Monthly Archives: August 2012

eternal life

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Price: “Eternal life is not a substance, it is a Person, and it is enjoyed by knowing the Person.  It is knowing God and knowing Christ.”

I remember reading this in college and having something click inside of me.  It’s not about Heaven.  It’s about JESUS.  Which is why my favorite verse is now John 17:3, which says, “And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.”

It reminds me that my eternal life has already begun, since I know Jesus now and will continue to know him forever.

For someone who has religious-themed OCD and scrupulosity, this is like a rock beneath my feet.

guilty pleasures

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One week ago, I read a book that was not exactly well-written, but I was still pretty fascinated and tore through it (and requested the next two books in the series from the library).  I announced to Facebook that I felt split in two, my reader-self warring with my writer-self.

I generally don’t read poorly-written books.

I know that’s a bold statement, but I figure that I have so many wonderful books on my list to read that I just won’t waste time with a book that doesn’t hold my interest or isn’t written well.

There are a few exceptions.  If I hear from enough people that I have to read a book which I have deemed as sub-par, then I have been known to cave to peer pressure just so that I can come back and tell them that I read it and still didn’t like it (since I am a literature snob.  I know, I know.).  The other exception would be if I have read an incredible book by an author in the past, then I will give the not-as-good book by the same author the benefit of the doubt, reading to the end, hoping for the author to redeem himself.  I feel I owe it to the author since he/she has already graced the literary world at one point.

But then there are these strange guilty pleasure books that I don’t even like to admit I read and enjoyed.  There aren’t a lot.  In fact, I feel like the last time I indulged in such a way was back in high school during the Left Behind series.  But last weekend I read a book about demon-hunting teenagers whose lives are full of killing, blood, and sexual tension.  I guess I will call it a guilty pleasure.

What are yours?

trusting the creative process

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Trusting the whatta?

The creative process.  I don’t know anyone (except for maybe Addie Zierman) who writes lovely first drafts, and that is just fine.  Freewrite, feedback, re-write, repeat: for me at least, this is the model of the creative process.  And every time I get to the “repeat” part, the draft is better.  If you can boil writing into a formula, that’s what mine looks like.  And then one magical day, the “feedback” part says, “Um, I like it as is,” and you’re done (until some agent tells you otherwise).

It’s bizarre.  Writing– this strange, mystical, spiritual experience– is somehow, for me, whittled into show up and write and then do it again.  After enough times, this clunky, staggering, unrealistic, forced, ridiculous draft turns into a piece of art.  I’m amazed by it.

I have not been writing fiction for long.  Fewer than five years actually.  So I am still in the dating stage with the creative process, still a little unsure that it will really work, uncertain that this formula really does add up.  I’ve spent the last four and half years watching it work (consistently!), and yet I still find myself doubting it.

Then I write another draft, and it is that much better than the last one, and I think in wonder, “It really is working!”

Just like any other relationship, I am learning to trust the creative process.  Show up, put in the effort, don’t get too attached, receive criticism, edit, edit, edit, edit, edit … and it will work.

I am posting this reminder TO MYSELF:

Jackie, KEEP GOING.  Write and keep an open dialogue with those who care about your project.  It will come together.  If it has come this far in 8 months, think of where it will be a year from now!  The creative process WORKS.  It can handle your doubt as long as you keep showing up.

Will you please leave me an encouraging comment?  I could sure use one right now.

writing music

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For you writers out there, do you listen to music while you write?  What kind?  How loud?  Lyrics or no?  Do you make playlists based on what you’re writing?

My preferences have changed over time, but I find that now I like to write to music with no lyrics, usually background music from movies.  Right now I am loving Harry Gregson-Williams (the early Narnia albums), Carter Burwell (Where the Wild Things Are), Alexandre Desplat (Deathly Hallows and Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close), along with other Potter composers like Nicholas Hooper, John Williams, and Patrick Doyle.  So good.  Carter Burwell has a song called “Life Death Birth” (which is from the Breaking Dawn album, don’t judge me) that is just so wonderful to write to.

Sometimes I make playlists to get myself into a particular mood/attitude while I am working a particular scene.  I have a “sadness” playlist, a “you can do it!” playlist, a “falling in love” playlist, and a “confused” playlist.  My friend Caitlin thinks I am silly but endearing. Ha!

Would love to hear how music influences your writing!  Please comment!

Reblogged: Walking on cobblestones

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Please enjoy this awesome post from my blogosphere friend Lolly of the Lolly’s Hope blog!

Walking on Cobblestones

In the session I attended at the IOCDF Conference hosted by Dr. Reid Wilson, The Art of Persuasion: Changing the OCD Mind, I learned a lot about how to handle my anxiety.  Please note, most of the information below, besides my reactions and opinions, are directly from Dr. Wilson’s presentation.

Walking on cobblestones.  Those who walk on cobblestone streets daily have better balance.  Their cardiovascular system is better and their physical and mental health is better.  Each step, continually, they make little adjustments.  Their cardiovascular system has to change the way it pumps blood and puts information into the bottom of your feet, which sends signals up to the vestibular network to improve balance.  Why, you may ask, is this a valid point when it comes to anxiety and OCD?  Well, the point is, be awkward and clumsy and uncertain.

Having OCD, we are always looking for certainty.  The natural world is NOT the paved street, it is the cobblestones.  Our brains have to deal with variability in environment, in movement, in life.

To read the rest, including real steps you can take, click here!

an audiobook controversy

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I am a fan.  A huge fan.

I travel a fair amount for work to exotic places like South Dakota.  (JK– I love South Dakota, but exotic it is not.)  In any case, when you pair a long car ride alone with obsessive-compulsive disorder, you get nothing but trouble.  I learned early on that if I didn’t give my mind something to chew on during those drives, then I would be submitting myself to OCD attacks.

I read Perelandra by C.S. Lewis while driving 75 MPH down I-29 from Watertown to Sioux Falls.  And when I say read, I mean read, my eyes flickering every two seconds between the page on my steering wheel and out the windshield.  I know, I know– it’s terrible, and it was so dangerous, and I could have killed myself or someone else.  Praise God I didn’t.

But in the end, my office awarded me the “FOR GOODNESS SAKES, GET A RADIO” award, and I started using audiobooks, the safer and legal version of reading while driving.  Over the years, I have collected a small library of audiobooks, which I listen to rather often since I like to re-read.

Now, here is my question, and maybe you in the blogosphere can help settle a disagreement between my co-worker and myself: is listening to an audiobook the same thing as reading?

I say YES.  Sure, it’s a different format of reading, but it’s still reading.  I think it is fair for me to listen to an audiobook and then tell a friend, “I just read such-and-such book.”  That seems obvious to me.

I cannot understand why my co-worker Josh disagrees.  He said it’s not the same thing.  I don’t understand why it wouldn’t be.  It’s still a BOOK, isn’t it?  How then would you describe your interaction with it?  “I just listened to such-and-such book”?  And if so, what is the difference between saying that and that you read it?

I fear this post is very inarticulate, but maybe one of you readers can help put my thoughts (or Josh’s) into words.  Help?

when half-gods go

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I remembered this past week a poem that used to matter a lot to me in college, especially for its ending lines.  I discovered it around a time of my life when I was clearing a particular boy out of my romantic life– a boy I was very close to, one I cared about a great deal, who was one of my best friends at the time.  He was marvelous and hilarious and gorgeous, but I knew he wasn’t the right one.  He was what Emerson refers to below as a “half-god.”  I couldn’t settle for a half-god.  Because when half-gods go, the gods arrive.

Give all to love;
Obey thy heart;
Friends, kindred, days,
Estate, good fame,
Plans, credit, and the muse;
Nothing refuse.

‘Tis a brave master,
Let it have scope,
Follow it utterly,
Hope beyond hope;
High and more high,
It dives into noon,
With wing unspent,
Untold intent;
But ’tis a god,
Knows its own path,
And the outlets of the sky.
‘Tis not for the mean,
It requireth courage stout,
Souls above doubt,
Valor unbending;
Such ’twill reward,
They shall return
More than they were,
And ever ascending.

Leave all for love;—
Yet, hear me, yet,
One word more thy heart behoved,
One pulse more of firm endeavor,
Keep thee to-day,
To-morrow, for ever,
Free as an Arab
Of thy beloved.
Cling with life to the maid;
But when the surprise,
Vague shadow of surmise,
Flits across her bosom young
Of a joy apart from thee,
Free be she, fancy-free,
Do not thou detain a hem,
Nor the palest rose she flung
From her summer diadem.

Though thou loved her as thyself,
As a self of purer clay,
Tho’ her parting dims the day,
Stealing grace from all alive,
Heartily know,
When half-gods go,
The gods arrive.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Still waiting for that Mr. Right!!!!

 

a different perspective

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Yesterday, I wrote about how discouraged I was with writing.  My friend Addie, who blogs at How to Talk Evangelical and who was on the same writing retreat as I was, had a different experience.

Here’s the teaser:

HOW TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL WRITING RETREAT

First of all, forget your computer.

In your flurry to get the kids dressed and to the babysitter’s house, grab everything except for the gray laptop bag, weighted down with books and expectations and emails and power cords.

You’ll realize you’ve forgotten it about thirty minutes outside of Duluth, and there will be the inevitable pang. You’ll think of all you meant to do. All you could have gotten done.

You’re so used to its weight on your lap, to the feel of the keys underneath your fingers.

The other writers in the car will graciously offer to share theirs, but politely decline. This is how it’s supposed to go.

Wade slowly into the writing. Eat a fat sandwich of organic turkey and homemade bread from that little basement café you’ve always meant to try. Taste every single bite. Find a bench right by the water and watch the big ships come in for a while. At first, you’ll be so aware of everyone talking around you, but then, your heart will find its own quiet.

Click here to read the rest!