I wish I could have this.
Unfortunately, I think it would look more like this.
Oh I miss New Girl.
Anyway, I feel like I have a thousand things to say.
- When I can tell a guy online is not a good fit for me, I try to make him believe I’m not a good fit for him. I kind of hate that I do this. Bro has no goals, no grammar, no grace, and I’ll be like, “I just don’t think I’m what you’re looking for.” As if.
- The flowchart for me is sleep well–>feel good–>be healthy–>lose weight. I’m in that space between feeling good and actually being healthy right now. Losing weight still feels far away, and in some ways, that’s okay. I told my therapist on Monday that I have to like myself at this weight because even if I lose weight, my worth cannot come from that. It doesn’t. So I am learning.
- A lot of days I feel like I’m juggling a 46 things and 43.5 of them are rolling around on the floor.
- I am a great advocate for myself. I am such an active participant in my own healing. My psychiatrist remarked on that this morning, and know what? He’s so right. I am in tune with where I’m at and what I need and where I want to be, and I can articulate those things. I had the bad sense to announce to my psychiatrist upon meeting him, “I have a pretty good handle on what I need,” but by the end of the intake he said, “I’ll admit that I get scared when someone starts a meeting by saying she knows what’s up, but … you really do know.” Yes, I really do.
- I haven’t always. And that’s okay too.
- I’ve been working on Salt Novel since fall 2013, and I think I finally named the island where it takes place. These things are delicate and nuanced.
- I burned my left hand with bacon grease on Monday night. Since then, bacon and I have made up and gotten engaged.
- You realize what a baby you are when you’re nursing your first-degree burn while on the phone with your dad who tells you about the time he accidentally had a gasoline fire on his own hand and how just last month your mom got immediate blisters on her fingertips from her own incident.
- It still hurt. So bad. Like, so bad. It made me feel, of all things, lonely.
- I really like my job lately. A lot. It’s been pretty stressful, honestly, and my doctor today asked if I liked it, almost as if he were hoping I would say, “You know what? I don’t!” and then would storm out to quit my job and start something much easier. I’m not gonna lie and say there haven’t been moments over the last sixteen years when I haven’t wanted to do that. But I don’t right now. I feel like I’m good at what I do, and I love being in proximity to young minds and hearts. They are so earnest.
I guess I only had ten things to say, not a thousand. But that’s just for tonight. I have 990+ ahead of me. Let me now if any of these struck a bell of any sort with you, and then please chime in yourself. It helps to know people are out there.