It’s my bday today.
Enjoy some pics of little Jackie.
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Imagination & Skill
I can imagine a lot. I can imagine a perfect book. (Frankly, it looks a lot like The Piper’s Son by Melina Marchetta.)
But my skills as a writer don’t stretch so far. At least, not yet. I’m still such a novice.
I’m very proud of Truest. I know it’s not perfect, but it’s the very best I could offer at age 33. I’m turning 34 on Sunday. I wonder what my very best will look like this year and next.
My editor “set me loose” for the next week to see what damage I can do to my manuscript of Ardor Novel. I’m thrilled. Terrified. Trying so hard to remember to honor the process: write, feedback, revise, repeat. I’m on step one of a long process. I’m at Go.
Writing is such a fearsome thing.
I love it; I am afraid of it.
Trying to remind myself of the gameplan, which is mostly the voice of Anne Lamott: Bird by bird. Butt in seat, hands on keyboard. Show up. Shitty first drafts.
And my own voice: Choose joy.
Two Changes to the Plan(s)
It’s only January 10th, and already I have to make changes to my goals for this year!
Change #1: complete a final draft of whatever novel I end up going with (which will likely not be Yes Novel).
Change #2: I’m switching the April poetry collection. I cracked open The Captain Asks for a Show of Hands, and it’s just too vulgar. I can’t handle it. So I’m switching it out for Aimless Love by Billy Collins.
Big Magic: Courage, Enchantment, & Suffering
In the grip of depression, anxiety, and perfectionism last week, I asked for a pep talk on Twitter.
@jackieleawrites I’m listening to BIG MAGIC by Elizabeth Gilbert and to like 4 hours of pep talk so far.
— Kristin Routh (@McRouth) January 4, 2016
@jackieleawrites it’s about creativity and not letting fear hinder you, etc 😀😀
— Kristin Routh (@McRouth) January 4, 2016
It was really what I needed to read. Seriously.
@McRouth basically bawling my way through Big Magic.
— Jackie Lea Sommers (@jackieleawrites) January 6, 2016
I listened to the audiobook, and I’m so glad I did because Elizabeth Gilbert’s sweet narration was like being mentored by a big sister in the arts.
This isn’t really a review, per se, just a few of my thoughts on the book.
“The essential ingredients for creativity remain exactly the same for everybody: courage, enchantment, permission, persistence, and trust.”
This quote really touched me because it really nails some of those ingredients that people don’t seem to realize are so necessary. What do you need to write a book? I bet a lot of people would say talent or time or (cheekily) a pencil. I agree with Liz: courage, enchantment, permission, persistence, and trust. (Though I might swap “trust” out with “faith” to get a little closer to what trust looks like for me.)
“There is a famous question that shows up, it seems, in every single self help book ever written: what would you do if you knew that you could not fail? But I’ve always seen it differently. I think the fiercest question of all is this one: what would you do even if you knew that you might very well fail? What do you love doing so much that the words failure and success essentially become irrelevant? What do you love even more than you love your own ego?”
This is huge to me. I just read an article about the same thing. (It’s right here and well worth the read!) This article said the question to ask is: How do I choose to suffer? Basically, what is worth suffering for?
I like how the writer of the article summarizes a failed dream of his: “I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love not with the fight but only the victory. And life doesn’t work that way.”
I’m learning. Slowly.
Writing, I believe, is worth the suffering. Writing is worth it, even without success. But it takes courage and enchantment and faith.
I want to cultivate those things in myself.
Slowly, slowly …
This Week Has Been Whoa
So, I’m sitting here debating how much I want to say, and instead, I think I just need to start.
This week has been wild.
WILD.
On Sunday, depression surged up and wrapped its ugly hands around my throat. But I don’t mess around anymore. I called in all the reserves: meds, essential oils, tons of water, vitamins, meeting with my therapist, a chiropractic adjustment. By Wednesday, my world wasn’t ending anymore.
Which is interesting because on Tuesday I talked to my editor about Yes Novel, and she said, “Start over.”
Yeah, you read that right. Start over.
But guess what? That conversation made me so happy. I’m serious. Because I wasn’t feeling good about Yes Novel (haven’t been for a while!) and so to hear my editor say that she wasn’t either meant we were on the same page. That’s such a good feeling. I can’t tell you what a relief it is (and how lucky I feel) to have an editor who is more committed to putting out a good book than to staying on schedule.
Because I’m not afraid of working hard. But I’m terrified of mediocrity.
(More thoughts coming soon about my battle against perfectionism.)
So, I started to re-think Yes Novel and what changes I wanted to make if I started to rebuild it from the foundation up. It needs a lot of work, guys. It made me think of the novel I set aside in November 2014 in order to start writing Yes Novel. It’s a manuscript that I’ve re-visited over the last year more than once. I’ve missed the characters. I’ve missed the island where it takes place. It has more things in the right places than Yes Novel does.
In one fifteen-minute drive home, I’d all but convinced myself I wanted to switch projects again. Again. (Remember this?)
I emailed my editor and asked her to take a look at my old manuscript (let’s call it Ardor Novel), and she agreed.
This morning she emailed that she was excited about the manuscript!!
Does that mean I’ve officially switched from Yes Novel to Ardor Novel?
No. But probably.
And I couldn’t be more excited. Stay tuned to learn more about what has happened in the past year behind the scenes to prepare me for returning to this story.
But for now, please leave a kind comment for this pummeled, anxiety-ridden writer who is currently jacked up on bookish adrenaline. I’m exhausted. But I’m almost shaking with excitement. I could use some cheerleaders!
A whole lot of Misc to start 2016
More MM news!!! Ahhhh!
Firstly, Happy New Year.
The paperback edition of The Piper’s Son comes out in Australia today. If anyone is interested, during January, I’ll respond to any burning questions you’ve ever had about the novel in the comments section.
Except the Jimmy Hailler question, which I’ll address now.
No, I’m not currently writing a Jimmy Hailler book. But it may seem as if I am. If you are inclined to read my next novel due out in September (more of that down below) then the prologue will present you with two Jimmys. Netiher is Jimmy Hailler.
I know. How cruel. Didn’t do it on purpose. Wasn’t thinking. Tried to change their names, but once you name those characters, it’s really hard to change much about them.
In saying the above, a Jimmy Hailler novel does exist in my head and has for a while. It’s a four-hander and he’s one of…
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Perfectionism Digs a Deep Hole
Exhibit A.
Exhibit B.
Exhibit C.
Exhibit D.
Exhibit E.
Achiever. That’s honestly my #2 strength after Learner via StrengthsFinder. But so often it doesn’t feel like a strength; it feels crippling.
Perfectionism is something I’ve battled my whole life. I didn’t just want an A on the test, I wanted the highest score in the class. I might get 100% but if someone else also got an extra credit point, I’d feel like I didn’t perform well.
Performer. My freedom from OCD has given me so much freedom in this area too. I’m learning that my worth isn’t based on my performance.
But it’s still a lie I all too often believe.
I’m a writer. But I can never measure up to my own standards for myself, and so I walk around defeated even when I’m living my dream.
I don’t have answers to this. I just needed to share. Thanks for listening.
All I Want For Christmas
A little late for 2015 Christmas … but it will be early for 2016 Christmas. I can wait till September.
“Popular young-adult author Melina Marchetta returns with a crime novel for adults in September (Shaming the Devil, Penguin Random House).”
Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/books/books-for-the-year-the-treats-in-store-from-australia-and-overseas-in-2016-20151224-glu19y.html#ixzz3wEaLQh00
Follow us: @smh on Twitter | sydneymorningherald on Facebook
2016 Books I’m (More Than) Excited For
I’m sure there will be many, many more as we progress through the year, but from the get-go, these are the ones on my radar:
The Series-Enders:
The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater. NEED.
Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo. Six of Crows knocked me off my feet. I can’t wait to find out what happens to this crew of misfits.
Illusion by Martina Boone. Eight Beaufort. That’s all.
The Rose & the Dagger by Renee Ahdieh. Many of you know that Ahdieh’s The Wrath & the Dawn was my favorite read of 2015. I’m more than ready for the sequel.
The Series-Starter:
The Crown’s Game by Evelyn Skye. This has been pitched as The Night Circus in an alternate Russia. So much yes.
The Standalones:
Salt to the Sea by Ruta Sepetys. I had the pleasure of hearing Ruta talk about this book when she was in St. Paul this winter. It’s the true story of an accident on the sea that was astronomically worse than Titanic. I can’t wait to see how Sepetys brings it to life.
Underwater by Marissa Reichardt. I “met” Marissa when she interviewed me about Truest, and now it’s her turn to debut. Listen to this description. Is this not right up my alley? “Underwater is a powerful, hopeful debut novel about redemption, recovery, and finding the strength it takes to face your past and move on.”
What about you guys? What books are you looking forward to in 2015???
2016 Creative Goals
This graphic a metaphor.
First, it’s a little messy. Just like how I expect 2016 to be.
Secondly, it’s a collection of doors. I imagine this year is going to have a variety of doors/opportunities … I need to find the courage to walk through them and the wisdom to know which ones.
Here are the doors I know I want to enter this year.
Behind Door 1: a final manuscript of Yes Novel Salt Novel (???) (edited 1.10.16)
Behind Door 2: a first draft of my next novel.
Behind Door 3: three new story ideas, just the bare bones.
Behind Door 4: a writing retreat.
Behind Door 5: a day of creative exploration.
Behind Door 6: a pruned TBR shelf, via reading and weeding.
Behind Door 7: a book of poetry every month.
Behind Door 8: a healthier writing lifestyle.
I’ll be keeping you guys posted this year about these eight doors and my plans for them. Some will be easier than others. Some will require me to first pry the door open. Some I might need to get pushed over the threshold.
But I’m excited. 2016, come at me.
JACKIE LEA SOMMERS 