Soon, I will be thirty-two years old. Wowza. How in the world did that happen? I mean, theoretically I understand that every twenty-four hours the earth does a pirouette around the sun and eventually that adds up to a long dance.
Usually every time January 17th rolls around I re-evaluate the year that just flew by, and I usually feel pretty bummed about all that I haven’t accomplished. This year, I’m trying to celebrate all the joyous events that came about in 2013: it was another year of OCD being under my heel, I got my first book deal, I won the Katherine Paterson Prize, I started blogging for the OCD Foundation. That’s exciting stuff!
Still single. Always single.
I know thirty-two is not that old, but please remember that I both went to and now work for a Christian college. Do you know what that means? “Ring by Spring” is the [only half-joking] tagline, and all these little virgins are running around dying to have sex. Again, I’m only half joking.
I’ve watched nearly all of my college friends get married. I am the only unmarried roommate (of eight) from my Moyer Hall days, the only unmarried roommate (of something like 12-14 [it was like a revolving door]) of my Lodge days. I have watched high school freshmen grow through their high school years, graduate, come to Northwestern, fall in love, and get married under my nose. I blink, and they who were once children are wearing white and saying vows.
It’s okay. Tonight it’s okay, at least.
It helps to have a book deal. It almost feels like an excuse. (This is the first Christmas in a long while I didn’t get asked if I had a boyfriend … we talked about the book deal instead. PRAISE GOD.) I know I don’t need to have an “excuse” for not being in a relationship … but sometimes it feels that way. Just being honest.
In the nearly eleven years since college, I have learned vicariously through my friends just how difficult marriage is. (Like, really, really hard.) I’ve watched friends go through difficulties, separations, divorces that shatter my heart. I am glad I didn’t marry young. Not that it is wrong to marry young, but I’m such a very, very different person now than I was in college. And I’m more emotionally stable, slower to anger, quicker to administer grace.
Anyway, to summarize this, I wish I was in love. Heck, I’d settle for just having a crush on someone who wasn’t a fictional character. But I’m also okay (tonight, at least) and not wasting my singleness.