Journeying
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Author Archives: Jackie Lea Sommers
Mojo
Last Sunday through Wednesday, I took my usual spring pilgrimage to Duluth, a time to read, write, rest, and think. Some years feel ultra productive; some years I spin my wheels a bit.
This year felt huge.
Most importantly, I was able to tackle two issues with Salt Novel that I haven’t had the time, energy, or creativity to solve since January 2018. I’m ready now. I have my solutions. The knot is to the stage where its untying is inevitable.
I also worked on my novel in bite-sized pieces. I’m reminded that showing up is 85% of my battle. If I show up and work on a one-square-inch part of the story, and do it enough times, it gets done.
This trip to Duluth also gave me some of my mojo back. Self doubt is such a poison. It’s the biggest barrier to my creative projects. That and comparison. Double-edged sword.
So I’m in a good place. I wanted you to know.
Big Goals for May
Updated Contact Page
If you click my “Contact” page under the “About” tab, there’s updated contact info.
For anything related to books, writing, or creativity, email jackieleawrites@gmail.com. I do my best to reply to every one of these.
For resources on OCD, email jackieleaocd@gmail.com using subject line OCD or HOCD. I’m not able to reply to individual emails about OCD, but you will get a response full of encouragement and resources.
Follow me on Instagram at @jackieleasommers.
Twitter is a toxic environment for me, so I am rarely active there.
Hormones & Lies
Gosh, there are just so many things that can lead us astray. We expect “enemies” to do so, but it’s confusing when our “allies” do.
Mind (brain disorders)
Body (trauma)
Hormones (“chemical lies”)
Heart (deceitful)
Even some incredible therapy techniques rely on processing lies until they feel ridiculous. I think they still ultimately are based upon “the truth will set you free.” They just approach it slant-wise.
Why does that sound familiar?
Oh yeah.
Anyway, I’m just in a week with lots of lies coming at me. At least I can recognize it! But lies don’t cut sharp; they make blunt.
How do you resharpen when you feel dull, friends?
Why GOOD Friday?
Growing up, I was always confused about why the Christian church called this day Good Friday– the day that Jesus Christ was put to death. I knew the story: the blood, the nails, death on a cross, the method used for criminals. I had learned about crucifixion in gory detail, and how the one crucified would struggle to breathe in such a position, how Christ would have needed to lift his body weight just to get a breath– his body weight pressing against the spikes nailed through his feet. I knew about the hours of darkness, the quaking earth and breaking rocks. About the curtain of the temple being torn in half, top to bottom.
My family would go to a Good Friday service, the front of the sanctuary bearing a cross adorned with a drape of purple fabric. Sometimes we would hold a railroad spike in our hands. We would always take communion: a small tab of bread to represent Christ’s broken body, a small sip of grape juice to represent his blood.
And I would wonder: why is this good?
I remember as a passionate, deep-thinking, sensitive child thinking, I wish I could have stopped this nightmare.
My God had been ridiculed, beaten, and killed. Why was this good?
……………………………………
Friday is good because of Sunday.
Because Friday was not God losing the battle– it was part of the battle plan all along. It was a well-conceived, strategic move before the checkmate.
Because, as I said above, the curtain of the temple was torn in two— this represents our direct access to God, where before we needed a priestly intercessor.
No matter what it looked like on Friday– the end of the world, I’m sure many of Christ’s followers thought, and certainly the end of hope— Sunday was just around the corner. Sunday, the resurrection, the culmination, the checkmate, the victory. It was all part of a master plan, one that we– nearly 2000 years later– can see in full, even if our brothers and sisters at the time could not. We can see the rescue waiting just around the corner. We can say, This is good.
……………………………………
Years ago, I attended a conference where I heard a sermon by Louie Giglio that I will never forget. It profoundly moved me and helped to shape my worldview. The bottom line of it is this: when the bottom drops out of life, we can still have hope — because of the cross.
From the foot of the cross, the cross appeared to be the worst thing– from the perspective of history, we Christians see it as the best.
And we can trust that God is at work even in the times that are hardest. This is why I have hope.
……………………………………
This is so core to my identity that I put it into my book in the form of a parable.
Silas tells West that he believes that God is in control, even over the bad things, and she asks him why.
“Writers know that the climax comes before the resolution.” He was quiet for a second, then said, “Not just in fiction, either, West, but in real life too. How many times has the worst thing turned out to be necessary? Or even the best? Rescue wears masks, you know. It’s why people say it’s darkest before the dawn. Sometimes things take a long time to make sense. Could be years and years—or only a weekend. Or they might never make sense. But that doesn’t mean you stop trusting that the world is being rescued.”
Or only a weekend.
Good Friday, everyone. I’m looking forward to Sunday.
37 Lessons
I needed to revisit this today. Maybe you need it (or even one of the 37?) too.
1. Humility and vulnerability are key to leadership.
2. On this green earth, I will always be a work in progress.
3. There are so many more shades of gray than I ever imagined.
4. Grace, grace, grace: be generous with it, both for myself and for others.
5. Love is messy.
6. Carefully choose which hills are worth dying on.
7. Quit pretending like you don’t have issues and start working through them.
8. Everyone has issues.
9. I am good company, on my own.
10. “‘No’ is a complete sentence.” (Anne Lamott)
11. Boundaries are amazing.
12. Get a great mattress.
13. Required reading: The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis.
14. Create a list of your guiding principles; refer to this often. I keep mine posted in my office and perpetually ask myself how I am exhibiting the four characters I’ve named most important in…
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Tricho Relief
Trichotillomania: compulsively pulling out one’s hair. Yeah.I’ve written about it on this blog before, briefly explaining my experience and also wondering if I would ever have victory over it. I’m in an online support group, and I just shared with them what has been working for me, and I thought I should also post it here on my website.
Friends, I want to share something that has finally made a difference for me!! When I take Cortisol Calm (one supplement in the AM, one in the PM), I. Have. Not. Been. Pulling.It feels like a miracle. I’ve been doing this a few months now and my pull sites are growing. I have one spot on the back of my head where I have had a sprig of hair that never gets longer than 1.5-2 inches, but now it is growing out. It is probably 6 inches and slowly beginning to “match” (cant think of a better word!) with the rest of my hair and blend in. Two other pull sites are also growing.I hesitated to share this at first because I really don’t want it to feel like an ad (it’s not) or like a promise (it’s not) or like medical advice (it’s not, although it was recommended to me by my doctor). But it is working wonders for me, and if it can help anyone else, I wanted to share.I’m just posting the link to the current lowest price online, but you can google it to make sure it’s still the current lowest. I hope this helps someone!
Current lowest price I see online
I’d also like to share my hair re-growth. This doesn’t embarrass me, but I am sensitive to the fact that, for many, trichotillomania affects a much larger surface area than mine does. I don’t want my post or videos to ignore or diminish that truth.
10 Thoughts I Had Today
I wish I could have this.
Unfortunately, I think it would look more like this.
Oh I miss New Girl.
Anyway, I feel like I have a thousand things to say.
- When I can tell a guy online is not a good fit for me, I try to make him believe I’m not a good fit for him. I kind of hate that I do this. Bro has no goals, no grammar, no grace, and I’ll be like, “I just don’t think I’m what you’re looking for.” As if.
- The flowchart for me is sleep well–>feel good–>be healthy–>lose weight. I’m in that space between feeling good and actually being healthy right now. Losing weight still feels far away, and in some ways, that’s okay. I told my therapist on Monday that I have to like myself at this weight because even if I lose weight, my worth cannot come from that. It doesn’t. So I am learning.
- A lot of days I feel like I’m juggling a 46 things and 43.5 of them are rolling around on the floor.
- I am a great advocate for myself. I am such an active participant in my own healing. My psychiatrist remarked on that this morning, and know what? He’s so right. I am in tune with where I’m at and what I need and where I want to be, and I can articulate those things. I had the bad sense to announce to my psychiatrist upon meeting him, “I have a pretty good handle on what I need,” but by the end of the intake he said, “I’ll admit that I get scared when someone starts a meeting by saying she knows what’s up, but … you really do know.” Yes, I really do.
- I haven’t always. And that’s okay too.
- I’ve been working on Salt Novel since fall 2013, and I think I finally named the island where it takes place. These things are delicate and nuanced.
- I burned my left hand with bacon grease on Monday night. Since then, bacon and I have made up and gotten engaged.
- You realize what a baby you are when you’re nursing your first-degree burn while on the phone with your dad who tells you about the time he accidentally had a gasoline fire on his own hand and how just last month your mom got immediate blisters on her fingertips from her own incident.
- It still hurt. So bad. Like, so bad. It made me feel, of all things, lonely.
- I really like my job lately. A lot. It’s been pretty stressful, honestly, and my doctor today asked if I liked it, almost as if he were hoping I would say, “You know what? I don’t!” and then would storm out to quit my job and start something much easier. I’m not gonna lie and say there haven’t been moments over the last sixteen years when I haven’t wanted to do that. But I don’t right now. I feel like I’m good at what I do, and I love being in proximity to young minds and hearts. They are so earnest.
I guess I only had ten things to say, not a thousand. But that’s just for tonight. I have 990+ ahead of me. Let me now if any of these struck a bell of any sort with you, and then please chime in yourself. It helps to know people are out there.XO Jackie
JACKIE LEA SOMMERS 