There’s a famous Dorothy Parker quote: “I hate writing; I love having written.”
Someone recently reminded me of this quote, and I argued back immediately, “No, I love writing itself!”
Here is where I will now contradict myself:
I love writing. What can be more enjoyable than experiencing magic while it is happening? To let the keystrokes happen almost of their own accord. To encounter storylines that I could have never dreamed of on my own. Or to press hard into a challenge and discover a solution. This is the brilliance of writing, of being in the minute, of loving each moment as the words fly from you.
I love having written. Lately, writing has been producing so much anxiety in me. It’s different than my OCD anxiety though. It’s more of a fear of the future and a fear of failure. Part of it is that I’m writing on a deadline again for the first time since college. Part of it is working on a first draft of a character-driven novel where I’m not certain the characters are strong enough to drive it. Part of it is that it’s simply what writing is like.
I do know that I need to get my anxiety under control again. I have a couple ideas:
* Post my First Draft Manifesto in places where I will see it often.
* Start using Valor, a blend of essential oils that’s been called both “a chiropractor in a bottle” and “courage in a bottle”
* Meet with writing mentor for some valuable wisdom on the writing life and how to win the head game [edit: did this and will post about it tomorrow!]
* Give myself grace
* Chat with my psychiatrist about this recent flare of anxiety
Any other suggestions? My writing life as of late has been like a roller coaster of self-doubt, and I need to get this under control. In other words, I need to not only love having written … I need to love writing itself.
My friend Anna posted about this on her blog today as well! Check it out here!