I just sent myself a letter five years into the future about what my expectations of being a published author were versus what my reality looks like. The chasm is vast and disappointing, and I needed to write this letter just to put it down in words and to cast it into the future with the wild hope that I won’t always be as lost as I feel right now.
My friend Kathy Ellen recently posted this on one of her Instagram accounts:
It made me think.
What if the thing that has made me unhappiest is also the thing that has made me happiest?
Do you run to or from a paradox?
JACKIE LEA SOMMERS 
Sounds like you’re a protagonist. That, or you’ve got the theme for your next book.
Replace “book deal” with “family” or “religion” or “love” or “career” and I think you’ll find plenty of people who are in the same boat.
That which brings the most fulfillment is the thing that will likely bring you the most struggle. Without conflict, there is no character growth.
Take away paradoxes, and we’d all be floating around in a monochromatic world.
That’s a great (and CUTE!) pep talk for sane or nondepressed people, but there’s no way I’m going to dive into that rabbit hole. Most of the things I dislike are beyond my control.
Things I dislike: mortality. pain. my lack of spoons. migraines. depression. family drama. isms. hatred. sex trade. that hundreds of thousands of children are in need of homes. that millions are without fresh water.
And now I’m in physical pain, so I’ll stop.
I’m a fixer by nature. Some things I just can’t fix. I can only make so much of a difference. That’s why I need the cross so desperately.