Dear Diary: July 2014

Posted on July 30, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

Does anyone else feel like 2014 is flying by? I can’t believe we’ve already reached the end of July. This month was very, very good to me for two different reasons.

First, I finally met my editor! She was a lecturer during the MFAC residency at Hamline University, which is just down the street from Northwestern, where I work. I went to hear her speak about an editor’s perspective on publishing, and she was bright and funny and wonderful, all of which I already knew from my phone conversations and emails with her. The next morning, I met up with her at a coffee shop and a list of questions I had about her suggested edits, and we had a great conversation about Truest. She had mentioned the day before that she wasn’t sure debut authors knew they were allowed to give a little pushback to their editors, and– while I definitely want to be easy to work with– it gave me a little permission. It felt as if the vice-like grip that’s been squeezing my heart for the last few months relaxed a little.

We also talked about several ideas I had for my next book, one of which I’ve written a first draft. She was excited about both ideas! Meeting and visiting with Jill was just what my tightly-wound, tortured little heart needed. I can already see how meeting her in person has improved my anxiety: the next time she contacted me with major revisions, I didn’t experience the same panic that I typically would. That, my friends, is PROGRESS.

The second thing that was fantastic about July was that I went on a “literary vacation” with my dear friend Elyse. We stayed in a condo in Duluth, and we spent most of the time working on editing, writing, and research (me for Truest and my next novel, her for a freelance editing project she had and for her master’s thesis). I’m not sure I have anyone else in my life who would be willing to go on such a “boring” vacation. I put “boring” in quotes because, though most people would have found it to be so, Elyse and I had a blast! Our condo was magnificent, and we two introverts were perfectly happy to spend most of the day on our respective laptops, clickitty-clacking on the keyboards. She is a true gem. We went on our first literary vacation last summer and decided to make it a tradition. To be honest, I’m already excited for next year. (How wild is it to think that next summer I will be [hopefully] finishing up my next novel and preparing for Truest‘s impending release date??)

We made butterbeer and watched Harry Potter. Next year, we’ve decided we’re going to make Dauntless cake and watch Divergent.

One other little update for you all: I am trying my darnedest to get healthy. I have lost 18 pounds; I’m working hard on combating my trichotillomania; and I met with a therapist last night to start working on my anxiety issues; I had my desk at work ergonomically fixed up and I bought a laptop wrist pad since my wrists have been acting up (for years now, due to overuse!). I still practice ERP therapy whenever my OCD flares up. And I’ve also spent time with my favorite kiddos too– play therapy? All in all, I’m just really expecting 2015 to be a REALLY BIG year for me, and I’m doing my best to get myself ready for it. I feel great about these decisions and actions and would love your support and encouragement!

One last thing. I’m working on final edits to Truest, which has been alternately anxiety-inducing, depression-inducing, lethargy-inducing, panic-inducing, and exciting. I’m hoping August will be high on the exciting and low on the anxiety … but I’m not holding my breath.

Dear Diary: June 2014

Posted on June 29, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

I finished my next round of revisions early in the month, and to be honest, I felt a jumble of things: relief, excitement, anxiety, gratitude. I also felt blazingly aware of my inability to judge my own work. I am too close to it now, after two and a half years, to be able to tell if it’s good or bad, working or not. I have a general idea that the majority of it is good, but I’m just too immersed to be objective. I pray to God that my editor (and future readers) will love it.

This month, I also made a list of 17 long-term goals. (Has anyone around here noticed that I’m very goal-oriented?) Among these long-term goals were finishing my second novel and beginning to dream about my third. It’s been fun to start playing around with characters and ideas again and to be doing so early enough that I don’t have to force anything or press myself time-wise.

Another of my goals was to create a budget and get a better handle on my finances. My friend Cindy recommended that I try Mint.com, and I’m loving it so far! It’s fascinating to be able to cull all of one’s financial information into one spot.

This month, I went to my favorite six-year-old’s dance recital, visited my regular doctor about my wrists (typing on a laptop all day at work and all night for my novel = wrists destroyed from overuse), visited my psychiatrist about OCD meds (not rocking that boat), went to an Emerging Artists Collective gathering (where the brilliant Judy Hougen discussed the importance of beauty), and went to The Fault in Our Stars in my local theater (a wonderful adaptation of one of my favorite books!). I babysat my favorite girlies, saw a lot of friends, enjoyed the Minnesota rain. I also am working with Leah Kirkwood, a wonderful young graphic designer, so be prepared for a new look to this blog … coming soon!

How was your June? Has it felt about a million years long to anyone else?

2014 Creative Goals: 1st Trimester Report

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Dear Diary (April 2014)

Posted on April 30, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

April has been all about self care. I took time away from my manuscript. I went to the chiropractor. I started a weight loss program. I spent time with my favorite little kiddos (see: cuddle therapy).

And, you know what, I feel ready to dive back in for another round of revisions. (I must be crazy.)

Easter was awesome, as usual. My church had two baptisms, including one of a young man I met the Easter before, which was really special because he comes from a totally different walk of life (and indeed has been shunned by some of his family because of his decision to follow Christ). I’m really proud of him and even more proud of God’s incredible work in this young man’s life.

This month, I gave a percentage of my author advance to non-profit organizations– to my Compassion kids and their families, my church, Campus Crusade at my brother’s college, a Chinese orphanage, a mission trip to Peru, an urban and anti-sex trafficking ministry, a friend teaching overseas, an at-risk youth ministry, Bible translation in Papua New Guinea, and the University of Northwestern.

It. was. a. JOY.

Let’s see, what else, what else?

I shared with UNW’s novel writing club, which was so much fun. They asked great questions and commiserated with me about the artist’s self-doubt.

I applied for a writing grant (#4 on my list of creative goals for this year; stay tuned for an update!).

I took my panic pill … three times. I met up for coffee and conversation with my sweet best friend Eir last weekend, so good for my heart and soul. I also have spent a lot of time with God in prayer, and it’s been delicious. There’s basically nowhere on earth I’d rather be than in my bed with my prayer journal.

I’ve gotten some more revision suggestions from my editor, and I’ve been thinking about them a lot and tiptoeing toward them while waiting for a marked-up manuscript. One month away from my novel has been interesting: it’s probably the longest break I’ve taken from writing in the last six years. It was good, and probably necessary, to rest after that frenzied six-week revision– but guess what? I miss it. My writer-heart feels out of rhythm. I plan to fix that murmur this May.

How are you? How was your April? I wish I had more wild stories and events to share with you, but April 2014 was just one of those keep-it-together months for me. We need those sometimes, don’t we?

Dear Diary (March 2014)

Posted on March 30, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

March. A month and a command. MARCH, JACKIE, MARCH!

To be honest, I feel like I spent all of March as a total recluse, ferreted away in my apartment, creating a little cave in the center of my couch. I was, of course, working on revisions to Truest. I felt so overwhelmed that most nights I sent myself an email into the future as a way to mentally reach out to a time when my stress level was lower. Let me tell you, I LOVE futureme.org.

My editor was hoping for revisions in six weeks, and I felt confident I could do it, even though I had no idea how. I kept telling myself that if I just SHOWED UP TO WRITE over and over and over again … then eventually the work would get done.

As an example of how FutureMe works, I sent this email on February 18th and received it on March 19th:

Dear FutureMe,
You woke up at noon. Now its two and you’re lying down for a nap.

It happens.

Oh the introvert’s recovery.

Please have a lot done on the novel. Please. Say you have shown up for the last month. Please. Today you feel so … As if the project looms too large. Overwhelmed. But you have learned to eat an elephant one bite at a time.

You’ll take another bite today.

After this nap. 🙂

Persist, writer.
Love,
Writer

And that’s exactly what I did. I showed up over and over and over with a spoon to take another bite of elephant, and I finished my revisions a day ahead of schedule. It was utterly exhausting (I don’t think I can even begin to explain to you just how much– although, as an example, I spent one day writing and then was sick the following day, spending nearly all of it sleeping), but I love the changes to my story– I hope my editor does too!

I didn’t get to hang out with many people simply because I had NO TIME, but I did find a chance to see Eir, Ashley, Desiree, and Elyse in an attempt to stay sane.

Desiree and I also went to a Miranda Sings concert. She is a comedian we enjoy, and the show was super funny! It always feels good to take advantage of the Twin Cities’ offerings.

I had a week where I worked in the evenings (yuck!), attending college fairs and helping with an on-campus event where I helped promote the Northwestern English department.

Then, after I turned in my revised manuscript, I ventured back out into the world of social interaction and went to see Divergent in the theater with Eir, Ash, Des, Amanda, and Tim. It was DELICIOUS and stressful and intense and well-done and THEO JAMES IS SO GORGEOUS I WONDER IF HE IS REALLY HUMAN.

You can read my praises for the book here.

Then, of course, off to DC for a few days! It was so utterly lovely to spend some time with my beloved friend Cindy, though I admit I’m glad to be back in Minnesota now as– even in four days– I got homesick.

March was overwhelming, and I am sooooooo excited for APRIL!

Dear Diary (February 2014)

Posted on February 26, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

Oh February.

Thank the Lord that February is the shortest month we’ve got because it’s also one of the hardest ones for anyone who works in recruitment for the University of Northwestern.

… that would be me.

Early in the month, I had a reading where I shared excerpts from Truest with an audience for the first time. It was such a fun experience. I felt like a real author. (I guess I am a real author!)

Photo credit: Tracy Lair

I talked to my editor and her assistant about some major revisions to my manuscript, and we set a goal of having a new draft in six weeks. Let me be clear: when I say “revisions,” I am not talking about simple line edits (i.e. fix this typo, add a comma here, etc.). I’m talking about giant structural changes, about beefing up characters, about modifying scenes for better impact. It’s hard and it’s scary and sometimes it feels too big for me to handle, but I tell myself, butt-in-seat-hands-on-keyboard. Six weeks of that, and it has to come out shinier on the other side, right? Right???? 🙂

Since feelings are so deceitful, I’ve been going with what my head knows: that even though my manuscript is a torn-up mess right now, it will not always be that way. In fact, with daily attention, it won’t even be that way a month from now.

Our admissions winter visit weekend was super successful– and also utterly exhausting. Especially for an introvert.

We had yet another snowstorm in Minnesota– a lot of snow. We’ve had 57 inches so far this winter. You have to know we’re pretty sick of winter here. My heart longs for spring. I almost got stuck in my parking lot yet again the other day. I got out of the car, kicked the snow around the tires, got into my vehicle, and just pleaded with God, “Please, please let me get out of here.” I was able to back up a little and get some traction. Readers, are you used to snow where you are? Are your winters like mine? The weather keeps ruining my plans with friends, and everyone seems to be sick. Everything takes so much longer because the roads are nightmarish and slick, and you have to start braking about ten miles away from where you actually want to stop. The snow outside right now is piled so high that it would break your heart. I am consoled though by the days stretching out longer and longer. The sun still out at 5:30 PM makes me feel ready to break into song the way they do in Disney movies.

Image credit: Torque News

I bought a new car. A red 2014 Dodge Dart. Thank you, author advance.

I’ve been using FutureMe.org so much lately: sending notes into the future to encourage myself. It’s a great reminder that I will not always be where I am in this moment. I usually only send notes into the foreseeable future, but last week I sent one five years into the future. Doesn’t 2019 just sound impossible? I wonder what life will look like then.

On the OCD front, I’ve been struggling a little with intrusive thoughts when I lie awake in bed at night. It’s been quite manageable though. I bully my little black dot and make it sleep on the [freezing cold] apartment balcony. (What the heck is this black dot I’m talking about? Read here and here and here.)

I’ve been using Twitter a lot lately. A lot a lot. If you’re on there, you should follow me: @jackieleawrites.

Dear Diary (January 2014)

Posted on January 31, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

Today is my spiritual birthday! I made my commitment to Jesus Christ eighteen years ago! (Does this make me an “adult” Christian now? Can I vote? I vote for grace.)

I rang in the new year with my best friend Erica and the cast of Downton Abbey. As you may recall, one of the keys to my productivity is that I’ve effectively cut TV out of my life. However, Eir decided to sabotage my life by forcing a Downton addiction on me, lol!

Photo credit: Ashley Thorman
Top: Eir, Ash, Amanda
Bottom: Jackie, Dora

Early in the month, we in the Cities were blessed by a visit from Dora, one of our favorite out-of-town friends, so a crew of my favorite people all hung out together. So lovely, although we missed Des!

Speaking of Des, I was able to get lunch with her on one occasion and coffee on another, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am that my former roomie and her husband live only two buildings down from me …

… especially because I had not one but two flat tires this month! Yeah, seriously. The one went out, and then one week later, another followed suit. The first time around, I handled it well. I’m fairly independent. I called AAA, and I took it to Tires Plus, and I shelled out the three bills it took to get two new tires and an alignment. But when it happened again a week later, I have to admit, I cried. I so desperately wanted to not be a grown-up in that moment. My delightful parents came to Minneapolis that weekend and rescued my car, dealt with it all for me. I felt a little like a baby, and it. felt. great. Des’s husband Matt drove me to and from work for a couple days. (Thanks, Matt!)

Then my heater quit working the following week. Did I mention that it’s been dangerously cold in Minnesota? We’re talking 60 below wind chill. So … I am really thinking that my book advance might need to go toward a new car.

My book showed up on Goodreads!

Photo credit: Ashley Thorman
Me, Eir, Des

I celebrated my birthday with some of my favorite girls! Eir made dinner for me, Des, and Ashley.

As for the next novel, it’s coming along quite well! (I know I was just complaining about anxiety, but the writing is [mostly] faring well.) I’ve met some friends on Twitter who use the hashtag #wewrotetoday to help encourage one another and keep each other accountable. I’m loving it!

Writing a novel means that you have to do a BOATLOAD of research (and sometimes it’s all for just a small detail that most readers aren’t even going to notice). Lately I’ve had to research woodworking, crown moulding, various sounds, and incomplete spinal cord injuries. Unlike a non-fiction writer, the novelist can (sometimes) get away with not becoming an actual expert in the various areas. We do this through skillful (and maybe manipulative) omission of facts, by insinuations, and by using vagueness to our benefits. I’ll be honest though: sometimes it doesn’t work. I do my very, very best.

One more exciting thing: I finally saw my contract. I’m thrilled. I’ll be signing any day now (once my agent irons out a couple wording issues!).

So that’s my January! I’m really excited for February, because I’m participating in a reading on Tuesday, February 11th, at the University of Northwestern — St. Paul. I’ll be reading excerpts from Truest and (I think) doing a Q & A afterward. If you’re in the Twin Cities, you should come! (More details soon!)

Character Survey: Jackie Lea Sommers

Posted on January 13, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

Before I write a novel, I fill out the following survey questions about my main characters. The first set of questions comes from Gotham Writers’ Workshop. The second set are from this Yingle Yangle post. Since people want to know more about me, I thought I’d fill them out for myself. (Gosh, it feels so egotistical, but this is what you guys asked for.)

P.S. I feel like a teenager filling out questionnaires on Myspace.

• What is your character’s name? Does the character have a nickname?

Jackie Lea Sommers. My nicknames are Jack, Jach, Jav (pronounced yawv). A lot of people DO actually call me Jackie Lea or JLS.

• What is your character’s hair color? Eye color?

I’m dishwater blonde with blue eyes. Although I dyed my hair this winter, so right now it’s fading from red to strawberry blonde.

• What kind of distinguishing facial features does your character have?

Very pale, almost non-existent eyebrows. Which I hate.

• Does your character have a birthmark? Where is it? What about scars? How did he get them?

I am missing the tips of two fingers and six toes. Yep, for real! I was born that way, although I usually tell more dramatic lies, such as my mother chopped them off, I was in a lawn mower accident, etc.

• Who are your character’s friends and family? Who does she surround herself with? Who are the people your character is closest to? Who does he wish he were closest to?

My dad Tom, my mom Ronda, my sister Kristin, and my brother Kevin are all amazing and hilarious. Some of my very best friends are Eir, Ashley, and Des (Des was my roomie for six years!). I wish I were friends with Theo James, the actor who plays Four in the upcoming Divergent movie. I have had to grieve the fact that it is highly unlikely I will ever get the chance to make out with him.

• Where was your character born? Where has she lived since then? Where does she call home?

Minnesota!

• Where does your character go when he’s angry?

Nap time!

• What is her biggest fear? Who has she told this to? Who would she never tell this to? Why?

Hell has been the biggest fear of my life, although since ERP, this has settled down considerably.

• Does she have a secret?

I do. Thanks for asking.

• What makes your character laugh out loud?

My co-workers!

• When has your character been in love? Had a broken heart?

I’m not sure that I’ve ever been in love. I want to be! My heart has been broken countless times– I count this as writing fuel.

Then dig deeper by asking more unconventional questions:

• What is in your character’s refrigerator right now? On her bedroom floor? On her nightstand? In her garbage can?

Fridge looks pretty empty; I need to venture out into the -22 degrees windchill weather to get some groceries. Bedroom floor, nightstand … BOOKS! (There are usually books on every surface in this apartment.)

• Look at your character’s feet. Describe what you see there. Does he wear dress shoes, gym shoes, or none at all? Is he in socks that are ratty and full of holes? Or is he wearing a pair of blue and gold slippers knitted by his grandmother?

Barefoot right now! I wear dress flats to work, TOMS everywhere else, winter boots when I can get away with it.

• When your character thinks of her childhood kitchen, what smell does she associate with it? Sauerkraut? Oatmeal cookies? Paint? Why is that smell so resonant for her?

Cinnamon toast. I’d LOVE those days when I’d wake up on a school day, go downstairs, and Dad would be making cinnamon-sugar toast for us!

• Your character is doing intense spring cleaning. What is easy for her to throw out? What is difficult for her to part with? Why?

I’m not much of a hoarder, except for mementos, like notes and letters that people have given to me. Even books I can more easily part with– I take a bag to Half-Price Books every so often and get a little cash for the ones that aren’t worthy to stay on my bookshelves.

• It’s Saturday at noon. What is your character doing? Give details. If he’s eating breakfast, what exactly does he eat? If she’s stretching out in her backyard to sun, what kind of blanket or towel does she lie on?

Honestly? Just waking up, lol!

• What is one strong memory that has stuck with your character from childhood? Why is it so powerful and lasting?

I intensely remember when my mom explained to me how she knew I loved God. I’d struggled with it for three years, and she changed my life with that explanation.

• Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where is she going? What does she wear? Who will she be with?

Probably dinner or a play/musical with a friend!

NEXT SURVEY (by the way, my answers for my characters are usually a bit longer!):

What one thing do you want more than anything else?
To love God and people well, to be a successful writer.

What would you do if you got it?
Be joyful.

What did you learn from your parents’ mistakes?
I don’t drink alcohol at all. Not ever.

What would you spend your last $10 on? Something indulgent, something practical?
A journal and a pen, and I’d start frantically writing.

What (or whom) do you blame?
OCD.

What do you not tell anyone?
Very little. As a blogger for mental illness awareness, I’m a pretty open book!

What do you not admit to yourself?
I’m not sure of this one! I sometimes think I’m going to be single forever, but I don’t like to spend time with that thought, so I’ll go with that.

What is your biggest regret?
Not doing ERP sooner.

What is the worst thing you ever did? (It’s not always the same as the biggest regret).
I can be very cruel with my words when I want to be.

What should you care about, but don’t?
What people think about me.

What do people say about you?
“She’s crazy!” Don’t worry– they’re not referring to OCD, just everything else I do.

What do will the character’s last thought will be? (For obvious reasons it’s hard to phrase this as a direction question).
Jesus, take me home.

What is your earliest memory?
I remember spilling Cheerios on the floor when I was only about two and then, thinking I’d get in trouble, I began to frantically eat the evidence. This is the only super early memory I have.

What is your prejudice?
I have a prejudice against certain Christian ministries. That’s probably really bad, right?

What relationship has upset you most?
There was this boy. I thought something was going to happen between us. Then he moved away and dropped out of my life (and everyone else’s) really suddenly. You can read about it in my story Lights All Around.
What about high school or college upset you most?
I was shoulder-deep in OCD; it messed with my relationships.

What about your job upsets you the most?
I actually love my job. A lot. Go Eagles!

What do you best?
I’m creative.

What will happen after you die?
Jesus.

What things do you know the least about?
Fashion, television, sports, cooking.

I Have a Good Feeling about 2014

Posted on December 31, 2013 by Jackie Lea Sommers

Note: I understand that just a few hours ago I posted about how depression has stolen into my life this very day. Below is a post I wrote weeks ago, and I’m still going to let it go live because I know that what I’m feeling with depression is a lie and what the post says below is true. I’d still appreciate your prayers.

I am so excited for 2014!

One year ago I wrote an honest post about how different my life was than what I thought it would be. I jabbered on a lot about wanting to be in a relationship, but I also mentioned that I wished I had an advanced degree and that people wanted to read what I wrote.

So, 2013 unrolled itself in interesting ways. I’m still drastically single (I don’t even see the tiny silhouette of a man on the distant horizon, waving my way), but 2013 saw my writing career finally take off with winning the Katherine Paterson Prize and then securing a two-book deal with Katherine Tegen Books/HarperCollins. I applied to Vermont College of Fine Arts and was admitted, but my editor said I already knew how to write a book, so I am going to cancel my admission there.

(A part of me is a little sad about this. I think I’ll always wish I was a VCFA alumnus.)

(Most of me, however, is thrilled that I can focus on writing a book instead of doing homework.)

All that said, it’s an interesting precipice to stand on– here, this edge of 2013, staring off into the uncharted lands of 2014. 2014 is an unwritten story, and those always make me nervous– and excited.

Dear Diary (December 2013)

Posted on December 30, 2013 by Jackie Lea Sommers

After a wild and exciting November, my December has been relatively quiet: coffee dates with friends, a meeting with my writing group, recruiting hard as we head into the spring semester.

And every so often I think to myself, I have a book deal, and get excited all over again. The thrill has not worn off. I still marvel that my collection of years of hard work has resulted in a writing contract. When your dreams start coming true, you don’t get over it in a day!

Speaking of, I’ve been working hard on a draft of my next novel (working title is Answers); would you be interested in reading an excerpt? (A really bad first draft excerpt?)

My friend Elyse and I just rolled out our new project a few days ago: the Even a Traitor May Mend blog, which Narnia-lovers can check out here.

I saw The Book Thief movie! I hereby declare it a lovely adaptation. (The Book Thief is one of my very favorite books period, and I went into the movie assuming there would be changes. There were, but they felt very consistent with the feel of the book, and I loved spending time with Liesel, Rudy, Max, Hans, and Rosa again. I did miss Tommy though.)

I spent Christmas with my family (just a couple days– this hermitty writer likes her alone time!). My family is just so amazing and lovely and laidback; we had a ball together, opening presents, watching Home Alone and Home Alone 2, caroling at our friends’ house, picking on one another and just enjoying each others’ company. And talk about a major haul: I came away with two antiques! My amazing parents picked up an antique card catalog for me when they were in Missouri at Thanksgiving (wow!), and Mom also had my great aunt’s barrister bookcase restored for me. I’m so spoiled.

Also, at the suggestion of Anne Lamott (and also at my own suggestion), I’ve been reading a lot of poetry lately and loving it. I’m going to review several books all at once coming up soon.

So, that’s my quiet December! Things will definitely pick up in the new year as I dive headfirst into Truest revisions!

JACKIE LEA SOMMERS

Author & Advocate

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