I was on the phone with my mom yesterday; she called because she read my last blog post about re-taking the MMPI, so we were discussing that. I’ve been stressed lately, and struggling with some different things, but the truth of the matter is, I feel lots of freedom and very healthy. I think it’s because I can compare everything to OCD.
I said to my mom, “Compared to the hell I went through in the throes of OCD, I don’t believe that anything could be worse than hell itself.”
That surprised her. She said, “You always seemed to be so well put together, seemed to cope so well.”
It made me laugh. Facades can be so strong. I was an absolute, total, complete wreck during that time. I said to her, “I think what happens is that, with OCD, feeling awful just becomes the new norm, so it appears that way.” Sad but so true.
Hillsong was in the Twin Cities, and Erica and I went to their concert/worship experience last evening. The last time I went to a concert at Grace Church was in college … Audio Adrenaline and MercyMe … and last night we sat near where I sat all those years ago (would have been 2003). I can remember that night, eight and a half years ago, and how I felt I was on such shaky ground with God. Last night, I felt redeemed and free and grateful and healthy.
It just gives me so much hope for others who are in a bad place. Please, Jesus, free those who are held captive by their own minds. Work mightily through the means of Your choosing– miracles, medicines, therapies– to restore Your incredible freedom to obsessive-compulsives, and please draw all these rescued people’s eyes to You, to clearly see that You are, even now in 2011, in the business of redemption.