When I was a child, I thought, “If I could just know that I loved God, I would be totally and completely happy.”

If only it were this easy. Or is it?

When I was in high school, I thought, “If I could just know that God was real, I would love life.”

When I was in college, I thought, “If I could just know I was going to heaven, I’d be the most joyful girl in existence.”

Then, “If only I could write a good book.”

“If only I could get an agent.”

“If only I could get a book deal.”

Yet, here I am, I love the God I know is real, the God who has saved me.  I’ve written a book that an agent and an editor love enough to publish.  And I think, “If only I could write another good book.”

I don’t want anxiety.  I want to be happy, to feel peace.  Is it human nature to always want the next thing, whatever it may be?  Don’t get me wrong.  I am happy, joyful even– but still not anxiety-free.