Category Archives: writing

Review (& Thoughts On) The Art of Slow Writing by Louise deSalvo

Posted on by
1

slow writingSo, this book is called The Art of Slow Writing, but the truth is that I read it very slowly. It’s taken me months to finish this book, not because it wasn’t good (it was!) but because I’ve been so busy and overwhelmed, plus it has content I wanted to take in over time.

I really enjoyed this book– it was a constant reminder to let art run its course, to let books reveal themselves in their own time, to embrace the uncertainty of the writing life, and how important persistence is to she who wants to be an author.

 

 

Loved this:

uncertainty writing

I’m writing slowly right now. But that doesn’t mean I’m not working hard. I spent last Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday doing research, hammering out details, brainstorming, plotting, and finishing up my VERY LONG AND DETAILED synopsis, which is now up to thirteen pages, double-spaced. I could NOT have created this synopsis early on. I needed to spend over a year with this story and let ideas build and build before I could pull this blueprint together.

But now that it IS together, I have a map from the beginning to the end of my novel. I have 60K words written already, but SO MUCH editing to do … plus I’m imagining about another 20K left to write.

This page from deSalvo’s book is Where I Am At:

slow writing quote

It is one thing to amass 50 or 60 thousand words of prose. It’s an entirely different beast to shape those words into a book. I learned so much while writing Lights All Around— and learned even MORE writing Truest— but there is still so much to learn. Every new book is a new mountain. Climbing one mountain does not mean I know how to climb all mountains.

It’s fulfilling work, but it is most definitely WORK.

I like life.

Posted on by
8

This was a really busy– but ultimately really good– week for me.

Last week, I was (pre?) diagnosed with a sleep disorder– Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome, which sounds totally fake but isn’t. Basically, my circadian rhythm is off, which is why I stay awake so late (even with Ambien!) and then feel impossibly paralyzed in the mornings. I’m meeting with a specialized sleep psychologist next month, and in the meantime, I had blood work done to see if it’s safe for me to go back onto Risperdal. I took that tiny .5 mg (notice that is POINT-FIVE not FIVE mg) pill for eight years, and when I went off of it (maybe six months ago?), I’ve just gone haywire. I know that for most people, mornings are not fun. But, for me, they’ve been impossible. I don’t know how else to explain it.

My favorite kiddos came over on Saturday, and later I found a sweet note from the six year old. Allow me to translate: “Ava loves Jackie’s house.” Jak E with a backward J leaves you with cake. I like cake.

My editor was in the Twin Cities, so we hung out on Monday, brainstorming and discussing Salt Novel as well as writing and publishing in general and all the things we’ve been learning lately. It was wonderful! I left feeling energized to write and excited about my manuscript. Now to find more time …
The rest of the week consisted of therapy (yay), haircut (yay) and dye job (yay? see pics.), getting paid for the German translation of Truest (YAY), and ice cream with my bestie (major yay).

How about you? I can’t believe July is half over. Where is summer going? I’m ready for cooler temps (it’s been in the nineties in Minnesota and miserably humid, though the end of this week was better) but I’m not ready for the ruckus of fall recruitment quite yet.

Think of me as I sort out my sleep/novel/work/life.

Up/Down

Posted on by
1

Hey peeps, hope you had a lovely Independence Day weekend! I sure did. I was able to rest and read, plus I put in lots of hours of writing.

I’ve had a lot of UPs lately:

I feel good about my novel outline. I’ve been enjoying writing and doing it regularly. Work is going great. I actually had an amazing and productive day yesterday that reminded me how much I love my job. My friends are so lovely, and so is my family. I had a heart-to-heart with my daddy. My coworkers are so fun and smart and terrific. My fingernails are a pretty pink.

I’ve had a couple DOWNs too:

There is a mouse somewhere in my house who is smarter than my EIGHT traps. There was a storm last night in which my city got three inches of rain in 45 minutes, and some of the rain found its way into my basement. I was not exactly loving homeownership last night, but thankfully, my roomie knew what to do. I have at least one morning each week where I wake up in a depressive funk that is unexplainable except for brain chemistry.

But that’s life, right? I’m feeling good and grateful, and I feel full of ideas and drive (usually) and feel like a sponge with all that I am learning (book research FTW!). I have a long way to go toward my ultimate goals (writing/health/work/etc.), but I’m on the road.

Wave as I drive past!

 

Bullseye

Posted on by
2

There are days–sometimes just moments–when the problems of a manuscript start to be solved one by one, and the author has this distinct feeling of playing one of those sharpshooter carnival games, knocking down one target after the next. A quick succession of ping, ping, ping, ping.

That’s this weekend. It feels like victory, like a turning point. There’s doubt mixed in too. But that’s expected.

It’s been a weekend full of prayer, journaling, strategic research, and thoughtfulness. Very little time with the actual manuscript, a lot of time with my process journal.

There will be more problems to solve soon enough. But for today, I am reveling in the ones that have solutions.

And I’m excited to write!

image

Thoughts on ERP, Writing, & Uncertainty

Posted on by
Reply

Uncertainty.

For so many years, it was my enemy– or so I perceived it, especially because full-blown clinical obsessive-compulsive disorder made me fear and reject uncertainty even more than the average bear. Everything in my life was about pursuing certainty, answers, black & white.

And, of course, I was miserable.

In 2008, I went through the harrowing but ultimately beautiful process of exposure therapy, which took my OCD out at the knees, giving me the bandwidth to live with uncertainty, questions, and all the shades of gray.

It’s only recently that I’ve recognized exposure therapy as the training ground (or maybe even battle ground) that would let me later pursue my dreams of being an author.

A hard truth: writing is full of uncertainty. 

uncertainty2

Not just writing– but publishing itself too. There is this crazy-making stretch of life in the middle of writing a book that feels both unclear and perpetual. What is this book really about? Who are these characters? Can I do this? Can I finish this? Is this story going to matter to anyone but me? Is this going to even matter to me? Will my writing group like it? Will my agent? My editor? Readers? Will I find success? Will I get another contract?

The writing life is, for many of us (and especially for younger writers), a world in grayscale: a constant state of uncertainty that we have to persist in in order to find any relief or success.

For as many days as I think I’m totally failing at life and writing, I have to remember what it would have been like to be writing and publishing before exposure therapy, back when uncertainty was unbearable. I’m not even sure how it would have been possible to be doing what I’m doing now without exposure therapy laying the groundwork for me to bear the not-knowing, let alone to thrive in it.

“The world doesn’t work that way.” I hear myself and other OCD awareness advocates saying this to sufferers all the time. In context, we mean, “Life inherently is full of uncertainty. You cannot eliminate it.”

The truth of that hits me over and over again in the field of writing.

Exposure therapy was the terrible, grueling practice for the writing life. Uncertainty is rampant; I try to keep my arms open.

 

Rhythm is a Dancer

Posted on by
Reply

… and for a while now, I’ve not been invited to the dance.

That said, last night I wrote for a whole hour, and it felt SO GREAT. I remembered why I love being creative, love the hard work of it, the struggle to find the exact perfect word, the research and learning, the epiphanies (no matter how small).

I hope I can sustain some sort of rhythm. Right now I need TIME. There never seems to be enough hours in a day …

 

Striking Out

Posted on by
3

It just occurred to me as I titled this post that “striking out” can be positive or negative.

I’m striking out on a new adventure! 🙂

I’m striking out on this revision. 😦

I am hopeful that I mean the former.

I had a weird night, mostly in that I didn’t sleep, not for one minute. I stayed up looking at clickbait, and then it was one am, then I stayed up reading, and then it was four am, and then I watched YouTube, and then it was six am, and then the sun was up and I wasn’t tired whatsoever, so I got up, went downstairs, and now I’m on my computer, and it’s seven-thirty am, and I just yawned. This is my life.

Anyway, I’m diving into a new revision today. I plotted and prayed (and need to do more of both, I’m sure), but long-time blog readers will know that too much plotting destroys my soul and the soul of my stories, so I’m walking into the battlefield mostly unarmed.

Writing takes so much courage. It costs me just to open up my document.

And even though I prefer going in with just a minimal plan, it’s still really, really scary. (Maybe even scarier? I hate to pit plotters and pantsers against each other. Writing– period– is just really hard and vulnerable and frightening– period.)

Think of me today.

Unsplash28

Perspective in Three Parts

Posted on by
2

I.

I keep letting a piece of my identity wipe out and overshadow the whole rest of my identity.

II.

This is still nothing compared to the old dark days of OCD.

III.

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

— St. Teresa of Avila

unsplash44

Expectations vs. Reality

Posted on by
2

I just sent myself a letter five years into the future about what my expectations of being a published author were versus what my reality looks like. The chasm is vast and disappointing, and I needed to write this letter just to put it down in words and to cast it into the future with the wild hope that I won’t always be as lost as I feel right now.

My friend Kathy Ellen recently posted this on one of her Instagram accounts:

great mail day

It made me think.

What if the thing that has made me unhappiest is also the thing that has made me happiest?

Do you run to or from a paradox?

Nothing Like a Good List

Posted on by
7

Hi folks, a little update:

Wednesday, I had my first session of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), a treatment which is truly fascinating. I’ll be honest: I’m not sure I entirely understand it yet, but basically– “when a traumatic or distressing experience occurs, it may overwhelm normal coping mechanisms. The memory and associated stimuli are inadequately processed and stored in an isolated memory network” (Wikipedia), and the use of bilateral stimulation (moving eyes back and forth or– as my therapist uses– two small “buzzers,” one for each hand, which alternate buzzing back and forth) allows the patient and therapist to crack into that part of the memory.

I think. On a scale of 1-10 for how much of an EMDR expert I am, I rank at about negative 3.

Talked to my editor on Thursday. It was really good. We agreed on most things, and I felt ready to move forward. It was a great feeling that faded a bit since then. (It’s one thing to feel ready for the next steps; it’s an entirely other thing to actually get myself to take them.)

Friday, I spoke at the Walker Public Library in northern Minnesota. It was a blast! People from the community as well as about twenty high schoolers came to the event, where I talked about Truest, writing, publishing, and brain disorders. Somehow, I end up speaking about OCD at almost every turn. It was one of the main players in my life prior to 2008, so I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised that it would come up when I discuss my history. I’m glad for the opportunities. It feels good to have a chance to share a little about it– and also to take away the stigma of mental illness being “shameful” to discuss. I think when I can mention it in the same breath as my writing life, my day job, etc., it steals away the stigma for the listeners. At least, I hope it does. It was a really fun day, plus my mom came with for the long car ride, and we laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. She’s the best.

Saturday, I needed a break. So I took one, even though I felt sort of guilty about it. I watched a trillion episodes of Criminal Minds on Netflix and took a three-hour nap. It was beautiful, even if it set me back a little bit.

So today I needed to work. I didn’t feel like working, so I called my mom, who encouraged me to make a list. YES. GREAT IDEA. I LOVE LISTS. I’m actually sort of obsessed with them. So I made a list, a long one. And I’ve been busting my butt for hours today crossing things off. When I publish this blog post, that’ll be one more thing off my list. 🙂 I’m cruising and it feels good. I’m trying to decide if I want to wait till tomorrow to work on book brainstorming or not– I need to gauge whether I am avoiding out of fear or just strategically allowing myself more time to let ideas simmer. The latter is okay; the first is not.

How are you? I’d love to hear from you with stories about what you’ve been up to. Are you excited for summer? I am excited that UNW’s graduation is over and that we’ll have a quiet summer with tons of parking … but I’m not ready for it to be in the nineties. It got that hot a week or so ago, and I thought I was melting. Oh Minnesota, land of extremes.