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Here are some OCD-related questions I’ve been asked by blog readers. As always, keep in mind that I’m not a doctor or a therapist, just an OCD survivor. (Note: I’ve been using the term “OCD survivor” a little bit lately, and sometimes I wonder if I “deserve” to use the term survivor— but I remember that OCD is an incurable disorder, a medical illness, and hellish torment. I’m gonna own that survivor title.)

How have medication and therapy worked hand in hand to help you?

The two of them were a dynamic duo for me back in 2008, when I underwent exposure therapy (if you’re new to this blog and don’t know what ERP or exposure and response prevention therapy is, WELCOME! You can read a lot more about this at http://www.jackieleasommers.com/OCD.). Medication, in a way, got me into a place where I was able to approach ERP. Then ERP was the heavy lifting. Since then, medication continues to keep me on the right track.

Everyone has differing thoughts on medication, but all experts agree that ERP is the number one treatment for OCD.

An imperfect metaphor: if ERP is the playing field, meds can sometimes be the bus. The real work, the real healing, happens on the playing field, but you have to be there. For some of us, we can’t get to the playing field without riding the bus. The way our bodies work won’t allow us to get there on our own.

How does OCD compare to other common mental illnesses when it comes to treatment (therapy, medication, etc.)?

This is such a great question and worthy of someone so much wiser than I am. That said, I will say that ERP is not your standard “talk therapy”– you know what I mean, right? ERP is not talking about your feelings one hour a week. It’s doing real homework every day– exposures, things that are tremendously uncomfortable– and moving on to more uncomfortable things. It’s not about being reassured or a pat on the back, and it makes you feel worse before you feel better.

But then.

Something clicks.

And everything changes.

How has OCD shaped your faith? Did you ever feel OCD was stealing your faith away with you kicking and screaming? Did you ever feel your faith wouldn’t recover? Was there ever a point where you feared you believed the OCD lies?

Likewise, If you could narrow it down to one generalization, what’s the biggest impact in your opinion that OCD has had regarding your faith?

OCD goes after what is important to a person. For me, that is my faith. Sometimes people worry about telling me the details of their obsessive themes– but, honestly, it’s hard to imagine that my mind hasn’t already gone there. I turn 35 next month. Twenty of those 35 years were spent cycling through religious obsessions. If it had to do with God or sin or heaven or hell or Jesus or … I’ve battled through it. Did I feel like OCD was stealing my faith? Yes. How did OCD shape my faith? It made it into an enslaved mockery of what faith should really look like. Did I worry my faith wouldn’t recover? Constantly. And did I believe the lies? Yes. Or enough to change my behavior, enough to ruin things, enough to no longer find enjoyment in the one who embodies joy.

One giant generalization for the way OCD impacted my faith: it enslaved me in a cage of lies.

One giant generalization for the way ERP impacted my faith: it freed me to understand the truth of grace.

God didn’t change in all this. But the way my brain is wired did, and that changed the way I relate to my unchanging God.

I know people can’t be “a little OCD,” but what about people who have obsessive-compulsive tendencies but aren’t diagnosed with OCD? Do you have advice/thoughts for that?

If the obsessive-compulsive tendencies don’t hurt, then I would encourage you to enjoy your quirkiness!

If they hurt, well, you might have OCD. Get that diagnosis and begin exposure therapy.

I would like you to describe your experiencing with OCD when it was at its worst. I believe that this allows fellow OC’ers to recognize that they are not alone.

It was bad. Really, really dark, low times. I’ve tried to detail in a few places on this blog. Check out:

* What It Was Like
* The Darkest Days
* A Portrait of Uncertainty
* OCD & Suicidal Thoughts
* What It Feels Like (yes, this is different than the first link!)

But let’s not end on a downer note, friends. There’s no reason to. Because there IS a treatment for OCD and it WORKS. After twenty years in bondage to OCD, twelve weeks of exposure therapy loosed my chains. The last nine years have been different in every way from the twenty before them. If you can relate to any of the post above, then why not start here with my message of hope to OCD sufferers?

If you have questions, you’re welcome to ask here. Anonymous questions are fine!

Staying with God

Posted on December 23, 2015 by Jackie Lea Sommers

A long time ago, I got this question from a blog reader: How did you make the decision to ‘stay’ with God when your struggles came from that relationship?

I think I’m ready to write about that now.

White wall texture with a chair

So … for those of you who are newer to the blog, a bit of backstory: I battled with OCD– mostly of a spiritual nature– for about twenty years before I finally underwent treatment. While OCD has told me countless lies, the hardest one was that I was not loved and accepted by God and that I was going to hell. Nearly all of my battles with OCD had their root in this lie. It was– and remains– my worst thing imaginable (which, of course, is what OCD goes after).

I know that some people who have battled with OCD of a scrupulous or spiritual nature have eventually walked away from the faith. My understanding (though I could be wrong) is that the guilt and fear and, oh, lifestyle guidelines are too severe, so they end up having to distance themselves from it all in order to maintain some semblance of sanity and freedom.

As I said, I could be describing that wrong. The truth is that I’ve never understood it. My OCD centered around the idea that God was the most important person in my life and my fear was that I did not have him … or could not … or that he would refuse to have me. When that was my most intense terror, where would the relief have come from by choosing to walk away myself? I would have been willfully walking into that which was my darkest fear.

So, for me, clinging to Christ was my only hope in the midst of such darkness. Had I let go, I’d have been choosing the terror I was desperately trying to avoid.

Praise God that– while I was clinging to him, so afraid of falling– I was safe in his hands. I just didn’t know it. There is a difference between fearing that a chair will not hold you and a chair that will really not hold you. A huge difference. That said, the fear alone may keep you from enjoying the chair. But for those of us with OCD, our fears and our reality might be miles apart, but we’ve lost the ability to see that gaping chasm between them.

That’s where treatment comes in. Exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy saved my life and gave me new eyes to see the difference between my fears and the truth. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but 5000% worth it. Today I get to enjoy my relationship with Christ in ways my OCD prevented me from in the past.

If you want to learn more about my faith, click here.
If you want to learn more about OCD and ERP, click here.

Post-ERP Spiritual Growth

Posted on November 9, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

I received these fantastic questions from a blog reader:

How has your faith grown since ERP? Have you found new ways to talk and relate to God now that you free from its influence?

Well.

Everything is different now.

I believe that my prayers are heard, that there is no glass ceiling over my head, preventing them from reaching God’s ear.

I walk in the lightness of freedom and not with the yoke of legalism.

I can picture Christ delighting in me and my work.

My new normal is feeling loved and accepted, redeemed and rescued.

I am anchored.

I can think about other worldviews without being triggered into a total meltdown.

My faith feels less about feelings and more about choice: I choose Christ and, better yet, he has chosen me.

Prayer feels more like a two-way conversation than just one-way pleading.

I experience God’s sense of humor more.

I am well tended.

Was there something beautiful about the desperate days when I would weep with savage desire for Christ? I suppose so. But I am so pleased to have a gentle, fun, peaceful, deep, and safe relationship with him now. I am discovering the real Jesus, not an OCD-twisted version of him.

I couldn’t be more grateful.

So, just what is this ERP therapy that subdued my OCD and allowed me the spiritual life I so desperately wanted? Learn more at jackieleasommers.com/OCD.

OCD & Faith

Posted on March 16, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

I was recently asked how my faith survived 20 years of abuse at the hand of OCD. This fellow sufferer wondered how I reconciled/justified my continued believe in God after so much hurt and such a sense of betrayal.

It’s a great question.

I am a Christian, that is, I believe that Jesus Christ is God’s only son, that he came to earth to rescue men, died on a cross on a Friday, and rose again to life the following Sunday.

It’s actually the story of the cross and the resurrection that have allowed me to cling to my faith.

The agony of the cross shows me that Jesus understands my suffering; we identify with one another. And the victory of the resurrection prompts me to have hope in my suffering, knowing that only a weekend separated the worst story from becoming the best; I am filled with hope that, just as I identify with him in his suffering, I will also identify with him in his victory.

The truth is that without the gospel of Christ, it would be difficult for me to justify my continued faith.

For more about my faith, go to jackieleasommers.com/faith.
For (lots!) more about OCD and ERP, go to jackieleasommers.com/OCD.

JACKIE LEA SOMMERS

Author & Advocate

Tag Archives: OCD and faith

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Staying with God

Post-ERP Spiritual Growth

OCD & Faith