OCD Awareness Week 2014

Posted on October 13, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

It’s OCD Awareness Week! Yahooooo!!!

Last night, here in the MN metro, we kicked off OCD Awareness Week with Jeff Bell, spokesperson for the International OCD Foundation, sharing his personal story. It. was. AWESOME.

I knew it would be.

I met Jeff Bell two years ago when the IOCDF flew me out to Boston to read an excerpt of the novel I was writing before Truest (it was called Lights All Around, and I’ll let you read it if you’ll promise to remember that I’ve grown as a writer since then!). Jeff interviewed me– both one-on-one at Starbucks before the event, and then again on-stage in front of the crowd after I’d read my excerpt. Jeff is brilliant, charming, a tireless advocate for the OCD community, and all-around fantastic guy. When Alison, president of OCD Twin Cities, and I started throwing around names of guest speakers we might invite, he was at the top of our list– and he agreed to come!

I’m writing this immediately after the event, and I’m so tired, but I also know this post is going to go live in less than two hours, so let me just briefly share the things that Jeff spoke about that hit me the hardest.

* There are no shortcuts. This is so, so true. In order to achieve health and freedom from under the tyranny of OCD, you have to go through the hard, HARD work of treatment. Jeff didn’t mince words, just like I try not to here on the blog: ERP IS HARD. It is the second hardest thing I’ve ever had to do– but, you see, the first hardest thing was live with untreated OCD.

* His cold pool analogy. When you jump into a cold pool, it’s shocking to your system. But if you stay in the pool, the temperature goes up … WAIT. No, it doesn’t! What happens is that you GET USED TO IT. This is ERP therapy, and it works.

* “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink … but you can salt his oats.” I can’t force people to get proper treatment for OCD, but I can try to make them thirsty for it. I really need to think on this one and see what ideas come to mind!

And lastly,

* The ah-ha! moment. I almost started crying when Jeff told about the moment he opened a book about OCD and found an example so true to his life on the very first page. (He even thought, “I don’t remember writing a book!” Ha!) That moment– when you finally know what’s wrong and, better yet, when you learn there is treatment— it’s so beautiful. I can hardly describe it. It’s the moment when you realize I am not alone and this has a name and I am not a freak– I am just SICK.

I want to help more people get to that point– and, even better, to the point of recovery/remission through ERP therapy.

Over at the OCD Twin Cities Facebook site, we’ll be giving away signed copies of Jeff’s books this week for various contest winners. Come check us out!

I think I might also be hosting an online chat about religious scrupulosity. I will keep you posted on that. In the meantime, I’m going to try to be active on my personal Facebook page this week to help break down stigma and misconceptions about OCD. Not sure what that is going to look like, but I’m ready.

What are you doing for OCD Awareness Week?

Self-Directed ERP Therapy

Posted on October 5, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

If you’ve spent any time hanging around this blog, you know that I’m a huge proponent of treating OCD with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy, which is the best treatment available. It’s the first and only* treatment I recommend.

People often balk at it, which I understand: it’s difficult. Very difficult. People want an easier option. But I wouldn’t recommend a bandaid for a cancerous tumor, and I won’t suggest anything else.

But I’m too embarrassed …

But I can’t afford it …

But there are no ERP specialists in my area …

Those are all very valid reasons for seeking another treatment option, but the GOOD NEWS is that you can do ERP on your own, if you are committed to it, and if you’re willing to work hard.

It’s still important to have an expert guiding you, so please track down one of the following books:

Stop Obsessing by Edna Foa
Amazon | B&N | Fishpond
Freedom from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Jonathan Grayson
Amazon | B&N | Fishpond
The OCD Workbook by Bruce Hyman and Cherlene Pedrick
Amazon | B&N | Fishpond
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders: A Complete Guide to Getting Well and Staying Well by Fred Penzel
Amazon | B&N | Fishpond

With the help of one of these books, you can be starting your own ERP journey for under $50 (most under $20!).

Read the whole book from cover to cover and do all the exercises. Throw yourself wholeheartedly into pursuing wellness, freedom, and peace. You can have your life back. Believe me. I languished in the hell of OCD for 20 years before just 12 weeks of ERP therapy broke that torturous yoke. This can be your story too.

If you’re not convinced, go to jackieleasommers.com/OCD and read my posts about ERP. Then drop me a comment or an email with your questions!

* I think medication can definitely help too– but ERP is a better option than meds, and in my (non-MD) opinion, meds should come alongside ERP, not ever replace it.

OCD Intervention

Posted on September 21, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

Someone asked me, “How do you talk to someone about OCD if you think they may be dealing with it?”

That’s a great question. A tricky one too.

I’m not even sure I know the answer besides carefully, gently, and with compassion.

I thought I’d pose it to you, my blog readers: does anyone have any advice for how to stage an OCD intervention?

Lots of posts about OCD and ERP at jackieleasomers.com/OCD.

Image credit: emdot

The [Beautiful] Paradox of ERP

Posted on September 14, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

Exposure and response prevention therapy. ERP.

The hardest thing I have ever chosen to do in my life.

And one of the best.

But that’s not actually the paradox I’m talking about. The paradox of ERP that fascinates me most centers around uncertainty.

The whole point of ERP therapy is to teach someone to learn to live with, accept, even embrace uncertainty. ERP actually re-wires the brain to help the OCD sufferer with this. Before I went through ERP, I wanted to know everything with 100% certainty. Anything less would cause intense havoc in my mind, heart, and body. Because of this intense desire to know everything with certainty, I so often felt gobsmacked by uncertainty. I lived as if, without total certainty, I could barely know anything. Doubt pummeled me like a linebacker. My life was ravaged by uncertainty.

But once I went through ERP therapy and learned to accept uncertainty, the bizarre thing is that my confidence returned. I suddenly felt surety and certainty again– after I realized I didn’t need it.

When I demanded 100% certainty, what I ended up with was often something in the 25-40% range. Or lower.

When I abandoned the need for 100% certainty, I ended up in the 90-99% range. Sometimes less, but usually way, way up there.

That’s weird math. Backward logic. A paradox.

One I love.

99% sure,
Post-ERP Jackie

P.S. If the need to know for sure is ruining your life, you need ERP. Read more about it at jackieleasommers.com/OCD.

P.P.S. I’m a follower of Jesus Christ, and I can’t help but be struck by the similarity of this to “Lose your life to gain it.”

Image credit: Nicu Buculei, modified by me

Is Mental Illness a Spiritual Issue?

Posted on September 7, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

The question is complicated; my answer is too.

Yes and no.

As a Christian, I believe that basically everything is a spiritual issue because I believe in a sovereign God. My particular set of beliefs means that I believe that writing is a spiritual practice for me, that the food I eat represents my spiritual discipline, that my obsessive-compulsive disorder has a spiritual purpose (one that was hidden to me for many, many years) of refining me, showing me the beauty of freedom and the glory of grace. Because I am a spiritual person, all things are spiritual to me. There is no way that I can separate my OCD from my experience of Christ because it is so clearly evident to me the way that God has worked in my life through my mental illness, recovery from it, and subsequent advocacy. I would be a liar if I tried to tried to divorce these two items in my own head and heart and speech.

But I also believe that mental illness is an illness like any other. Just as I wouldn’t hyper-spiritualize someone’s fight with cancer or diabetes or even a common cold, so I wouldn’t approach mental illness as anything other than a medical illness. I wouldn’t assume that someone got pneumonia as a direct result of their sin … or that they were spiritually unfit … or that something demonic was going on. I feel the same way about OCD and other anxiety disorders. I feel no shame– spiritual or otherwise– over my OCD, just as I wouldn’t feel ashamed if I were to break a bone. (Granted, it’s taken me a long time to get to this point; a heaping side of shame comes quite standard with your plate of religious scrupulosity!)

So, do I pray about OCD? Yes, of course. But I pray about my headaches too.

I realize that this is a touchy subject for many people, and I hope that I’ve presented my thoughts in a balanced way. Because I believe that so many people would misinterpret my “yes,” I usually bellow out a resounding “no,” but in this post, I wanted to try to delineate my thoughts on each. I’d love to hear your thoughts and continue this conversation, and I hope that you’ll extend grace to me as I try to tiptoe through this minefield!

Image credit: Unsplash, modified by me

OCD: Am I Bitter?

Posted on August 24, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

Let me tell you, I have drunk my fill of bitterness over OCD.

When you’re twenty years old and have a tortured soul, an imprisoned life, a mind that won’t stop, and a heart that’s broken– and when you doubt that any of it is redeemable– bitterness feels like the only weapon in your arsenal.

But when you’re thirty-two, and you’ve been shown grace and favor and freedom and healing, when you’ve experienced rest, when you know that pain had a purpose, there’s just nothing in your rescued life that wants to hold onto that knife.

And so you open your hand.

At least, I did.

Image credit: Christian/Mr.C90

OCD & Fiction

Posted on August 10, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

Will I ever write a book about OCD?

I have … and I think I will again. Someday.

I spent four years working on a novel about a young woman with OCD. The story picked up after she’d already been diagnosed but before she’d found the right treatment. It was the first novel I ever wrote, and it’s quite obvious that I was figuring out how to write fiction as I went. (Interestingly, I was figuring out OCD treatment as I went too … I started the book before I went through ERP and finished the story after ERP was over. Needless to say, it dramatically changed the story.) I’ve set that story aside for now, though I have been known to send it to people in the OCD community who ask nicely. 🙂

I’ve wondered if there will come a time where I will want to go back to that first novel and revise it for publication. Maybe. Not yet.

Meanwhile, two characters have been stirring to life in my mind: an adventurous young woman named Rowen, and her best friend Jess, a young man who is a mathematics prodigy … and who has OCD. It will be a while till I will get to write their story, but that’s okay, I think.

For now, they are just waking up inside of me, yawning, stretching out like satisfied kittens, blithely unaware of what tortures lie ahead.

#MEANAUTHOR

(But to have a book at all requires conflict. The poor, sweet lambs! I have been known to cry over the situations I get my characters into.)

Meanwhile, Truest. My final edits are due SOON. (Note: final developmental edits … there will still be copyediting ahead.)

Image credit: Anselm23

OCD Scrupulosity: Is ERP Sinful?

Posted on August 3, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

Sometimes people with religious scrupulosity fear that ERP therapy itself is sinful. It’s true that ERP therapy will definitely ask you to do things outside of your comfort zone, things that will probably make you sick. (This is how ERP works, and it is crafted specifically around your own deepest anxieties.)

But once embarked on this ERP journey, I think it’s unwise and counterproductive to try to convince yourself (or convince others … or let others convince you …) that your therapy is not sinful. (After all, the whole point of this therapy is to embrace the uncertainty!)

If you are a Christian and concerned about ERP therapy, I suggest you say a prayer like this then dive in headfirst:

Lord, I am terrified about what I am being asked to do through this therapy, and I worry that it might be sinful. But there is at least some part of me that believes this is connected to OCD, so please cover over all I have to do with your grace. I am doing these things in the hopes of restoring my right and healthy relationship with you. Please be honored by my therapy and my choice to fight for my freedom (which you won on the cross) and my relationship with you (again, made possible by the cross). Be glorified in my therapy, and cover anything sinful with your incredible grace. Make me strong enough to complete my exposures. Provide the strength I need to press through this scary therapy, and let these hard exposures and choices (that may sometimes seem wrong to me) glorify you. Amen.

There were definitely times when I (and others– wow, that was hard!) wondered if I was doing something wrong with my ERP exposures, but in my heart of hearts, I knew that this was my last and best chance at freedom and health and hope. I held onto that and pressed through, and I will tell you this: every. single. thing. in my life is better post-ERP, in particular, my spiritual life is now thriving and health

y. I am growing in my faith. I have the joy of salvation. I trust Christ more.

And I believe that ERP was God’s tool to bring me into this way of life.

To learn more about OCD, ERP therapy, religious scrupulosity, go to jackieleasommers.com/OCD.

Image credit: Fernando Rodriguez

Co-Morbidity

Posted on July 27, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

Do you know the term?

Co-morbidity is the presence of one or more other disorders co-occuring along with the primary one. For those of us with OCD, our OCD is often co-morbid with depression. The depression seems to usually be a result of the OCD (as opposed to the other way around).

On their website, the Stanford School of Medicine writes:

Patients with OCD are at high risk of having comorbid (co-existing) major depression and other anxiety disorders. In a series of 100 OCD patients who were evaluated by means of a structured psychiatric interview, the most common concurrent disorders were: major depression (31%), social phobia (11%), eating disorder (8%), simple phobia (7%), panic disorder (6%), and Tourette’s syndrome (5%).

They also say:

In Koran et al.’s 1998 Kaiser Health Plan study, 26% of patients had no comorbid psychiatric condition diagnosed during the one year study period — 37% had one and 38% had two or more comorbid conditions. These proportions did not differ substantially between men and women. The most commonly diagnosed comorbid conditions were major depression, which affected more than one-half, other anxiety disorders, affecting one-quarter, and personality disorders, diagnosed in a little more than 10%.

OCD is enough of a beast on its own, but the truth of the matter is that many who struggle with OCD are fighting other demons too.

In my experience, OCD and depression teamed up against me, though, as I wrote before, the depression was secondary to the OCD (in that it was caused by the OCD). Some days I would be full of intense, manic fear caused by OCD, and other days all my sharp edges would be dulled by depression and a feeling that nothing in the world sounded exciting or worthwhile.

I’m so grateful that when ERP helped me steal power away from OCD, the upshot was that depression was defeated too.

For (lots!) more about OCD and ERP, go to jackieleasommers.com/OCD.

Image credit: Gerald Gabernig

Not a Therapist, Just a Resource

Posted on July 20, 2014 by Jackie Lea Sommers

It’s true: I know a fair amount about OCD. I experienced it for 20 years, I successfully went through ERP therapy, I wrote an (unpublished) novel about a character who struggled from it, I am part of the leadership team for OCD Twin Cities, and I blog about it regularly.

But I’m not a therapist.

I’m only a resource. I can tell others what I know, what I’ve experienced, what to look for in an ERP therapist, what books might be helpful, etc. But I cannot walk them, hand-in-hand, through exposure therapy. I have to remind others AND MYSELF of this. Often.

To those of you who blog about OCD and ERP, do you have this same problem? How do you handle it?