places I love (in books)
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YES YES YES, Yes to everything Claire says!!!
This is a video in response to the new series on Channel 4, Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners. This programme has misrepresented OCD, and stereotyped the disorder, something OCD sufferers, OCD-UK and other organisations have tried to overcome for many years.
The initial programme only featured one individual with OCD, but with constant references to OCD, and quotes such as ‘The OCD Team’, Channel 4 have seriously overlooked the effects of this programme.
OCD is not about enjoying cleaning. You do not WANT to clean because you like it, it’s something you feel you HAVE to do in some cases or something bad will happen or because you want to reduce anxiety.
I have included the tweets that were posted on Wednesday night, during and after the broadcast. Some horrified me, with references to wanting this disorder that can ruin lives. There are also tweets from sufferers OCD and others who stating…
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where OCD failed
Those who read my blog know that I mean business when I say that OCD is a brutal liar, the biggest thief I know. I hate it passionately. And I hate the way that media so often leans in the direction of portraying it as comical instead of devastating. It throws so much ugliness at us.
But every once in a while, its tricks fail.
The following is one of the OCD-induced thoughts I have … but this one never worked its evil on me. I even think it’s funny … because it’s an area where OCD attempted to ruin me and failed. It’s an intrusive thought … but it’s not an upsetting one. And the resulting compulsion has always been small and has never gotten out of control.
So, here it is. “The one that got away.”
I get these thoughts that letters and words have feelings. Yup.
Here’s an example.
Let’s say I was typing the word blogging, and instead I typed bloggging. Instead of deleting the ing and the extra g, I, at times, would take the extra time to remove only the extra g. You see, the ing didn’t do anything wrong to deserve being deleted and replaced with a new ing.
I also get the feeling that words that have been next to each other for a while have become friends.
So if that last sentence had been written a long time ago, and then I decided to edit it but to use some of the same words, I would not delete the old word and replace it with the same new word (you’d be surprised how often this kind of thing happens when you edit like a maniac). It just seems wrong to uproot neighbors like that.
It’s okay to laugh. It makes me smile! Even now, with years under my belt of being in charge of my OCD, I still have these thoughts. I don’t hesitate to replace a word with a different, better word (or I’d be in rough shape as a writer!), but I don’t want to replace words that are the same/equal without taking into account the words’ feelings.
But it’s very natural. I make the decisions quickly as I go, so I’m not wasting extra time, and it wouldn’t ruin my night if I hurt a word or letter’s feelings. I know they don’t actually have feelings. And I don’t get upset over anything connected to it.
It’s like this funny little leftover from OCD, and since it’s so weak and powerless, it kinda makes me grin.
OCD has a lot of terrible tricks. Are there any that OCD tried to play on you which actually failed?
I judge you based on the books you read. :-)
(This post is meant to be in fun, so no one is allowed to be offended, kapeesh?)
I think we all do something like this, to some extent. I have a dear friend who judges people based off of their favorite Beatles songs! My choice of “Here Comes the Sun” passed muster, but if you were to say, for example, “I Wanna Hold Your Hand,” her opinion of you would drop pretty fast. For some people, it’s the music you listen to; for others, the movies you enjoy.
But for me, it’s books.
If you read C.S. Lewis, I like you automatically, but if you haven’t read his space trilogy, I start to doubt just how big a fan you are. When I discover people who haven’t read Narnia, I jokingly ask them why they don’t love Jesus. (JOKINGLY! Calm down!)
If you read Melina Marchetta, I think you are brilliant and first-class. If you’ve discovered Jandy Nelson’s one novel, I’m impressed and can’t wait to discuss it with you. If you loved The Fault in Our Stars, I think you’re a deep-thinking intellectual. Same thing if you like Yann Martel’s books.
If you read paranormal romance, I will probably automatically think you’re not serious about good books. Probably. Not for sure. I rather liked The Mortal Instruments, but then again, I kind of judge MYSELF for liking them. Ha!
If you’ve read Sophie’s World, I’d be blown away. I’m not sure I’ve ever met anyone else who has.
If you refuse to read Harry Potter, I will probably joke that, Yeah, the rest of the world must have been wrong. But yet, I won’t let that argument work on me if you try to use it for another book.
If you’re a big fan of Christian romance, I’m going to raise an eyebrow. (You can convince me of your sound judgment if you tell me they are a guilty pleasure. I have one friend– you know who you are!– who avoids my judgment this way.)
I’m not impressed if you read Austen or the Brontes. I’m not saying these are bad books at all, just that I don’t care for them much (excepting Wuthering Heights).
A friend of Billy Collins is a friend of mine. Same goes for Anne Lamott.
I respect LOTR fans though I myself am not interested.
If “cancer books” are your thing (you know, those books where kids fall in love and one of them dies, and every story is almost identical), we should talk. I can kindly redirect you.
Now, tell me yours! Do you produce snap judgments, and if so, based on what? Give me some details!
Hogwarts house fashion
I don’t know why I’m intrigued by this … but I am. I know there are other Potter nerds who read my blog. I hope you’ll enjoy!
Also, check out these sites (Ravenclaw’s is the best!):
I know, I know. I’m a nerd. 🙂 I love being a nerd.
Defining “adventurous.”
Some say
climb a mountain, jump from a plane,
race a motorcycle, travel the world.
I say
read a book.
Or better yet,
write one.
a bunch of v-day-related ranting
Oh, February 14th. Seems like just last year I was thinking, Ahhh, but I won’t be alone next Valentines Day.
Ooops. Wrong again!
Sometimes I can sound a little bitter about being single, but I actually don’t always hate it. I can be super selfish with my time, go to Barnes & Noble whenever I want, buy whatever I want. I can drop everything and go to California for a weekend. I don’t have to cook for anyone. More time for ministry over the years. And, though this might sound strange, years of watching friends marry and be married has taught me a ton about what I want in a husband, in a marriage, even in a wedding ceremony.
But good old V-Day. It’s never very fun to be single on Valentines Day.
I have nothing against Valentines Day. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with choosing a day to make a big deal out of love. I don’t really care about the commercialism even. I think, if you’re blessed enough to have someone you love, you should celebrate your relationship every day. But why not make a big fuss over it one day a year? Sometimes it seems like the couples who don’t celebrate V-Day are trying to make a statement I don’t exactly understand.
I was talking to a friend the other day about how I’m glad I didn’t marry young. It’s true, even though at the time, it was all that I wanted. I think students at Christian colleges get married way too young; the culture expects and demands it. It’s not their fault. They feel ready, and hey, maybe some are. But I know I am so much wiser now, healthier now, Jackie-er now than I was ten years ago. I have been forced to learn and do things that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise. I know every facet of my identity in a much clearer way– heck, when I was in college, I was only starting to tiptoe into those waters!
I’m not saying college students shouldn’t get married or that it’s bad to marry young. Well, maybe I am, a little. Let’s be honest, there’s no formula to these things. (Although I will say that almost every failed marriage I’ve seen has come from couples who married pretty young.)
Meh, I’m going to get myself in trouble on my blog. On Valentines Day. Listen, don’t yell at me too much. Remember that I am all alone and show me grace.
I still love love.
Also,
Ahhh, but I won’t be alone next Valentines Day …
😉
some writing i like
Sometimes the audiobooks are better.
Just as there are people who argue the book is always better than the movie, I’m sure there are people who would argue that a paper copy of a book that you can hold in your hands is better than reading on a Kindle or a Nook or listening to an audiobook.
I personally think that it’s awesome that people are reading, no matter which way they “take” their stories. Audiobooks have been a huge blessing in my life; they entertain me on long car rides, distract me from my OCD, help me fall asleep at night, and make mundane things (like driving, cleaning, etc.) worthwhile because I’m engaging my mind.
There are even a few books where I prefer the audio version over all others. Here they are:
1. Saving Francesca and Jellicoe Road, both by Melina Marchetta, both read by Rebecca Macauley. Let’s be honest: reading about Aussie schools in an Aussie accent is incredible.
2. The Piper’s Son by Melina Marchetta, read by Michael Finney. Again, the Aussie accent. This time a male Aussie accent. (You have to understand that I listen to certain parts of this one over and over again, becoming more and more and more certain that it wouldn’t be quite right for me to marry any man who wasn’t Australian.)
3. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess, read by anyone. I found it really hard to read the paper version because Burgess writes in “Nadsat,” an Anglo-Russian slang he made up for the “droogs” in this book. I kept tripping over the words and eventually gave up. But I later revisited it on audio, and by the end felt practically fluent as a malenky horrorshow devotchka who wants to peet moloko. (This alone makes me believe the Rosetta Stone curriculum works!)
4. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, read by Alan Corduner. Great voice, awesome German accent! Makes Liesel, Rudy, Max, and the Hubermans come alive as real people living in Nazi Germany.
5. The Last Unicorn written AND read by Peter Beagle. I love hearing the tone and rhythm that were originally intended. Plus, Beagle actually sings the songs! And you get guitar interludes in between chapters. Brilliant.
6. Absolutely everything by David Sedaris. I about DIE laughing when I listen to him read his stories in his own voice! Definitely better and funnier in his voice than on paper!
[Edited 9/30/13:
7. The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater. Absolutely breaktaking.]
I also have to throw out major props to Jim Dale, who read the whole Harry Potter series and The Night Circus. That man is unreal. I don’t know how he can keep track of so many voices/characters!
How about you? Do you listen to audiobooks? Any audiobooks you prefer over the paper version?
OCD torture
Through my website, I can see what search terms are bringing people to my blog, and this week, the number one search term was “OCD torture.” It breaks my heart. But I can completely understand and relate.
For those who are in the throes of such torture:
Welcome to my blog. I know what you’re going through– I was there myself, only about 5 years ago. And the torture was long-lasting for me– nearly 15 years of it. It’s crazy how we can even bear up, isn’t it? Sometimes I am amazed that I survived, was able to get through school, was able to keep my job. Every single day, I hurt so bad. Every single day, I had this feeling that something was wrong, something was off. I felt frantic. The weight of the world was on my shoulders, even from when I was young. Personally, my OCD attacked my Christian faith and made me doubt my salvation, and that doubt is like pure agony to one who loves Christ. So many evenings I spent weeping, almost keening, because I couldn’t handle the thoughts and doubts that were inhabiting my brain, burrowing into it as if they’d stay forever.
My OCD attacked whatever was most important to me. It made me think people were secretly against me, it made me think I shouldn’t tell my problems to my best friend, it made me think it was sinful to write (one of my life’s greatest loves), it made me think I was gay when I clearly was not, it made me think I was a sex offender, it made me think it was wrong to meet new people or to talk to anyone I didn’t know (not helpful when your job is recruiting!). It made me feel guilty if I brought home a STAPLE from work. It made me feel guilty and sinful all the time. And TERRIFIED too. It wasn’t always just a dull agony. Quite often it ramped into a shrill, turbulent nightmare. Overwhelming, engulfing terror would swallow me whole. And then sometimes, to hide itself, it would make me even doubt that I had OCD (tricky bastard!!).
Notice I say it made me feel this way. OCD, my disorder, made me feel this way. The guilt and terror were not from God. The thoughts and doubts weren’t my own. They were given to me, like the ugliest of gifts, from my disorder.
I remember reading blog post about the unpardonable sin, thinking that is me. I am in those shoes, and I will never be out of them. Guess what? I have been delivered from that ugly hold OCD had on me. I still have it. But I’m the boss; it’s not.
How? Cognitive-behavioral therapy, specifically exposure and response prevention therapy, which I’ve explained on my blog here. Now, after twelve weeks of CBT, I have been in control of my OCD for the last four years. It’s like another life. When I feel guilty now, it’s because I’ve done something wrong. When I doubt something, I don’t freak out– I seek out advice from family, friends, and the Holy Spirit. I know my soul belongs to God. I can look at OCD’s silly suggestions and see that they are ridiculous. I don’t have to entertain them. I can toss them aside like I never could before.
And my OCD knows it’s not in control anymore. To be honest, it doesn’t even fight me as much now that it knows it loses every single time. It knows I have the tools to toss it out the window, so it keeps pretty quiet around me.
Meanwhile, it is torturing you. I hate that. I want you to be free like I am. It is going to be a rough road, but there is help. Find a cognitive-behavioral therapist, buckle in, and do whatever you have to do to complete your therapy. And when you want to quit, you can post a comment on this blog, and I will be your cheerleader. Skip the traditional talk therapy. You need someone who knows how to do ERP.
Start today. It’s time for freedom.
Note for those without health insurance: If you can’t afford to see a cognitive-behavioral therapist, and if you’re ready to take back your life, you can try a self-guided CBT experience with an iPhone app like the one at http://www.liveOCDfree.com or by using a book like “Stop Obsessing!” by Edna Foa or “Freedom from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: A Personalized Recovery Program for Living with Uncertainty” by Dr. Jonathan Grayson.
JACKIE LEA SOMMERS 