I Confess

confessI don’t want to admit this to you.  I really don’t.

But I’ve made such efforts to be honest with my blogging community, and the wonderful, encouraging reception I’ve always gotten from you, my beloved readers, has continually encouraged me to continue with that honesty and integrity.

So today I’m going to tell you something that might make you made at me.  Here it is:

Sometimes I get really frustrated with people with OCD. 

Five years of freedom and already I am so quick to frustration.  Shame on me, right?  Then again, the last five years of my life (post-ERP) have been so absolutely incredible that they make me even more frustrated with those who avoid treatment.

The truth of the matter is this: exposure and response prevention is the best and most appropriate treatment for OCD.  Quite simply, if you’re looking for a “solution” to your OCD, then I have it for you: ERP.  I hear from a lot of people who seem to want a different answer, and yet my bottom line remains the same: ERP, ERP, ERP.

I know it’s scary.  (Trust me, I know it’s scary!)  But it’s the right answer, and I’m not going to send you on a wild goose chase when I know the right answer.  That would be like me telling you to go get chemotherapy for your gunshot wound or that you need insulin for your broken arm.  It’s obvious that those aren’t the correct treatment for the issue, and I won’t do that to you.

Research shows that ERP is the best treatment for OCD.  My life shows that a person with obsessive-compulsive disorder can redeem the years he or she lost to being enslaved by OCD.  No matter how many times you ask me, I’m going to give the same answer.

There.  Got it off my chest.  Don’t worry, folks; I’m still here for ya!  I aim to be a voice advocating for our quiet and oppressed community.  But just how I refuse to aid someone in compulsions, I will also refuse to send you down the wrong corridor for help.  I’m doing this with the best interest of our community in mind, I promise.

My heart and energies and motivations rest in leading those in slavery toward freedom.  Know that.

Obsessive-Compulsives are Creative. OCD Itself? Not So Much.

All The SameObsessive-compulsives tend to be creative, bright, highly intelligent, passionate people– and I love that about us!

Our disorder, on the other hand, is sorely lacking in creativity.

See, the thing is, when obsessive-compulsives isolate themselves, OCD appears to be this extremely creative disorder.  We imagine that NO ONE ELSE could think the things we think or use “logic” the way we do or entertain such dark and ugly thoughts.

But when obsessive-compulsives are in community with one another, we realize that OCD really has a limited bag of tricks.  Sure, obsessions can wear different costumes, but at the core, they often look very similar from person to person.

I recently spent time with another Pure-O, and we were able to list off our various obsessions with each other, and check, check, check, we had so much in common.  And both of us grew up thinking that we were monsters, that no one else would ever think about or struggle with the things that we did.  Yet our stories were nearly identical!

When I read a book about OCD, those “wild and outrageous” things I once obsessed over end up being the textbook examples.

I am convinced that the more we with OCD communicate amongst ourselves, the more we will realize that while we are creative, OCD quite frankly is not.

When Thinking Hurts

wanttostopthinkig

I remember days when my brain worked like a manic assembly line, working, working, always working– and not in a good way.  Those days, I’d carve out time reserved for obsessions, for list-making, for mental reassurances.  Car rides were killer– especially those long stretches on boring I-90– and could throw me into panic mode.  At night, I’d lie awake in bed, drowning in circular thought.

And that was the thing: my mind was racing, but it never got anywhere.  Ten minutes or an hour or a week later, I’d still be chewing on the same things, exerting so much effort for no gain.

I was programmed.  When there was a moment, a pause, a hesitation, my head would fly to a dark place.  And then it would battle its way back out.  Over and over and over (and over and over and over and over and over …).  So useless, so fruitless, and so much energy spent, so much time wasted.

The by-products of OCD are not worth the efforts.

These days, my mind is still working hard– but in a good, healthy, productive way.  I listen to audiobooks while I get ready in the morning, in my car, while I exercise, as I fall asleep.  I let the wonder of literature engage my mind and thoughts, and it feels healthy, like solving a difficult puzzle or marveling at philosophy.  I write every day– blogging, poetry, my novel– and it’s like climbing a mountain.  My brain is a muscle, flexing and growing stronger.  My conversations with friends are deep and meaningful and far more important than just seeking out temporary comfort.  

When thinking hurts in a bad way, you need to re-wire your brain.