Truest Behind the Scenes

Posted on by
6

Writers are weird. At least, this one is.

* I know my characters’ middle names, though they are not mentioned in the book.
* I have a couple important scenes written from multiple POVs.
* I could send you links to a couple of their very real outfit choices.
* I have already casted the movie version of Truest. Which is not a real thing.

And though John Green would emphatically disagree with me …

* I have a decent idea of what happens to the characters after the story ends.

But …

* There is one Big Question in the book that I don’t know the answer to.

envelope

Image credit: Justin Henry

 

I love that “twenty.”

Posted on by
6

I got my galley pages today; that is, Truest is starting to look like an actual book.

I need to read through these, make any last-minute changes, and then we’ll make my ARCs (advance review copies)! I’m still tracking down permissions for a few of the song lyrics and poetry in the story. Let me tell you, that part is not fun. With my current work in progress, I’m trying to stick mostly to stuff in the public domain.

Anyway, I know a lot of you say that you want to hear all the details on the publication journey– even the little ones– so I thought I’d better share this exciting step with you all!

Hugs!

galley pages2galley pages3

 

Faith & Truest

Posted on by
2

成功への鍵I wrote Truest with God.

That might sound crazy, but it’s true. From beginning to end, this book was a collaborative project. I conferred and brainstormed with God on a continual basis. Any time I got stuck, I would retreat to my prayer journal and talk it over with God. It was typically during these conversations that the Spirit would give me his best ideas. I was more than happy to take them.

I understand that for those of you who aren’t theists this sounds preposterous. You’re welcome to believe that those brainstorming sessions were actually between me, myself, and I, but I know my limitations. I was not alone.

One of the cool things about Truest is that it’s a story for everyone. People who aren’t religious can enjoy the story at one level, and people who are will enjoy it at a different one. How to make that happen was itself a revelation.

It was a Monday evening. I had plans later that night in Hudson, Wisconsin, about forty-five minutes from my home, and I was lying down in bed, thinking over how in the world to make Truest the story I needed to tell while at the same time the story my agent believed could sell. As I lay there, a word came to my mind: parables. The word burrowed in.

I read and re-read what Christ said about his parables: that they were the way they were so that people who were seeking the deeper meaning would find it and people who weren’t would not. I prayed about it a lot and sat down to re-frame some of my most important scenes.

While I, of course, hope that many people will read between the lines of my story, I know that many will not– and I believe that that is okay. The book is written (or rather, was re-written) so that anyone at any level should be able to jump in and participate.

I cannot wait for you to read it. September 1, folks. Get pumped. I am.

OCD Research: Call for Participants

Posted on by
Reply
Do you suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?

Do you own an iPhone, iPad, or an iPod touch?

Do you want to try a mobile app self-help treatment for OCD?

 

If so, you may have the opportunity to participate in an online study being conducted by researchers at Brown University/Alpert Medical School evaluating a mobile app for OCD. Each participant will receive free access to the mobile app and be asked to complete four online surveys over 12 weeks. For further information and study participation, please contact Jessica Lawton at401-455-6541 or via email at JLawton@butler.org.  If you have questions regarding participation, you may also call Dr.  Maria Mancebo at 401-455-6216or via email at mmancebo@butler.org.

OCD & Truest

Posted on by
1

Cup of coffee and book pages- black and whiteTruest is deeply influenced by my experiences with OCD, especially the detachment and paranoia that first spurred me on to get a diagnosis. While Truest isn’t a book about OCD, there are strong themes about uncertainty and the nature of reality.

“Is it always this way?” I asked.

“What way?” Gordon asked back.

“Does life always have more questions than answers?”

“Oh, yes,” he said. “At least that’s my experience. And actually, the older I get, the more questions I have.”

“It seems so backward,” I said.

Gordon laughed a little and then said, “Does it really surprise you, Westie? Faith and uncertainty are accomplices.”

Truest is full of lessons I’ve learned from a life lived with OCD, in bondage and in freedom. I’m getting ridiculously eager to share it with you.

Click here to learn more!

My Blogging Well is Dry

Posted on by
4

Well in the gardenI want to blog. I feel like I have a lot to say. But when I think about sitting down and working it all out, I can’t think of what in the world I would write about.

I don’t want to take a break. I’m afraid of taking a break. If I took a break, I’m afraid it would turn into a Very Long Break.

I’ve been a consistent blogger for years now. In fact, in 2013, I blogged every day (424 posts!). Last year, I dipped down to three times a week, and that felt good. Sometimes it seemed unmanageable, but then I’d tell myself, “You stayed consistent through the hardest months of major, major revisions. If you could do it then, you can do it now.” Then I would.

But what is there to say? Okay, I know that’s a silly question. I’m an author. I have a million things to say– except now I’m saying them in books. There are other things I want to talk about on my blog, yes, but it seems like I’ve already talked about all of them. Even when I ask people what they’d like me to write about, they give suggestions, and I think, “I’ve written about exactly that before!” I wonder if all bloggers end up feeling redundant, or if it’s just me.

So, I’m in a slump. I don’t feel depressed in other areas of my life, but I feel really sluggish when it comes to my blog.

And this is a time when I absolutely don’t want to be a sluggish blogger … with a book on the horizon!

That said, you may or may not be hearing a little less from me these days. I’m going to put some thought into the blog and see what I come up with. I definitely want to keep doing my 2015 poetry campaign. I want to talk about all things related to Truest. I want to chat about writing and creativity. I don’t want to talk about OCD these days (just being honest!)– plus my work in progress is about OCD, so that’s a little overwhelming itself at times. I want to talk about books I’m reading. I want to update you all on my life.

Thanks for letting me share my heart and thoughts here. I’ll let you know what I come up with!

Random Facts about Me

Posted on by
2

unsplash7.21. I love online shopping. Probably too much.

2. I’m an editor for Crux Literary Journal.

3. I’m scared of nuclear war but still toy around with this nuke map.

4. I love Toad & the Wet Sprocket.

5. I used to have nightmares about the rapture. Now my nightmares involve claustrophobia.

6. The most challenging class I took in college was called Writing Theory & Ethics. It was fascinating, but most of the time I was in over my head. For my big paper, I argued that Kenneth Burke’s theory of the negative was incompatible with a Christian worldview. Again, in over my head. But it was one of my favorite papers I wrote in college and the one that made me proudest.

7. I like the experience of reading fiction and creative non-fiction … but with regular old non-fiction, I just want to learn. I wish I could upload the content directly into my brain.

8. I don’t watch scary movies after Minority Report made me afraid for something like three weeks. (I thought there would be pre-cogs in my car.)

9. I sponsor three children in the Philippines: Antonio June since August 2005, Jona since January 2007, and Bea since November 2008. I adore these kiddos and deeply believe in the mission of Compassion International.

compassion

10. I’ve had a lot of roommates over the years. At least 25.

Recent Reads

Posted on by
3

rrThis is the Story of a Happy Marriage by Ann Patchett
When I heard David Sedaris speak last fall, he strongly endorsed this collection of Ann Patchett’s essays, and basically, if David Sedaris tells me it’s good, I’m gonna go buy it. I’m so glad I did. The essay topics range from divorce and marriage to death, dogs, and writing. I cried multiple times while listening to the audio version (read by Patchett herself). Writers, even if you don’t read the entire book, I highly recommend that you at least read her essay entitled “The Getaway Car: A Practical Memoir about Writing and Life.” It’s about 40 pages long and so, so good.

rr2Open Road Summer by Emery Lord
This debut novel was showing up on everyone’s end-of-the-year best-of-2014 lists, and I had it on my TBR shelf, so I happily plucked it from its resting place and gave it a read. It’s the story of bad-girl-on-the-mend Reagan, who goes on tour with her country music star best friend Dee and falls for Matt, the boy who is opening for Dee. I found a couple things hard (personally) as I read: since they’re on a giant cross-country music tour, the setting changes faster than I can keep up! Also, I was a little unclear on what drew Matt and Reagan to one another. That said, this is a lot of people’s favorite book of 2014, so if a country music tour and summer love with a hottie guitarist is up your alley, you’re gonna love this one!

rr3

Adverbs by Daniel Handler
One of those books where you go, “WHAT did I just READ?” But I loved it. Daniel Handler (AKA Lemony Snicket) is hilarious in this book. He takes tropes and ridiculous analogies and bizarre events and makes them work to his advantage. I had thought this was a YA book, but it’s for adults. It’s strange and wonderful and funny and makes me believe that I could never, ever match Handler’s wit. I saw that another reviewer of this book had said, “It’s a collection of short stories that feels like a novel.” It does and it doesn’t. It was like David Sedaris writing fiction. It breaks every single rule with aplomb.

 rr4Everything that Makes You by Moriah McStay
I’ve saved the best for last. Moriah McStay and I share an agent and an editor; she’s like my publishing “big sister” and lets me whine to her anytime I want. When our editor was in Minnesota this past summer, she gave me an ARC of Everything that Makes You, and as Moriah’s publication date approaches (March 17th!), I realized I’d better hop on it and read the ARC. My. Gosh. I mean this in the best way possible when I say that this book made me bawl and bawl and bawl. It’s a fascinating premise told in alternating chapters: in one part, we learn the story of Fiona, a girl with facial scars; in the other, we hear from Fi, who never had the accident. You encounter the same cast of characters in each story, but Fiona’s interactions with them are vastly different based on which reality she’s in. It was brilliant and incredible and put my heart into a vice and squeezed. I cannot wait for the rest of the world to meet Fiona and her friends. I sent Moriah a barrage of emails and tweets while I read this. It’s fair to say it clobbered me.

What Does Compassion Look Like?

Posted on by
5

Heart in the stone fenceMany, many OCD sufferers have been contacting me lately: they want to share their story, seek advice, and– in many cases– seek reassurance. Do you really think this is OCD?

My answer is pretty standard for those I believe are truly dealing with OCD. I tell them I’m not a mental health professional but that, in my experience, what they are describing sounds a lot like other cases of OCD. I encourage them to seek out ERP therapy.

They write back: So you really do think this is OCD?

But I know this routine.

It’s usually a compulsion, their asking repeatedly.

I explain this to them, remind them that I’ve already told them what I think.

I just want to make sure, they say. You really, really think this is OCD?

I explain again that their asking me over and over is not healthy for them and that they need to do ERP.

A week later, they’ll message me and ask again. I become a broken record, refusing to give in to their compulsions and doling out tougher and tougher love:

* I’ve told you what I believe and what is the solution. I have nothing more to add.
* Can you see that you’ve asked me X times now? That is a compulsion– seeking reassurance– and I’m not going to give in to it. It’ s unhealthy for you.

Or, in some cases, I won’t respond. What more is there to say?

This troubles me.

On the one hand, I know what it’s like to be gripped with the incredible fear and doubt of OCD. I know how it dials up to a fever pitch, and how desperately you just want. some. relief.

But I also know that compulsions are a short-term non-solution that only exacerbates things. I know that ERP therapy is the long-term solution.

It puts me in a really rough spot. I fear that I come across as cold, hard-hearted, tough, even rude. The years since I underwent ERP therapy have brought such intense clarity to my thinking that sometimes it’s hard for me to empathize in the same way I once could. Don’t get me wrong. I remember the 20 years of OCD hell. I haven’t forgotten. But the almost seven years since my own successful treatment have made me more confident in just about every way– including in what the appropriate treatment for OCD is. I won’t budge on it. I won’t recommend a band-aid. I can’t.

And I can’t cater to compulsions. I did that for myself for too many heartbreaking years, and I won’t give in to something that perpetuates prison for other sufferers.

In my desperate desire for their freedom, I think I come across too tough.

I don’t know the answer to this. I’m frustrated: with myself, with others.

But I know that compulsions kept me locked up and ERP set me free. That’s the line I draw in the sand. Maybe I’m being too tough on hurting souls. But I would be a liar if I gave out band-aids to cancer patients. That’s why I refuse to parry to compulsions.

For those of you involved in advocacy, is this a problem that you’ve had to face? How have you managed it with grace and compassion? I want to fight the good fight, but I feel so frustrated and tired.

This week, I counted up all the emails that the OCD community and I have batted around for the last two years, and it was near 2500. I’ve decided that– for the time being– I can no longer respond to these emails. It’s pushing me into an unhealthy place. I closed the messaging option on my Facebook page and posted this message on my Contact page:

Due to an overwhelming number of emails about OCD, HOCD, ERP, and the like, I am no longer able to respond to personal messages about these matters; I’m not a therapist, and though it honors me that you’d share your story with me, I’ve found that I am not in a place where I can handle such stories in a healthy way. I invite you to read my message to you atwww.jackieleasommers.com/OCD-help. It is everything that I would say to you in an email. I wish you all the best as you pursue freedom from OCD. Godspeed.

These actions have given me a sense of both freedom and failure, but I hope people will understand.