OCD & Truest

Cup of coffee and book pages- black and whiteTruest is deeply influenced by my experiences with OCD, especially the detachment and paranoia that first spurred me on to get a diagnosis. While Truest isn’t a book about OCD, there are strong themes about uncertainty and the nature of reality.

“Is it always this way?” I asked.

“What way?” Gordon asked back.

“Does life always have more questions than answers?”

“Oh, yes,” he said. “At least that’s my experience. And actually, the older I get, the more questions I have.”

“It seems so backward,” I said.

Gordon laughed a little and then said, “Does it really surprise you, Westie? Faith and uncertainty are accomplices.”

Truest is full of lessons I’ve learned from a life lived with OCD, in bondage and in freedom. I’m getting ridiculously eager to share it with you.

Click here to learn more!

Recent Reads

rrThis is the Story of a Happy Marriage by Ann Patchett
When I heard David Sedaris speak last fall, he strongly endorsed this collection of Ann Patchett’s essays, and basically, if David Sedaris tells me it’s good, I’m gonna go buy it. I’m so glad I did. The essay topics range from divorce and marriage to death, dogs, and writing. I cried multiple times while listening to the audio version (read by Patchett herself). Writers, even if you don’t read the entire book, I highly recommend that you at least read her essay entitled “The Getaway Car: A Practical Memoir about Writing and Life.” It’s about 40 pages long and so, so good.

rr2Open Road Summer by Emery Lord
This debut novel was showing up on everyone’s end-of-the-year best-of-2014 lists, and I had it on my TBR shelf, so I happily plucked it from its resting place and gave it a read. It’s the story of bad-girl-on-the-mend Reagan, who goes on tour with her country music star best friend Dee and falls for Matt, the boy who is opening for Dee. I found a couple things hard (personally) as I read: since they’re on a giant cross-country music tour, the setting changes faster than I can keep up! Also, I was a little unclear on what drew Matt and Reagan to one another. That said, this is a lot of people’s favorite book of 2014, so if a country music tour and summer love with a hottie guitarist is up your alley, you’re gonna love this one!

rr3

Adverbs by Daniel Handler
One of those books where you go, “WHAT did I just READ?” But I loved it. Daniel Handler (AKA Lemony Snicket) is hilarious in this book. He takes tropes and ridiculous analogies and bizarre events and makes them work to his advantage. I had thought this was a YA book, but it’s for adults. It’s strange and wonderful and funny and makes me believe that I could never, ever match Handler’s wit. I saw that another reviewer of this book had said, “It’s a collection of short stories that feels like a novel.” It does and it doesn’t. It was like David Sedaris writing fiction. It breaks every single rule with aplomb.

 rr4Everything that Makes You by Moriah McStay
I’ve saved the best for last. Moriah McStay and I share an agent and an editor; she’s like my publishing “big sister” and lets me whine to her anytime I want. When our editor was in Minnesota this past summer, she gave me an ARC of Everything that Makes You, and as Moriah’s publication date approaches (March 17th!), I realized I’d better hop on it and read the ARC. My. Gosh. I mean this in the best way possible when I say that this book made me bawl and bawl and bawl. It’s a fascinating premise told in alternating chapters: in one part, we learn the story of Fiona, a girl with facial scars; in the other, we hear from Fi, who never had the accident. You encounter the same cast of characters in each story, but Fiona’s interactions with them are vastly different based on which reality she’s in. It was brilliant and incredible and put my heart into a vice and squeezed. I cannot wait for the rest of the world to meet Fiona and her friends. I sent Moriah a barrage of emails and tweets while I read this. It’s fair to say it clobbered me.

A Week in My Life

Art tree design with 7petal days of weekHere’s a typical week for me:

Monday-Friday, 8-4:30: recruit like a boss for the University of Northwestern.

Monday evening is my day off from writing. I come home, take a nap, try to fit in a lot of reading, and might meet up with a friend for coffee.

Tuesday evening I’m back at work on the novel. The first Tuesday of the month, though, I meet with a group of writer friends to discuss our various projects.

Wednesday evening I have therapy, then more writing.

Thursday evening I’m writing again (see a theme?) or I might get together with a friend. Maybe both.

Friday evening, I go home from work and CRASH. I nap for hours, then get up and write, blog, work through my to-do list, maybe get a massage. Sometimes I’ll go to an event like a play or musical or art show, but generally, I want to be A-L-O-N-E on Friday nights. (I’m such a wild one, eh?)

Saturday I sleep in, hang out with friends, take a nap, and stay up late writing.

Sunday I try to get more writing in, try to nap, and then lament the end of the weekend.

I try to pack all “events” into either Saturday or Sunday so that at least one day of the weekend is entirely reserved for writing.

As you can see, I’m writing almost every day. I typically only do one or two things with friends each week, though it varies. I’m so, so, so blessed to have friends who don’t take my writing time as a slight to them but who support me immeasurably. When I’m with my friends, I try to truly be with my friends, not in my imagination, working on my novel in my head. Having such an understanding circle of best friends is one of the greatest blessings of my life. (Thank you, peeps. I could never express just how much I appreciate you.)

Related post: How to Write & Still Have a Life

The Wild Novel: How to Start

Portrait of a beautiful tiger over concrete wall“You talk a lot about writing and editing your novels,” blog readers tell me, “but what I want to know is how you start.”

I’ve attempted to address this in past posts, such as:

Fiction: How I Start
The Beginnings of a Book
Idea Factory
First Draft Manifesto

But perhaps I’m not being explicit enough.

Allow me to tell you how I started writing Mill City Heroes

I love using FutureMe.org. It’s a site where I can send an email to myself in the future, forget about it, and then a month or a year or five years later, it shows up in my inbox. For me, it’s enjoyable on the front and back end. I often send emails to the future when the present is particularly stressful; it’s a way to reach out and touch a time when life will perhaps be more manageable. On the flip side, the emails are fun to receive: to compare the past and the present, to relish in the twists and turns that life presents me, to marvel in how much I was able to accomplish since the email was written, they’re a joy.

On their website, you can read other people’s anonymous letters to the future. I wondered what it would be like if someone were to read one of those emails and, say, fall in love with the anonymous writer and try to track him or her down. Would it be possible?

I’m a YA author, so I try to translate the idea for teens: what if high school sophomores sent themselves such emails and then they were delivered before high school graduation? What if a senior fell in love with the author of one of those emails and tried to locate the person in her school?

Boom. An idea.

But novels need characters. So I start looking for mine: names and faces. I use Pinterest, Tumblr, We Heart It, etc. and peruse faces till one stands out to me. Same thing with names.

I’d been saving this picture for maybe a year or so, and I knew it was time to finally write about her.

rowan

I chose a name for her. Rowen. I like names that are unique without being ridiculous.

I started to craft an identity for her: What was her personality like? What were her hobbies? Who was in her family? I did the same for her best friend.

Then I started to write.

Some authors plot everything out, figure out what is going to happen to whom when and where, but I am not that author. I step into the battle with an idea in my left hand and characters in my right. They are my only weapons, but they are well-chosen.

When I’m in first draft mode, I’m completely submersed in the world I’m creating. Everything I do, hear, say prompts me to think of my characters. I get upset while I drive and think, “Does Rowen have road rage?” My co-worker tells a joke, and I think, “How could I modify that for my story?” I check out a ton of books from the library about the subjects my characters are interested in, and everything I read makes me think of potential scenes and conflicts. And when I read fiction that touches me or makes me pause, I think, “How did the author make that happen? How can I do the same thing with my own spin on it?”

It’s a pretty crazy place to be. I love it and hate it. Sometimes both in the same day.

Everything is tentative at first. In fact, I thought I was going to tell Rowen’s story and wanted to tell it third-person omniscient (only to push myself since Truest is written in first person), but as I began to write, I realized that it was really more of her best friend Asa’s story and (for now, at least) I am writing from his point of view.

At this point, it’s all about showing up. I try to write six days a week, adding at least a thousand words a day to my manuscript. It’s slow-going, and it’s rough, rough, rough, but it’s also simple addition: a thousand words a day for two months will get you a working manuscript.

I’m in the middle of it right now, and it’s messy work. It’s hard and scary and takes so, so, so much faith, so many prayers. I merely feel charged with telling Asa and Rowen’s story to the best of my ability, to tell as much truth as I can. I trust (some days better than others) that themes will emerge and that I’ll learn lessons right alongside Rowen and Asa. I tell myself that I don’t have to know the ending or “the point” going into the novel, but that writing it will be a work of faith toward learning those things. As I said, it’s terrifying … and thrilling too. It’s trusting that if I sit down at my laptop over and over and over and over and over again, meaning and purpose and beauty and magic will emerge. A lot of faith. A lot at stake. A lot of reward too, if I can keep my head down and my heart open.

So, that’s maybe the best I can do at telling you how to start a novel. I should also mention that there’s a lot of research, a lot of pushing the random button on Wikipedia, and a lot of conversations with willing friends (or not-so-willing victims) as I push toward creating something wild and beautiful.

And that’s the thing: to me, a novel is so, so wild. It’s untamed and demands everything. Which is why it’s probably silly that I even attempt to write blog posts about how to approach it. How do you approach a tiger?

However the tiger demands.

Questions from Blog Readers

questions from blog readersWould you ever get a pet?
I’m usually allergic to animals, so probably not unless I had a farm and could keep the pet outdoors. My parents have a sweet little German shepherd puppy named Casey right now, and she’s adorable. But if I were going to get a pet for myself, I’d get a kitten. I’m weirdly crazy about kittens and watch waaaayyyy too many cat videos on YouTube. (Here’s a favorite.)

What are your love languages?
Definitely words of affirmation. If someone sends me a kind email, I’ll print it out and tape it up at work. If someone praises my writing, I go back and look at it repeatedly. A particularly lovely email from my editor is my desktop background.

Who is your favorite YouTuber?
I think the videos I look forward to the most are from SORTED Food, which is so ironic because I don’t cook. I just ADORE Mike, Ben, Barry, and Jamie and their dynamics! I also really, really love and appreciate all that John and Hank Green have done for the YouTube community. Miranda Sings, Kory De Soto, Wheezy Waiter, What the Buck are all favorites.

If you could design a dream job, what would it be like (it doesn’t have to actually exist)?
Sleep till 11 am. Eat lunch with my favorite kids. Read all afternoon. Take a nap. Have dinner with my best friends. Write till 2 or 3 am. Repeat. (OMGOSH, can this be real someday?)

Will your novel be your first published work, or did you “work up” to it with short stories, novellas, etc.?
Growing up, I wrote novellas. I thought they were books, but they were pretty darn short. In college, I wrote short stories. My short story “Covered Up Our Names” won the Katherine Paterson Prize in 2013. But in my opinion, short stories and novels are so totally different that, at least for me, they are (mostly) unrelated experiences and exercise different writing muscles. Do both teach me a lot about great writing? Yes, of course. But the experience of writing a novel– especially settling in for the long haul and learning how in the world to pace a story– is so different from that of writing a short story. A short story has so much less real estate, and you have to say a lot in so few words. Short stories are really intimidating to me, though every once in a while, I’ll have a burst of inspiration and write one in a frenetic fury. I’m in awe of those who have mastered the short story. I don’t think I have enough great ideas to spend them on many short stories, if that makes any sense.

Where did your faith start? How did you get to the place you are now?
I grew up in a Christian home, but it was my summer camp where I first felt God calling me to him. From 4th grade through graduation, camp was one of the biggest sources of discipleship and spiritual growth for me, along with the example of my parents and the teachings of my beloved youth pastor. College at Northwestern took things to a whole new level, being surrounded by other believers, taking in-depth courses on scripture, and attending daily chapel where I heard from speakers all around the world. But, finally, in 2008, I underwent ERP and finally experienced true freedom, and that is when I really began to grow!

What is your ultimate goal in writing?
To honor God, to make people think, to infuse fiction with truth, and to make the product beautiful.

Reflections on 2014, Hopes for 2015

2014.

Oh you incredible, horrible, overwhelming, rewarding year.

I could sum it up as The Year of Revisions.

I’d never experienced such an intense, prolonged critique journey. It incited panic in me and pushed me back into therapy. But MY GOSH, PEOPLE, I am so proud of Truest. I’ve said before– and I’ll say it again now– that my editor at HarperCollins is a genius and she pushed me beyond my own talent into a whole new level. I am so, so grateful for her. Jill, if you’re reading this, THANK YOU. I’m so honored to have worked with you on Truest, and I feel so blessed to get to partner with you again for the next story.

2014 was also The Year of Asking for Help. Over the years, I’ve gotten better and better at acknowledging my own shortcomings and issues and needs and then reaching out for help. And not being ashamed to do it either.

2015.

The year I debut as a novelist!

I’m so excited– and nervous– to share my novel with everyone. Certain things are starting to occur to me, like WHOA, MY BOOK WILL BE AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER and WHOA, MY BOOK WILL BE ON SHELVES and WHOA, MY BOOK WILL BE REVIEWED ON BLOGS. I about had a heart attack when I saw Truest appear on a list of books this blogger is looking forward to.

SO much to look forward to:

The big cover reveal! (I love it so much and cannot wait for you all to see it! Teaser: it has bright, beautiful blues and greens and a hand-painted title!)

A book release party!

Writing and revising my next book!

(Hopefully) hearing from kind people who enjoy Truest!

2013 was The Year of the Book Deal. 2015 will be The Year of the Book Release. 2014, as you can imagine, was a bridge. Or maybe a tunnel.

It’s so exciting to see the light.

tunnel end light

 

Unwind Dystology by Neal Shusterman

unwind dystologyI’m an unlikely fan of Neal Shusterman’s Unwind dystology. I don’t normally go for the high-octane, super-intense, action-packed books.

But I love this series.

It’s set after the Heartland War, a war between the Pro-Life and Pro-Choice movements, and the compromise that they’ve arrived at is to ban abortion but to allow teenagers to be “unwound”: every organ used in donation. Since all body parts are still alive, this is not seen as killing the teenager; rather, they are “living in a divided state.”

Totally creepy, right?

I loved the characters in this series. There are three main ones, although every book adds more POVs, more well-drawn characters. Connor, the Akron AWOL, on the run from his own unwinding; Risa, a ward of the state being unwound due to budget cuts; and Lev, a “tithe” who has been raised his whole life to believe that his unwinding will be giving his life back to God.

Book one: awesome.  (Bonus: includes the most disturbing scene I’ve ever read in YA ever.)
Book two: even better. (Bonus: Miracolina.)
Book three: love this series. (Bonus: frenemies/rivals/awkward love triangle!)
Book four: everything at stake. (Bonus: all your beloved favorites make an appearance.)

This was a really thought-provoking series for me, and I’d love to talk it over with someone who has read it. What did you like? Did anything bother you about the ending? Who was your favorite character? Which scenes made you sick to your stomach? Was the premise hard for you to believe?

Obviously, if you haven’t read this series, avoid the comments section due to SPOILERS!

Recent Reads

janie face to faceJanie Face to Face by Caroline B. Cooney Do you remember The Face on the Milk Carton? It was published back in 1990 and was an important book in my childhood, about a girl who saw a picture of herself on a milk carton ad about an abducted child. This book is the last of the Janie books, and I think it was mostly nostalgia and the desire for a neat conclusion that drove me to read it. The sad truth is that I didn’t find it well-written, which confused me and made me wonder if maybe Milk Carton hadn’t been as good as I’d thought. So I went back to it, and no– it still held up. But Janie Face to Face just didn’t. It covered years much too quickly, and it made Janie and Reeve seem a bit ridiculous. It was a let-down, but at least now I know what happened to everyone!

wild awakeWild Awake by Hilary T. Smith | This book was fascinating and visceral, exciting and sad and overwhelming. It’s the story of Kiri, a piano prodigy whose parents leave her at home for a month while they travel the world, and about what happens while they’re gone (hint: a lot). It was an eye-opening look at bipolar disorder, and I’ve already added Smith’s next book to be TBR list, though it doesn’t come out till May.

undividedUndivided by Neal Shusterman | Wow, okay. So, you guys know that I have been dying for this final book in the Unwind Dystology, and it did not disappoint! In fact, I have a confession to make: at one point, I was so overwhelmed with the story that I had to peek at the ending. Isn’t that just awful? I try not to do that, but Shusterman is such an intense, keep-you-on-the-edge-of-your-seat, nothing-is-too-sacred-to-keep writer that I just had to. Anyway, I was very, very pleased with the book, and I’m going to write up a whole blog post about this series, since I’m such a big fan. I highly recommend this series but have to warn you: it contains some of the most intense scenes I’ve ever read. Actually, the first book– Unwind— has a scene that might haunt me till the day I die. Worth. It.

magnoliaMagnolia by Kristi Cook | This book was billed as a “backward Romeo and Juliet“– that is, the families want the kids together, but the kids are not interested. It wasn’t really my cup of tea (or sweet tea– it’s a Southern novel!) because I didn’t think the main characters had much chemistry. (Gosh, I hate bad-mouthing books because I know how much work goes into them! I’m sure lots of other people will like this book, but it wasn’t for me.)

blue lilyBlue Lily, Lily Blue by Maggie Stiefvater | I’ve basically been frothing at the mouth for this book, and– as one would expect from Maggie Stiefvater– it was fantastic. Her characters just kill me. They are so deep and complicated and broken and beautiful. I hope that someday I can write such intense, complex characters as Stiefvater does. To be honest, I’d not be particularly interested in the premises of her books (which tend to be about things like mythical water horses and sleeping Welsh kings), but the characters make everything more than worth it. This is the third book in a four-book series, so I’ll return to my frothing-at-the-mouth for now.

shaking the treesShaking the Trees by Azra Tabassum | Another poet I found via Tumblr. I really liked this book, though I did think that the poems suffered a tiny bit from her young age. One thing that I really loved about this collection of poems was that there was a narrative arc to the poems. You actually follow a couple through the highs and lows of their relationship as you go through the pages, which was incredibly satisfying and something I’ll be looking for in future poetry books.

And for the little readers …

book with no picturesThe Book with No Pictures by BJ Novak | This book is so much fun! It doesn’t have pictures, but the words are so fun and goofy that kids will love it anyway. I love the way that Novak is able to display the power of words alone to young readers via this book. I bought several copies already.

poem that heals fishThis is a Poem that Heals Fish by Jean-Pierre Simeon | My friend Kathy Ellen Davis, a fantastic children’s writer herself (check out her website here!), sent me this book, and it was fun and lovely and a super adorable search for the answer to What exactly is a poem? I loved it so much and can’t wait to read it to my favorite kiddos!

What have you been reading lately?

Brave or Crazy, Maybe Both

Last winter, I began a story about a girl with trust issues whose childhood nemesis returns to the island where she lives and stirs up her life. I quickly fell in love with these characters– Maggie, a headstrong tomboy, and Penn, a young man about to burst into flames– and there was no doubt in my mind that their story would be my second novel.

After I finished my final draft of Truest, I spent October diving into research for my story, even booking a trip out to Seattle and to Friday Harbor to do on-site exploration.

I also started to experience complete mental/emotional breakdowns. I had two in the course of about eight days, and then I started to buckle down and get serious. November arrived, and I promised to treat my writer-soul with kindness for the month and to write for an hour a day.

And then I woke up one Saturday morning, and I lay in my bed thinking, I’m not excited to spend time with these characters right now. I need to write a different story.

I got up, emailed my editor about it, a desperate cry of “I’m scared of my current WIP, but I’m scared of my other idea too. What do you think I should do?” and as soon as I clicked send, I thought, I hope she tells me to start over with my next idea.

Well, I thought. There’s your answer.

So, to shorten this already long story, I’ve started over. I’ve set Penn and Maggie, their island in the Puget Sound, and hours upon hours of research, and 65k words on the backburner, cancelled my trip to the Pacific Northwest, and have launched enthusiastically into a new story which takes place in northeast Minneapolis. I’d like to introduce you to Rowen and Asa, two Twin Cities natives looking for love, freedom, and themselves. They’re brilliant and fun and just as eager for spring as I am.

You can read a little more about my next novel here (and if you wanted to leave an encouraging comment, that would be especially useful to this tired and frazzled author).

Come on, it’s not hard to imagine that magic happens daily in a place like this:

Stone Arch Bridge, Minneapolis Minnesota