and whether or not if I loved him. My thoughts got worse and scarier when I questioned my sexuality and asked myself if I would be rather happier with a girl than a boy because girls are more mature and sensitive. Now I get tingly feelings with girls around or by looking at girls. Does this mean I have become a bi all of a sudden or is it just an anxiety response? I am constantly afraid of not knowing who I am and being unhappy. I share every single thought that pops into my head with my boyfriend and seek for reassurance all the time. No answer is ever satisfying for me. I am so tired of this constant debate with myself. I really enjoy my time with my boyfriend and I love him. But I constantly debate it. I want to know for a fact whether this is anxiety or am I a bi or a lesbian. I do not want to lose my boyfriend over all this anxiety. He is been so patient with me and my anxiety breakdowns. But I can’t see him go through with this anymore. But what if all this not really anxiety? Am I just afraid of losing my boyfriend because I really love him?
Thank you so much for your time and guidance. I really appreciate it.
Hi friend! This sounds just like HOCD, which is treatable with ERP therapy!
Here’s what I recommend:
1) Read the letter at http://www.jackieleasommers.com/OCD-help
2) Read ALL the posts about HOCD and ALL the posts about CBT/ERP at http://www.jackieleasommers.com/OCD
3) Let me know what you questions you have after reading all of that, okay?
You can beat this and have your life back! 🙂
Thank you so much. I will read those links right away and get back to you. Once again thank you
I apologize for the long post.
I read both the links that you posted and the links gave me a better insight about HOCD. There is a counselling center close to my house and they offer cognitive behavioural therapy however it is offered by registered social workers. What is your opinion on receiving CBT from registered social workers and not from registered psychologists or counsellors? Before I receive CBT, it would be helpful for me to understand HOCD better. I have been very anxious lately about my sexuality. I am constantly fearful about the uncertainty that future might bring. For example, I am afraid that in the future, I will not be with my boyfriend anymore because I will come across an amazing good looking girl who would bond with me well and suddenly after she touches me, I would fall in love with her (just like in movies). Some of my friends suggested that I should imagine myself with a girl or experiment with a girl just to understand my true sexuality. But just the thought of doing anything like that scares me because I am afraid that I will enjoy it and become a lesbian or bisexual for the rest of my life. Recently just looking at girls in shorts or skirts or girls who have their breasts exposed makes me feel weird and tingly. Are these groinal responses or am I actually attracted to women? I am tired of all these confusions. I am constantly comparing girls with guys and because of this constant comparison and anxiety, I feel like my attraction towards my boyfriend and other men in general has decreased. I am convincing myself that since girls are so similar to girls and since they are so sensitive, they make better partners. These constant comparisons make me doubt the success of heterosexual relationships. Are these thoughts normal for someone suffering with HOCD? I am never present in the moment and always worried about the future. Thus I don’t enjoy my time with my boyfriend due to this constant checking and convincing. Any guidance and help is appreciate.
Thank you so much for you time. I really appreciate it.
All this is normal HOCD behavior.
All I can recommend is exposure and response prevention therapy. I suggest you purchase or use a library for one of the ERP books I suggested, read all about it and how it works, then either do ERP from your home with the book to guide you or need with a specialist. As far as the social workers doing CBT, remember that ERP is a very specific kind of CBT. Call them first and ask specifically about exposures. Maybe even read the ERP book first so you know more of how to recognize if the therapy is right.
You can do this. It will be hard but then you get your life, joy, and freedom back. It’s more than worth it.
I apologize for posting so many questions. I feel better when I share my thoughts and concerns with someone who has been through the same experience. I was reading a HOCD blog and I came across a particular blog that triggered my anxiety. The blog was written by a teenage gay male who mentioned that he had HOCD anxiety and he convinced himself that he was straight when he clearly turned out to be gay. Reading this particular blog made me question all my anxiety and fears because now I feel that I perhaps might be in denial about my homosexuality/bisexuality and suddenly after bonding with a woman, I might know my true sexual identity. These thoughts are torturing me. Are these thoughts just dictated by my OCD suffering mind? Thank you so much.
Friend, when you ask questions like these, that is a compulsion. I hope you can recognize that. And giving in to your compulsion to ask for reassurance might feel good in the moment, but ultimately, it is making you weaker and OCD stronger. You need to treat with ERP. Best wishes!
Thanks Jackie. I will keep you updated with my therapy. I am determined to get better and help OCD sufferers in the future 🙂
Hi dear! I can’t diagnose you, but it sounds like HOCD, yes. I recommend meeting with a professional for a proper diagnosis and treatment! I have a post about HOCD coming out tomorrow on the blog!