Category Archives: real life

Divergent, Katherine Tegen Books, & Contemporary Novels

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divergentI recently finished Divergent by Veronica Roth, and I. Loved. It.

The book is set in post-apocalyptic Chicago, where the city is divided into five factions, each based on what they most value.  Abnegation values selflessness; Erudite values knowledge; Amity values friendship; Candor values truth.

And Dauntless?  It values fearlessness, bravery, courage.

Beatrice Prior is sixteen, so it’s time for her to choose a faction.  Should she stay in Abnegation, where she was born and raised, or should she leave her faction for a new one?  Her choice changes her life.

As many of you know, dystopians are not typically my first choice to read, which is why it took me so long to pick this one up (I bought it about a year ago!), but I shouldn’t have waited.  It was delicious.  The characters are fabulous, the world-building is incredible, and action is non-stop.  And it’s safe to say that Four, the love interest, will be pushing others further down on my Literary Boyfriends List.

One thing that is super exciting to me is that the Divergent series is published by Katherine Tegen Books, my new publisher!  I feel incredibly blessed and humbled to be invited into the publishing family that published Divergent!  Every once in a while it will hit me that the same people who gave this incredible book its wings into the world are doing the same for Truest.

What I loved the most about Divergent are the characters themselves, the relationships between characters, and the ideas and concepts that it helps you to process.  It’s almost always this way for me.  I value characters, relationships, and ideas more than world-building, action, adventure, setting, etc.  I think that’s why I’m drawn to writing contemporary, realistic novels– because they allow me to focus on the former more than on the latter.  (Don’t misunderstand me: setting and plot are still terrifically important!  But characters are always first in my book.)

I feel that I’m not explaining myself well (maybe because I’m writing this near midnight).  To be clear, I loved Divergent.  Veronica Roth did an amazing job.  What I’m saying is that she made me fall in love with her characters, and once that happens, the rest is (nearly) moot to me.  I love Tris and Four, and so Roth could make them do almost anything, and I’d be invested.  In other words, their story (for me) wouldn’t have to be about factions in post-apocalyptic Chicago.  I feel the same way about Maggie Stiefvater’s The Raven Boys.  I am in love with Blue, Gansey, Ronan, Adam, Noah, and the rest– and so the book wouldn’t even have to be about awakening a Welsh king or a family of psychics.  I mean this as a tremendous compliment.  I only hope that one day people love my characters this way.

I often think that this disproportionate love I have for characters over action is what has made me so at home with contemporary novels.  (Along with my sorry lack of world-building skills!)  Heaven knows I love magic and fantasy as much as (read: more than) the rest of the world, but I do think that there is tremendous magic in daily life: dynamic discussions, building one’s worldview like a tenuous fort, falling in love slowly and deeply, watching fireworks from a rooftop patio, talking about words in a field of wind turbines that skulk like monsters.  These things become fantastic if they are spent with characters who are beloved.

I hope this post makes sense.  To summarize: I am besotted with Divergent and wish I wrote it; I am in love with Four; I value characters more than anything else in a story, and I think that’s why I write contemporaries.

Edit: Since I originally wrote this post, I finished the whole series, including Insurgent and Allegiant.  At the time of writing this, I just finished Allegiant about five minutes ago.  I’m grappling with a lot of things right now and loving that literature presses us to do that.  So powerful.

Character Survey: Jackie Lea Sommers

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editchristmasBefore I write a novel, I fill out the following survey questions about my main characters.  The first set of questions comes from Gotham Writers’ Workshop.  The second set are from this Yingle Yangle post.  Since people want to know more about me, I thought I’d fill them out for myself.  (Gosh, it feels so egotistical, but this is what you guys asked for.)

P.S. I feel like a teenager filling out questionnaires on Myspace.

• What is your character’s name? Does the character have a nickname?

Jackie Lea Sommers.  My nicknames are Jack, Jach, Jav (pronounced yawv).  A lot of people DO actually call me Jackie Lea or JLS.

• What is your character’s hair color? Eye color?

I’m dishwater blonde with blue eyes.  Although I dyed my hair this winter, so right now it’s fading from red to strawberry blonde.

• What kind of distinguishing facial features does your character have?

Very pale, almost non-existent eyebrows.  Which I hate.

• Does your character have a birthmark? Where is it? What about scars? How did he get them?

I am missing the tips of two fingers and six toes.  Yep, for real!  I was born that way, although I usually tell more dramatic lies, such as my mother chopped them off, I was in a lawn mower accident, etc.

• Who are your character’s friends and family? Who does she surround herself with? Who are the people your character is closest to? Who does he wish he were closest to?

My dad Tom, my mom Ronda, my sister Kristin, and my brother Kevin are all amazing and hilarious.  Some of my very best friends are Eir, Ashley, and Des (Des was my roomie for six years!).  I wish I were friends with Theo James, the actor who plays Four in the upcoming Divergent movie.  I have had to grieve the fact that it is highly unlikely I will ever get the chance to make out with him.

• Where was your character born? Where has she lived since then? Where does she call home?

Minnesota!

• Where does your character go when he’s angry?

Nap time!

• What is her biggest fear? Who has she told this to? Who would she never tell this to? Why?

Hell has been the biggest fear of my life, although since ERP, this has settled down considerably.  

• Does she have a secret?

I do.  Thanks for asking.

• What makes your character laugh out loud?

My co-workers!

• When has your character been in love? Had a broken heart?

I’m not sure that I’ve ever been in love.  I want to be!  My heart has been broken countless times– I count this as writing fuel.

Then dig deeper by asking more unconventional questions:

• What is in your character’s refrigerator right now? On her bedroom floor? On her nightstand? In her garbage can?

Fridge looks pretty empty; I need to venture out into the -22 degrees windchill weather to get some groceries.  Bedroom floor, nightstand … BOOKS!  (There are usually books on every surface in this apartment.)

• Look at your character’s feet. Describe what you see there. Does he wear dress shoes, gym shoes, or none at all? Is he in socks that are ratty and full of holes? Or is he wearing a pair of blue and gold slippers knitted by his grandmother?

Barefoot right now!  I wear dress flats to work, TOMS everywhere else, winter boots when I can get away with it.

• When your character thinks of her childhood kitchen, what smell does she associate with it? Sauerkraut? Oatmeal cookies? Paint? Why is that smell so resonant for her?

Cinnamon toast.  I’d LOVE those days when I’d wake up on a school day, go downstairs, and Dad would be making cinnamon-sugar toast for us!

• Your character is doing intense spring cleaning. What is easy for her to throw out? What is difficult for her to part with? Why?

I’m not much of a hoarder, except for mementos, like notes and letters that people have given to me.  Even books I can more easily part with– I take a bag to Half-Price Books every so often and get a little cash for the ones that aren’t worthy to stay on my bookshelves.

• It’s Saturday at noon. What is your character doing? Give details. If he’s eating breakfast, what exactly does he eat? If she’s stretching out in her backyard to sun, what kind of blanket or towel does she lie on?

Honestly?  Just waking up, lol!

• What is one strong memory that has stuck with your character from childhood? Why is it so powerful and lasting?

I intensely remember when my mom explained to me how she knew I loved God.  I’d struggled with it for three years, and she changed my life with that explanation.

• Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where is she going? What does she wear? Who will she be with?

Probably dinner or a play/musical with a friend!

NEXT SURVEY (by the way, my answers for my characters are usually a bit longer!):

  1. What one thing do you want more than anything else?
    To love God and people well, to be a successful writer.
  1. What would you do if you got it?
    Be joyful.
  1. What did you learn from your parents’ mistakes?
    I don’t drink alcohol at all.  Not ever.
  1. What would you spend your last $10 on? Something indulgent, something practical?
    A journal and a pen, and I’d start frantically writing.
  1. What (or whom) do you blame?
    OCD.
  1. What do you not tell anyone?
    Very little.  As a blogger for mental illness awareness, I’m a pretty open book!
  1. What do you not admit to yourself?
    I’m not sure of this one!  I sometimes think I’m going to be single forever, but I don’t like to spend time with that thought, so I’ll go with that.
  1. What is your biggest regret?
    Not doing ERP sooner.
  1. What is the worst thing you ever did? (It’s not always the same as the biggest regret).
    I can be very cruel with my words when I want to be.
  1. What should you care about, but don’t?
    What people think about me.
  1. What do people say about you?
    “She’s crazy!”  Don’t worry– they’re not referring to OCD, just everything else I do.
  1. What do will the character’s last thought will be? (For obvious reasons it’s hard to phrase this as a direction question).
    Jesus, take me home.
  1. What is your earliest memory?
    I remember spilling Cheerios on the floor when I was only about two and then, thinking I’d get in trouble, I began to frantically eat the evidence.  This is the only super early memory I have.
  1. What is your prejudice?
    I have a prejudice against certain Christian ministries.  That’s probably really bad, right?
  1. What relationship has upset you most?
    There was this boy.  I thought something was going to happen between us.  Then he moved away and dropped out of my life (and everyone else’s) really suddenly.  You can read about it in my story Lights All Around.
  2. What about high school or college upset you most?
    I was shoulder-deep in OCD; it messed with my relationships.
  1. What about your job upsets you the most?
    I actually love my job.  A lot.  Go Eagles!
  1. What do you best?
    I’m creative.
  1. What will happen after you die?
    Jesus.
  1. What things do you know the least about?
    Fashion, television, sports, cooking.

The Long Journey … to the Starting Line

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"Cross That Line" by xLadyDaisyx on deviantArt

“Cross That Line” by xLadyDaisyx on deviantArt

It is SO HARD for OCD sufferers to be correctly diagnosed and then find the right treatment and a good cognitive-behavioral therapist.  In fact, it takes an average of 14-17 years for someone to access effective treatment.

That stat stings my heart.  I feel it deeply because of my own personal struggle.

I developed a sudden onset of OCD at the age of 7.  I wasn’t diagnosed with OCD until I was 22.  I started ERP (exposure and response prevention) therapy at 27.  That’s twenty years, folks– fifteen just till diagnosis alone.

Growing up, I just assumed that I “thought too much”– was an “overthinker” and especially sensitive to issues of morality. I didn’t understand that other people were also undergoing the same doubts as I was but were able to move past them with ease.  I, on the other hand, would get trapped.  The exit door to my brain was stuck shut, so all my thoughts just milled and churned and generated intense anxiety.  I didn’t know that others even had the same thoughts as I did, nor did I realize how it would be possible to let such thoughts come and go.

In childhood, I cried all the time.  In fact, I cried every single night for three years in a row.  I never told my parents about this.  I was so scared that they wouldn’t be able to “fix” me that I preferred to just rest in my own sadness, still clinging to the hope that *someday* I could be fixed.  As long as no one told me it was impossible, it still felt possible, and even thought I was terrifically sad, I kept that hope as my lifeline.

High school was a beast.  I got straight A’s (OCD drove me to perfectionism) and graduated at the top of my class.  I was a class clown, and I had some amazing friends.  But I battled intense spiritual doubts and lived in great fear.  My tenth grade year was one of the hardest of my whole life.  Only those closest to me knew it.

My doubts intensified in college.  They escalated to a whole new level.  Thankfully, I had a solid support system in my new friends (people who remain my support system to this day!).  And though they couldn’t understand what I was going through, they loved me.

After undergrad, things fell apart.  In a nutshell, I lost my grip on reality– my doubts had grown so large and out of control that I no longer knew if I could trust my friends or my own human experience.  Finally, for the first time in my life, someone used the words mental illness with me.  It felt shocking.

I was encouraged to meet with a therapist (unfortunately, a talk therapist– not effective for OCD), who also got me in to meet with a psychiatrist, and I was finally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder.  A diagnosis fifteen years in the making.

I spent about a year with that first talk therapist, and it was more damaging than anything else.  I finally “escaped” and never again set foot in that clinic.  Meanwhile, I was an SSRI lab rat, trying out a slew of various medications to treat my OCD.  I eventually went back to talk therapy– this time to a much better therapist, who was a true blessing, although she still didn’t truly understand OCD, and so my therapy included a lot of reassurances.  In other words, this kind, amazing woman who loved me was just reinforcing my compulsions.  Not good.  I also took a break from trying out medications after one stole all my energy and made me rapidly gain weight.  I was overweight for the first time in my life– all due to a medication– and have struggled with my weight ever since.

Five years after that initial diagnosis, my psychiatrist was out of ideas.  Literally.  She asked me what I thought we should do next.  I, of course, had no clue.  She referred me to an OCD specialist.

This incredible man– Dr. Suck Won Kim– changed my life.  He got me onto the right medication (almost immediately) and essentially required that I begin ERP, even giving me the name and contact information for the therapist who would ultimately allow me to bottle up my OCD and put a stopper in it.  Dr. Chris Donahue, to whom I’m forever indebted.

Twelve weeks was all it took.  In one sense.  In another, it took twenty years.

My life was a mix of depression, anxiety, compulsions, “bad” thoughts, and wrongness, and then twelve weeks later, I felt the burden of OCD lift from my shoulders.  I was giddy with freedom.  Five years later, I still am.

I hear from OCD sufferers every week who are in their 50’s, 60’s, or even older, who are still seeking appropriate treatment.  This absolutely breaks my heart.

On the flip side, I’ve had the incredible experience of meeting Maddie, 11, and her incredible parents, who leapt into action almost immediately and got her into ERP within months of her OCD onset.  In the same year, she developed OCD, was diagnosed, and was treated.  Marvelous!

That’s one of the reasons I blog about OCD.  To help people to understand earlier what they are dealing with and to encourage them to seek appropriate treatment (ERP, with or without medication).  It still just boggles my mind that in 2013, mental health practitioners still don’t know that ERP is the answer.  People get passed around from talk therapist to talk therapist, when the solution should be so ready, so available.

One of those pre-birthday posts where I whine about being single

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Soon, I will be thirty-two years old.  Wowza.  How in the world did that happen?  I mean, theoretically I understand that every twenty-four hours the earth does a pirouette around the sun and eventually that adds up to a long dance.

But still.

Usually every time January 17th rolls around I re-evaluate the year that just flew by, and I usually feel pretty bummed about all that I haven’t accomplished.  This year, I’m trying to celebrate all the joyous events that came about in 2013: it was another year of OCD being under my heel, I got my first book deal, I won the Katherine Paterson Prize, I started blogging for the OCD Foundation.  That’s exciting stuff!

Still single.  Always single.

I know thirty-two is not that old, but please remember that I both went to and now work for a Christian college.  Do you know what that means?  “Ring by Spring” is the [only half-joking] tagline, and all these little virgins are running around dying to have sex.  Again, I’m only half joking.

I’ve watched nearly all of my college friends get married.  I am the only unmarried roommate (of eight) from my Moyer Hall days, the only unmarried roommate (of something like 12-14 [it was like a revolving door]) of my Lodge days.  I have watched high school freshmen grow through their high school years, graduate, come to Northwestern, fall in love, and get married under my nose.  I blink, and they who were once children are wearing white and saying vows.

It’s okay.  Tonight it’s okay, at least.

It helps to have a book deal.  It almost feels like an excuse.  (This is the first Christmas in a long while I didn’t get asked if I had a boyfriend … we talked about the book deal instead.  PRAISE GOD.)  I know I don’t need to have an “excuse” for not being in a relationship … but sometimes it feels that way.  Just being honest.

In the nearly eleven years since college, I have learned vicariously through my friends just how difficult marriage is.  (Like, really, really hard.)  I’ve watched friends go through difficulties, separations, divorces that shatter my heart.  I am glad I didn’t marry young.  Not that it is wrong to marry young, but I’m such a very, very different person now than I was in college.  And I’m more emotionally stable, slower to anger, quicker to administer grace.

Anyway, to summarize this, I wish I was in love.  Heck, I’d settle for just having a crush on someone who wasn’t a fictional character.  But I’m also okay (tonight, at least) and not wasting my singleness.

jackie is single

My One Word: Grace

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At myoneword.org, readers are encouraged to ditch the long list of new year’s resolutions and instead choose one word to focus on all year long, one word to inspire you, one word that encapsulates the character you want to have.

I’ve chosen grace.

one word grace

There are so many reasons:

1) I need so much grace from God.  Every single day.

2) I need to give myself grace.  I’m a perfectionist, and I can be very hard on myself.  This year, I want to give myself more grace.  This is not the same thing as allowing myself to slack off.  Instead, it’s practicing kindness and generosity toward myself, especially in my writing.

3) I desperately want to grow in extending grace to others.  I have been shown such an abundance of undeserved favor; I want to turn that around and show that to others.

2014, I hope and pray, will be a year full of black and white and also so many shades of gray, which help me to be more gracious, to value mercy from others and offer it freely, and to wield generosity as best as I can.

 

 

Original image from weheartit.com, edited at picmonkey.com.

I Have a Good Feeling about 2014

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new year cropped

Note: I understand that just a few hours ago I posted about how depression has stolen into my life this very day.  Below is a post I wrote weeks ago, and I’m still going to let it go live because I know that what I’m feeling with depression is a lie and what the post says below is true.  I’d still appreciate your prayers.

I am so excited for 2014!

One year ago I wrote an honest post about how different my life was than what I thought it would be.  I jabbered on a lot about wanting to be in a relationship, but I also mentioned that I wished I had an advanced degree and that people wanted to read what I wrote.

So, 2013 unrolled itself in interesting ways.  I’m still drastically single (I don’t even see the tiny silhouette of a man on the distant horizon, waving my way), but 2013 saw my writing career finally take off with winning the Katherine Paterson Prize and then securing a two-book deal with Katherine Tegen Books/HarperCollins.  I applied to Vermont College of Fine Arts and was admitted, but my editor said I already knew how to write a book, so I am going to cancel my admission there.

(A part of me is a little sad about this.  I think I’ll always wish I was a VCFA alumnus.)

(Most of me, however, is thrilled that I can focus on writing a book instead of doing homework.)

All that said, it’s an interesting precipice to stand on– here, this edge of 2013, staring off into the uncharted lands of 2014.  2014 is an unwritten story, and those always make me nervous– and excited.

Dear Diary (December 2013)

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december ddAfter a wild and exciting November, my December has been relatively quiet: coffee dates with friends, a meeting with my writing group, recruiting hard as we head into the spring semester.

And every so often I think to myself, I have a book deal, and get excited all over again.  The thrill has not worn off.  I still marvel that my collection of years of hard work has resulted in a writing contract.  When your dreams start coming true, you don’t get over it in a day!

Speaking of, I’ve been working hard on a draft of my next novel (working title is Answers); would you be interested in reading an excerpt?  (A really bad first draft excerpt?)

My friend Elyse and I just rolled out our new project a few days ago: the Even a Traitor May Mend blog, which Narnia-lovers can check out here.

I saw The Book Thief movie!  I hereby declare it a lovely adaptation.  (The Book Thief is one of my very favorite books period, and I went into the movie assuming there would be changes.  There were, but they felt very consistent with the feel of the book, and I loved spending time with Liesel, Rudy, Max, Hans, and Rosa again.  I did miss Tommy though.)

barristerI spent Christmas with my family (just a couple days– this hermitty writer likes her alone time!).  My family is just so amazing and lovely and laidback; we had a ball together, opening presents, watching Home Alone and Home Alone 2, caroling at our friends’ house, picking on one another and just enjoying each others’ company.  And talk about a major haul: I came away with two antiques!  My amazing parents picked up an antique card catalog for me when they were in Missouri at Thanksgiving (wow!), and Mom also had my great aunt’s barrister bookcase restored for me.  I’m so spoiled.

Also, at the suggestion of Anne Lamott (and also at my own suggestion), I’ve been reading a lot of poetry lately and loving it.  I’m going to review several books all at once coming up soon.

So, that’s my quiet December!  Things will definitely pick up in the new year as I dive headfirst into Truest revisions!

Some changes coming to Lights All Around

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Would you believe that I will have posted 424 blog posts in 2013?

I made a serious effort this past year to build my blog audience by posting daily, and I am so glad to say I did it!  I’ve connected with so many amazing people this year– obsessive-compulsives and the people who love them; people who love literature and writing and words; amazing people of faith; amazing people without faith; friends and family who care about what I’m up to.

I’m so blessed.

That said, 424 blog posts in a year is wild.  While I have love-love-loved 2013, it’s been a lot on my plate with writing a novel, querying agents, selling my manuscript, starting a literary journal, keeping up with friends, working a full-time job (in which I travel each fall and spring), doing advocacy work related to OCD, keeping in touch with blog readers via email and comments, staying on top of my reading list (#fail), staying healthy, and getting enough sleep.

This year, staying healthy and getting enough sleep were continually pushed to the bottom of the list.

I want to change that.

I’ll still work my full-time job, and I’ll be editing Truest and writing my next book, so those things can’t change, but the amount of blogging I do can.

Here’s what I’m thinking (at least for now):

Mondays: blog about something related to mental illness
Tuesdays & Thursdays: blog about writing, faith, my life, books I’m reading, the journey toward publication, etc.

And, of course, if random things come up that I want to share with you, I won’t hesitate to post those as well.  But I’ll aim for three posts a week and see if I go through blogging withdrawals. 🙂  (I’m not kidding– I might!  Being able to vent through my blog is very therapeutic for me!)

Thank you so much to everyone who took my survey.  I should have guessed that it would be all over the map: the OCs want more posts about OCD, the readers want more book reviews, the writers want more about the writing life.  Interestingly– and so humbling– people wanted more of me:

  • “Other things you’re working on”
  • “More of you … I’m most interested when you’re talking about your life.”
  • “Honesty about your life”
  • “Your personal experiences are always enlightening.”
  • “I feel like since this is your site about you and what you value, just keep at it. In other words ‘Jackie’ is an interesting person and I like learning about Jackie.”
  • “Really thrilled to be let into your journey”
  • “Really love hearing about your personal journey with OCD”
  • “Just you and your selfless honesty”

Wow, guys.  Thanks!

So, here’s to 2014!  May it be a year full of healing and creativity for all of us.