The Old Blinders

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Can we talk about self awareness for a moment? It's a wonderful, amazing thing. Self awareness allows us to evaluate ourselves, manage our emotions, make our lives and actions line up with our values. Taking part in weekly therapy sessions has been HUGE for me in terms of self awareness. I am always thinking through who I am, who I want to be, how to get there, what choices bring me closer to the best version of me. . Self awareness can also feel a little like being naked. You see things about yourself you wouldn't have noticed before. I can more easily recognize when I'm falling short of my ideals. That old blissful ignorance is dead. Your eyes become sharp and see everything, including the moments you are lazy or took risks hoping others wouldn't catch your errors. . As a recovering perfectionist, self awareness is a double edged sword. It helps me evaluate what is truly important, but occasionally I get stuck back in those perfectionistic trenches. Thankfully, self awareness can also recognize the trenches. . I am reflecting on revisions to Truest, before the eyes of my eyes were open, versus revisions to #SaltNovel, when the blinders are mostly long gone. . Thanks for listening.

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The Arena

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Writers, please tell me this happens to you too. You spend so much time in the trenches of your manuscript that you lose all perspective of whether it's any good or if it's just a monumental altar of mediocrity. . I'm staying (mostly) calm though because this lack of objectivity feels very inevitable and like something I can kick with some good time away from this story. . Did I just say I was staying mostly calm? That feels like a stretch. . Writing is such a lovely, incredible calling. I'm nearly always grateful to be a little creator. But it's a paradox: you have to be sensitive and thick-skinned, detailed and big picture. For me, as someone with anxiety, it feels like climbing into the gladiator arena over and over and over again. . Still I love it. . Here's to writing, here's to calling, here's to the arena, here's to Brene Brown, here's to fellow writers, here's to the readers who make it all worthwhile.

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Amen & Just After