Asking for Help

I battled with undiagnosed OCD for fifteen years before I finally sought help. Now, that just seems silly.

These days, when I encounter a problem, I open my mouth and ask for help. This isn’t weak. It’s smart.

I’m so over the ridiculous stigma attached to this. There is nothing shameful about identifying areas where I struggle and then seeking out solutions. I celebrate my enterprising, aggressive spirit and commitment to health.

This post is not to toot my own horn but to give my blog readers another way of framing the often humbling experience of asking for help. Doing so is a brave, intrepid, wise move– don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Vintage inscription made by old typewriter

A Portrait of Uncertainty, Before & After

SONY DSCUncertainty, Before ERP: intolerable agony. Even a sliver of uncertainty would collapse my entire self. It was torture, hell on earth. I didn’t think I could stand it for one more minute. And, in fact, because of that intense pressing need to erase the uncertainty, I’d usually do something to alleviate the ugly anxiety … but compulsions prevent you from realizing that you can live one more minute. And then another. And as the minutes stack up, you start to get used to the cold water. In fact, it stops feeling icy.

Uncertainty After ERP: uncomfortable still, but necessary. These days uncertainty feels like a built-in, expected part of life. It’s no one’s favorite thing to experience, but I experience it much the same way as the general population. It’s not an emergency; it’s just an inconvenience. And because I learned that I could survive– and even thrive– by embracing uncertainty, I actually love it more than most people.

Uncertainty isn’t the enemy. ERP can set you free.
Go to www.jackieleasommers.com/OCD-help for more details.

 

Image credit: Mark Turnauckas

Dear Diary: February 2015

dear diary FEB 2015February’s a short month, it’s true, but WOW, can you pack a lot into 28 days!

I saw my galley pages and made corrections.

I started hand therapy (I have bad wrists).

I worked three out of four weekends in a row (okay, two were in January).

I had a couple rough days.

I explored the war monument near Shadow Falls in St. Paul and the mill ruins in Minneapolis in research for my WIP.

gold medal

Truest 3d jpgThe most exciting part of my month was, of course, the cover reveal of my debut novel, Truest. It’s gotten so much love, and I’m so glad you guys like it. I love it. I’m thrilled with how it turned out. Jenna Stempel, the designer, hand-lettered the title and the chapter headings. This process has been very, very real to me for some time now, but I think, for many of my friends and family members, seeing the cover has finally made it real to them.

Thank you, everyone, for caring about my life, my book, … me. I feel really blessed to have the life I have, bad wrists, bad days, and all.

 

Poetry 2015 Review: Stupid Hope by Jason Shinder

stupid hopeThough Jason Shinder is highly esteemed, this was the first of his work I’d ever read.

It was interesting. Very spare language. Very vulnerable.

There were four parts. In the first two parts, Shinder talks a lot about his mother’s illness. But in part three, readers learn that he also has an illness– and is dying from it. This is where the book took a turn for me. The first half I could do without, but the second half– when Shinder was facing his own mortality– had an urgency and honesty that made it special.

It was, in fact, so imbued with urgency, that I wondered if Shinder would die before part four. Then I realized that there wouldn’t be a part four without him.

It was tragic, and readers learn in the postscript that his dear friends put together the book after he died and at his request.

You should read this one, or at least the second half.

If you’re reading along with my Poetry 2015 Campaign, then make sure to track down a copy of Pablo Neruda’s Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair for March!

What I Want to Know about You

Your Turn Words Two Red Dice Game Competition Next MoveHumor me, please.

Leave me a comment with the following info:

1. Your name (or pseudonym).

2. Three things you’re passionate about.

3. What you’re most looking forward to in 2015.

4. A name you love (I love collecting names!).

5. Where you are right now (“Mpls,” “the library,” “far away,” & the like are all acceptable).

Days Like Today

I’m having a bad day. The worst I’ve had in a while.

I’m down. I can’t write. It makes me feel lazy and sluggish and I hate that.

Expectation vs. reality really clobbers me sometimes. I had wanted this weekend to be ultra-productive– to rip through my work in progress in two days and get scenes lined up and make them prettier, and instead I stare at one page, fumble through a little bit, then stare at another page, repeat.

I took my meds this morning. All good on that front. Just woke up with a foggy beast on top of me that I’ve been trying to outrun all day– unsuccessfully.

My nap didn’t help. My excellent lunch didn’t help. Reaching out to friends isn’t helping either.

I think that those of us who have brain disorders are just bound to have these funky days from time to time. I praise God that this is a rare occurence. It used to be expected.

So there’s my silver lining.

11 Favorite Quotes from YA Novels

jellicoe“So, like I asked, what’s with the nightie?”
“It smells like what I always think mothers smell like,” I tell him honestly, knowing I don’t have to explain.
He nods. “My mum has one just the same and you have no idea how disturbing it is that it’s turning me on.”
Jellicoe Road by Melina Marchetta

scorpio“That’s a poor match, Sean Kendrick,” says a voice at my elbow. It’s the other sister from Fathom & Sons, and she follows my gaze to Puck. “Neither of you are a housewife.”
I don’t look away from Puck. “I think you assume too much, Dory Maud.”
“You leave nothing to assumption,” Dory Maud says. “You swallow her with your eyes. I’m surprised there’s any of her left for the rest of us to see.”
The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater

read7“Remember how it was when we kissed? Armfuls and armfuls of light thrown right at us. A rope dropping down from the sky. How can the word love and the word life even fit in the mouth?”
The Sky is Everywhere by Jandy Nelson

read“He was the crazy one who had painted himself black and defeated the world.
She was the book thief without the words.
Trust me, though, the words were on their way, and when they arrived, Liesel would hold them in her hands like the clouds, and she would wring them out like rain.”
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

read6“As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.”
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

read4“I don’t know whether we’re kissing for five minutes or five hours and my mouth feels bruised, but I can’t let go. Because it feels so good to be held…Will’s arms tremble as they hold me and his heart beats hard against me and I know that whatever I’m feeling is mutual. For a moment I taste the alcohol on his breath, and it brings me back to reality. ‘Do that sober and I’ll be impressed,’ I say before walking away.
Saving Francesca by Melina Marchetta

piper's son“I think he’s writing to J-Lo,” she says.
Tom looks at her. “Dad?”
She nods knowingly.
“She comes home and she’s all, ‘Any mail?’” Anabel puts on a sweet falsetto voice that sounds nothing like his mother. “And then she disappears into her room and once I walked in and she was all…” Anabel does this thing where she’s impersonating a silent coy giggle.
“Don’t be bloody ridiculous. He doesn’t do letters. And she doesn’t…” He impersonates her silent coy giggle.
Anabel sighs. It’s an Agnes of God sigh down to a T.
“I’m telling you, Tom. Those kids are writing smut to each other.”
The Piper’s Son by Melina Marchetta

sinner“I asked,”Are you going to pick up next time I call you?”
”I did this time didn’t I?”
“Say yes.”
“Yes. Conditionally yes.”
“What conditions?”
“Sometimes you do things like call me forty times a day and leave obscene voicemails and that’s why I don’t pick up.”
“Ridiculous. That doesn’t sound like me. I’d never call an even number of times.”
Sinner by Maggie Stiefvater

code name verity“How did you ever get here, Maddie Brodatt?”
“‘Second to the right, and then straight on till morning,'” she answered promptly-it did feel like Neverland.
“Crikey, am I so obviously Peter Pan?”
Maddie laughed. “The Lost Boys give it away.”
Jamie studied his hands. “Mother keeps the windows open in all our bedrooms while we’re gone, like Mrs. Darling, just in case we come flying home when she’s not expecting us.”
Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein

froiAnd then she was lying there beside him.
“My feet were cold in their part of the compound,” she muttered.
“Well, we can’t have that, can we?” he said, warming them against his and tucking the blanket over her body.
“I heard the Avanosh aunt say, ‘She should grow her hair to hide that pointy chin and pointy nose.’”
“If I see that pointy chin and nose hidden, I’ll have to hurt someone.”
“You’re supposed to say I don’t have a pointy chin or pointy nose,” she said, somewhat dryly.
“But you do,” he said. “And you also have pointy eyes,” he added as he kissed both lids, “and a pointy mouth,” he teased, pressing his lips against hers, “and a pointy tongue.” His body covered hers as he held her face in his hands and captured her mouth, the silk warmness of her tongue matching his, stroke by stroke. Then he felt the sharp nip of her teeth as his mouth dared to leave hers, traveling toward her throat, fleetingly tracing the scars from the noose. “And a pointy, pointy heart,” he murmured, feeling the powerful beat that her enemies had tried to crush from the moment she was born.
Froi of the Exiles by Melina Marchetta

and finally …

hallows[After breaking through the roof of the bank on a blind dragon]: “Well, I don’t know how to break this to you, but I think they might have noticed we broke into Gringotts.”
Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling

You’re welcome.

 

Recent Reads

I sort of binge-read Maggie Stiefvater last month. Long ago, I had read the first book of her Wolves of Mercy Falls series, Shiver, but this was during the years of the Twilight fury, and I was sort of annoyed by the general idea of werewolves mixed with romance, so I didn’t finish the series. Since then, Maggie wrote a companion novel to the series as well, so I read that too.

Reviews below without spoilers.

lingerLinger by Maggie Stiefvater
Lots of lovey-dovey, ultra-sweet romance from Sam and Grace, the main characters, that almost seems out of character for the Maggie Stiefvater I have come to know through The Scorpio Races and The Raven Boys series, not to mention her Tumblr. The awesome thing about this book is that we are introduced to Cole St. Clair, a suicidal rock star asshole whom I love.

foreverForever by Maggie Stiefvater
The original series conclusion– and, actually, even though there’s a companion novel, this really still stands as the conclusion. High stakes, and more lovey-dovey from Sam and Grace. More sass and awesomeness from Cole and Isabel, who interest me far more than Sam and Grace.

sinnerSinner by Maggie Stiefvater
YES. A companion novel all about Cole and Isabel!! And though it was interesting that the other books took place in Minnesota (also, so interesting to hear Stiefvater’s characters say things like, “We’re going to St. Paul,” when I feel like everyone just says, “the Cities” … and they went to Duluth while I was reading the novels in Duluth), I loved that this one was set in L.A. And here Stiefvater SHINES. This book is all the funny, clever, lyrical writing that I expect from Maggie. To me, it was clear that this book came later, after she’d grown tremendously as a writer. Not to say the other books weren’t very well done (they were), but this one just excelled. SO. GOOD.

please remain calmPlease Remain Calm by Courtney Summers
This is a companion novella to her novel This is Not a Test, which I first read (and loved) back in 2012. Courtney is such a talented writer and such a lovely person. I’m such a huge fan of who she is. The novella? Loved it too. I don’t want to reveal too much because

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