Those who read my blog know that I mean business when I say that OCD is a brutal liar, the biggest thief I know. I hate it passionately. And I hate the way that media so often leans in the direction of portraying it as comical instead of devastating. It throws so much ugliness at us.
But every once in a while, its tricks fail.
The following is one of the OCD-induced thoughts I have … but this one never worked its evil on me. I even think it’s funny … because it’s an area where OCD attempted to ruin me and failed. It’s an intrusive thought … but it’s not an upsetting one. And the resulting compulsion has always been small and has never gotten out of control.
So, here it is. “The one that got away.”
I get these thoughts that letters and words have feelings. Yup.
Here’s an example.
Let’s say I was typing the word blogging, and instead I typed bloggging. Instead of deleting the ing and the extra g, I, at times, would take the extra time to remove only the extra g. You see, the ing didn’t do anything wrong to deserve being deleted and replaced with a new ing.
I also get the feeling that words that have been next to each other for a while have become friends.
So if that last sentence had been written a long time ago, and then I decided to edit it but to use some of the same words, I would not delete the old word and replace it with the same new word (you’d be surprised how often this kind of thing happens when you edit like a maniac). It just seems wrong to uproot neighbors like that.
It’s okay to laugh. It makes me smile! Even now, with years under my belt of being in charge of my OCD, I still have these thoughts. I don’t hesitate to replace a word with a different, better word (or I’d be in rough shape as a writer!), but I don’t want to replace words that are the same/equal without taking into account the words’ feelings.
But it’s very natural. I make the decisions quickly as I go, so I’m not wasting extra time, and it wouldn’t ruin my night if I hurt a word or letter’s feelings. I know they don’t actually have feelings. And I don’t get upset over anything connected to it.
It’s like this funny little leftover from OCD, and since it’s so weak and powerless, it kinda makes me grin.
OCD has a lot of terrible tricks. Are there any that OCD tried to play on you which actually failed?