Category Archives: ranting

Recruiter Rant

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There’s this trend with teenagers right now that I don’t like.  They can’t answer questions without their parents’ help.  Now, I’m not talking, How do you plan to pay for college? or What special accommodations might you need?

I’m talking, What do you like to do for fun?

Come on, guys.  You can answer that question on your own.  It’s the easiest one in the book– and there’s not even a wrong answer!  The only wrong answer is you not having enough boldness and social grace to speak up and share your opinion!

I think that all teenagers should go to college visits prepared with the following:

* Three (or more!) specific questions they have about the school
* A list of other schools they are interested in
* A short list of what they are looking for in a college (big/small, public/private, certain majors, urban/suburban, etc.)
* What they are involved with (at school, home, church, community)
* What things they enjoy (sports, movies, reading, writing, shopping, art)

Interestingly, most of these questions should be easy to answer and shouldn’t require forethought or planning.

You want your college recruiter on your side– especially when it comes to admittance and scholarships!  Put your best foot forward and be ready to answer the most basic of questions.  Remember: you’re not just checking out my school.  I am also evaluating your fit with our community!

Prospective students and parents, take note!

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I’m an unmarried adult.

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I don’t have a husband.  Or even a boyfriend.

But I am an adult.  I’m thirty-one.  I have a full-time job.  I pay rent, buy my own gas and groceries (and everything else).  I am emotionally mature.  I make my own choices.

So why have I heard twice recently that marriage makes someone an adult?

First a coworker said to Matt (the groom), “You’re getting married!  That’s awesome.  Welcome to adulthood, buddy!”

And someone at the wedding said tearfully of Des (the bride), “Wow, I can’t believe she is finally an adult!”

I was offended both times.  Marriage is not a magical door to the land of Adulthood.

So what do you think: am I too sensitive or do people speak too thoughtlessly?

adulthood

Christian Culture’s (Sad) Response to Mental Illness

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It’s in the Title: Mental Illness is an Illness

Salads and sandwiches and a shared mental illness, all of it on the tiny table between us.

“There is help for OCD,” I told her.  “The most effective treatment is cognitive-behavioral therapy.  Between that and my medication, I got my life back.  I know you can too.”  (The evangelical zeal I have for this particular therapy reminds me of the way I love Jesus: both took me from darkness into light, both make me want to throw parades in their honor.)

“Oh, I don’t know,” said my friend, poking at her salad with a fork, sounding hesitant.  “I think before I take any extreme methods, I want to just pray about it more.  I know that God can bring me through this.”

I wanted to say, But you have been praying about this for years!  I also believe God can bring you through this—and I am telling you how.

There is a pervasive and unhealthy attitude in the Christian culture toward mental illness.  Many believe that one should be able to “pray away” a disorder.  Some think that mental illness is, quite simply, spiritual warfare; some think it’s the result of unresolved sin issues.  One of my friends has said before that a real Christian can’t be clinically depressed.  I saw a Facebook status once that read, “Depression is a choice.”

These sentiments light a fire in me, especially for the way that they marginalize a group of people that are often already more susceptible to guilt.  I know that in my OCD hey-day, I felt continual guilt and severe shame; for someone to intimate to me that these feelings were the appropriate ones would only mean that my Christian brothers and sisters were siding with my disorder—and against me.

Mental illnesses are just that: illnesses. 

friendsGod and Satan can work through them just the same way as they could through, say, cancer or diabetes.  All issues are spiritual issues, simply because we are spiritual beings, but it is not helpful to label a chemical issue with a giant term like spiritual warfare.  To say that a Christian cannot be depressed is like saying a real Christian can’t get the flu.  To say that depression is a choice is like saying strep throat is a choice.

If you break a bone, do you get it set in a cast?  If you learn you’re diabetic, do you take insulin?  If cancer steps into your body, do you pursue chemotherapy?

The answer is usually yes.  Yes—and pray.  (Don’t get me wrong: I’m all for prayer!  And for medical innovation!)

That is why I am unashamed of my OCD, my depression.  Instead, I am proud of my God for seeing me through a therapy as difficult as CBT and for being my strength through five years of side effects in the search for the right medication.

Unfortunately, my friend left the sandwich shop that evening feeling obligated to “pray away” a spiritual flaw instead of feeling empowered to fight illness, in spite of my best efforts.  My voice is being drowned out by the multitude of louder voices of the Christian culture, a culture that should be supporting this demographic, not alienating it.

How I Feel Tonight (and it’s not good)

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Let me be clear … I have had an overwhelmingly positive response to my novel so far.  Right now, two editors and six agents are reading part or all of my novel, including one who said she was “captivated.”

But tonight I am anticipating rejection, and it’s as if my own mind is sabotaging itself.  I am preparing to be let down.

I feel foolish.  I feel silly.  I feel like, How could I have thought I could write something good?

I think I’m just terribly stressed– the wedding is two weeks from today, and I have convinced myself that no one will like my manuscript, and I’m not eating bread or sugar, and I feel like I want to eat Nutella with a frickin’ spoon tonight.

I keep saying to myself, “Who did you think you were– C.S. Lewis?  It takes someone much more special and gifted than yourself to write about Christ in a way that is accessible to non-Christians.”

It is SO HARD to write about Jesus in a way that is free of oversentimentality and yet full of mystery and meaning.  I so desperately want to be that writer who can do so– but I feel like I’ve been kidding myself.

I want skill and talent and truth and the right words, and I feel so frustrated and foolish.  And those eight people have not even said no.  Why do I do this to myself?  Does anyone else prepare themselves for rejection in this way?

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Things That Offend Me (or Excuse Me While I Spew My Ranting All Over the Internet)

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frustrationIn general, I’m not an easily offended person.  After a lifetime of being The Girl Who Thinks Too Much, I’ve learned to roll with the punches … in fact, I’ve learned the “punches” are quite often in love.  As a writer, I am used to critical feedback about things that matter to me deeply.  And because I feel pretty confident just being Jackie Lea Sommers, throwaway comments don’t usually floor me.  I like to assume that people have good intentions (although you know what they say about good intentions … and adverbs …)

But there are a couple things that really get under my skin.

1) The belief that young adult literature is inherently sub-par.

A friend from my writing group recently went on an intense writing experience in Scotland where her absolutely brilliant instructor essentially told her that she was “too good” to be writing YA.

Excuse me?

I write young adult lit, and I demand of myself writing that is not only of the highest literary quality (beautiful, rhythmic, paced, character-driven, and clear) but also worthy of the minds of teenagers, whom I believe often outstrip adults in creativity and ingenuity.  I am writing for people who are on the horizon of the future.

2) The belief that I am “less than” because I’m single.

A co-worker was booking his honeymoon the other day, and another co-worker said, “Welcome to adulthood!”

Of course I took offense.

I am single in every sense of the word– does that somehow mean I haven’t reached true adulthood?  Am I not as important because I don’t have a spouse or children?

Not at all.

I hate the subtle ways that society declares this though.  Frustrates me to no end.

I AM A COMPLETE PERSON ON MY OWN.

3) The stigma that it’s wrong/sinful to seek out help for mental illness.

I have dear, dear friends whom I cherish who propagate this idea on Facebook every day, and it takes all that is in me to cool off and not post, QUIT SHAMING ME FOR WANTING TO SLOW DOWN MY SEROTONIN REUPTAKE.  I’m glad juicing/yoga/whatever-it-is works for you.  I am not a bad person for taking Prozac.

Okay, that’s all.  Have a nice day! 🙂

 

 

I judge you based on the books you read. :-)

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(This post is meant to be in fun, so no one is allowed to be offended, kapeesh?)

I think we all do something like this, to some extent.  I have a dear friend who judges people based off of their favorite Beatles songs!  My choice of “Here Comes the Sun” passed muster, but if you were to say, for example, “I Wanna Hold Your Hand,” her opinion of you would drop pretty fast.  For some people, it’s the music you listen to; for others, the movies you enjoy.

But for me, it’s books.

librarian

If you read C.S. Lewis, I like you automatically, but if you haven’t read his space trilogy, I start to doubt just how big a fan you are.  When I discover people who haven’t read Narnia, I jokingly ask them why they don’t love Jesus.  (JOKINGLY!  Calm down!)

If you read Melina Marchetta, I think you are brilliant and first-class.  If you’ve discovered Jandy Nelson’s one novel, I’m impressed and can’t wait to discuss it with you.  If you loved The Fault in Our Stars, I think you’re a deep-thinking intellectual.  Same thing if you like Yann Martel’s books.

If you read paranormal romance, I will probably automatically think you’re not serious about good books.  Probably.  Not for sure.  I rather liked The Mortal Instruments, but then again, I kind of judge MYSELF for liking them.  Ha!

If you’ve read Sophie’s World, I’d be blown away.  I’m not sure I’ve ever met anyone else who has.

If you refuse to read Harry Potter, I will probably joke that, Yeah, the rest of the world must have been wrong.  But yet, I won’t let that argument work on me if you try to use it for another book.

If you’re a big fan of Christian romance, I’m going to raise an eyebrow.  (You can convince me of your sound judgment if you tell me they are a guilty pleasure.  I have one friend– you know who you are!– who avoids my judgment this way.)

I’m not impressed if you read Austen or the Brontes.  I’m not saying these are bad books at all, just that I don’t care for them much (excepting Wuthering Heights).

A friend of Billy Collins is a friend of mine.  Same goes for Anne Lamott.

I respect LOTR fans though I myself am not interested.

If “cancer books” are your thing (you know, those books where kids fall in love and one of them dies, and every story is almost identical), we should talk.  I can kindly redirect you.

Now, tell me yours!  Do you produce snap judgments, and if so, based on what?  Give me some details!

a bunch of v-day-related ranting

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Oh, February 14th.  Seems like just last year I was thinking, Ahhh, but I won’t be alone next Valentines Day.

Ooops.  Wrong again!

Sometimes I can sound a little bitter about being single, but I actually don’t always hate it.  I can be super selfish with my time, go to Barnes & Noble whenever I want, buy whatever I want.  I can drop everything and go to California for a weekend.  I don’t have to cook for anyone.  More time for ministry over the years.  And, though this might sound strange, years of watching friends marry and be married has taught me a ton about what I want in a husband, in a marriage, even in a wedding ceremony.

But good old V-Day.  It’s never very fun to be single on Valentines Day.

I have nothing against Valentines Day.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with choosing a day to make a big deal out of love.  I don’t really care about the commercialism even.  I think, if you’re blessed enough to have someone you love, you should celebrate your relationship every day.  But why not make a big fuss over it one day a year?  Sometimes it seems like the couples who don’t celebrate V-Day are trying to make a statement I don’t exactly understand.

I was talking to a friend the other day about how I’m glad I didn’t marry young.  It’s true, even though at the time, it was all that I wanted.  I think students at Christian colleges get married way too young; the culture expects and demands it.  It’s not their fault.  They feel ready, and hey, maybe some are.  But I know I am so much wiser now, healthier now, Jackie-er now than I was ten years ago.  I have been forced to learn and do things that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise.  I know every facet of my identity in a much clearer way– heck, when I was in college, I was only starting to tiptoe into those waters!

I’m not saying college students shouldn’t get married or that it’s bad to marry young.  Well, maybe I am, a little.  Let’s be honest, there’s no formula to these things.  (Although I will say that almost every failed marriage I’ve seen has come from couples who married pretty young.)

Meh, I’m going to get myself in trouble on my blog.  On Valentines Day.  Listen, don’t yell at me too much.  Remember that I am all alone and show me grace.

I still love love.

Also,

Ahhh, but I won’t be alone next Valentines Day …

😉

v-day