This is a very brief spoiler-free review of book #2 of the Compulsion trilogy; you can read my review of the first book, Compulsion, here.

This Southern gothic is alive with magic and romance and mystery, with gifts and curses doled out to generations of three intertwined families. Since this is a spoiler-free review, I can’t say too much about it, except that we continue to learn more about the mystery behind the Colesworth curse and the Beaufort and Watson gifts. This book also discusses victims of sexual violence, a discussion I appreciate and applaud.

And then, of course, there’s Eight.

Eight Beaufort, my favorite part of this series. This boy is magical (almost quite literally): a true Southern gentleman with charm and sweetness and a delicious frustration to him. I adore him.

I can’t wait for book #3 … which doesn’t come out till next fall. Someone hold me. Preferably Eight.

My novel only came out two and a half months ago; for an intents and purposes, I’m just a newborn author. But I’ve had all these thoughts floating around in my head for a while, and I wanted to get them out into a blog post. I know that many of you are really interested in the publishing process, so I thought you might find this of interest. Forgive me if it’s random. I’ll be using bullet-points again.

• I absolutely loved doing a big celebratory launch party on release day. It was so much fun and so special to have people I love from so many parts of my life come together to celebrate Truest … and to celebrate me. It was awesome. And it was great to have it on the actual release day so that there was actually a climax to the day I’d been counting down from for nearly two years. YES to release day parties.
• I loved my street team, but I did everything too early and put too much money into it. I tried to come up with enough swag to entice readers to join the launch party, but I think the people who joined it would have joined it for less. In future, I will probably do a street team, but I will a) give them only the ARC plus some exclusive content, b) do everything within a month of the release date.
• I would absolutely dish out the money to do a couple book tours during the release month. I’ll be doing a couple of those here in November and December, but I really wish I’d had the foresight to do them in September. Newbie!
• At every event (except maybe the launch party), I would also promote other books that I enjoyed. I really want to give back in this way, plus I want bookstores that host these events to sell more than just my book.
• I made a handful of promo materials. I probably should have just come up with one incredible idea, made a ton of them, and then given them out EVERYWHERE. When I busted out my promo events at a local college fair, they went like hot cakes … didn’t hurt UNW any either! It inspired lots of conversations.
• Here’s one that might shock you: I would have been more spoiler-y in my flap copy (i.e. the text on the inside flap of the book). A story about three teens in the summer isn’t particularly compelling, but once I mention that one of them has a disorder that causes her to question whether she’s in real life or just dreaming, I see lightbulbs go on. Every time. I’ve been looking at the flap copy of other books, and theirs is open super spoilery … and it doesn’t hurt the experience of the book. I think this was a big mistake of mine.
• I used Author Author to get copies of my books, but I’m not sure if I really got that great a deal on them. That said, it’s been so great to have plenty of copies that I’m able to sell at events. I also recommend using Flint for those sales. Also, bring a wingman to handle the sales. You don’t want to have to worry about handling money and credit cards– you should be free to just chat and sign books.
• Don’t read the reviews. Except the five-star ones. Those are tremendous fun. Filter everything else out on Goodreads.
• I learned that publishing a book isn’t a magical key to fulfillment. Okay, so maybe it is on launch day. There is nothing quite like seeing your book on shelves for the first time. But after that day, I was still just Jackie, full of self-doubt and wondering if anyone would like it, wondering if I could write another. I’ve shed a lot of tears since Truest came out, and most of them were not happy ones. Being published changed my life, but it didn’t take away my problems and doubts. At all.
• Everyone says the best thing you can do for your current book is to work hard on your next book. It can be really hard to tear yourself away from the action around your debut novel to focus on writing another one, but this is the writing life.

So, do any of these surprise you? Any other writers have additional thoughts to chime in?

I’m pretty convinced Patrick Ness is a genius. I love his Chaos Walking trilogy, and A Monster Calls moved my whole heart. He pushes the limits in such brilliant ways, and The Rest of Us Just Live Here is no exception.

I loved the concept: very, very few of us can be “the Chosen One.” While Harry Potter was off saving the wizarding world, most young wizards were just trying to get good grades in double Potions. I think of Tris, of Katniss, and even of Bella … all in the center of the action. But what about the teens who were on the outskirts of it all, knowing things were going on but, for the most part, not affected by them in their daily lives?

That’s what TROUJLH is about. It’s narrated by Mikey, who has been getting into these “loops” (washing his face over and over, or his hands, or counting the corners of his textbooks, etc.), and about his sister Mel, and their friends Jared and Henna. Each chapter starts with a brief explanation of what’s going on with the “indie kids” (i.e. the Chosen Ones, the heroes), and then spends the rest of the chapter on Mikey and his friends. We see the things happening to the indie kids– but it’s very peripheral. Mikey and his friends just want to make it to graduation.

I liked it. It was such an interesting concept and very well done. It poked fun at YA tropes in ways that made me smile. I recommend you read it.

It was interesting to read about Mikey’s OCD. Sometimes I thought, “Yes, yes, yes, this is what it’s like,” especially when Mikey talked about hating himself and about this perpetual wrong feeling. So many of us OCD sufferers can relate to that. But it was a little hard for me to identify Mikey’s obsessions. There was, I suppose, a vague worry about something bad happening to him and his friends, but it wasn’t sharply tied in the text to his compulsions. For me, my obsessions always took the front seat and my compulsions were closely and obviously (even if foolishly) connected to those obsessions. But my compulsions were never really like Mikey’s (counting and washing and repeatedly doing something till it “feels right”), so I guess I shouldn’t compare too closely. I guess I worry that someone who knows nothing about OCD would read an account like this and fail to really understand why the compulsions are there, what they are doing, the faulty logic of it all. There wasn’t a huge theme of uncertainty (though there was a small one), and for those of us with OCD, uncertainty is the biggest hurdle of our lives. I am glad that OCD was never portrayed as Mikey being a neat-freak, which would have sold the disorder short. Ness did show how depressed Mikey was due to the compulsive loops.

This was a great read. Can’t wait for Ness’s next work.

As some of you know, I’ve been working hard toward having a draft ready for my editor by Thanksgiving. I’ve been working since about May to generate brand new content and revise it all into a working draft. I’ve been riding the emotional rollercoaster to some dark, low places. There have been a few high points too.

Then, last week, about a month early, my editor said, “Just send your draft now, whatever you have.” It scared me, but I trust her, so I did it. And kinda freaked out.

But my editor Jill is great.

So, now my November is changing. These days that I thought would be filled with frantic revisions … are now free. I’m hoping to read a TON this month, rest a lot, prepare myself for the next round of revisions.

Tomorrow marks the one-year anniversary of when I decided to switch ideas and write Yes Novel. One year. And I still have so far to go. I admit that in recent days, I’ve doubted that decision. I think, though, that the middle drafts are just a scary, uncertain, messy, terrifying place to be. I can’t even decide if it’s good for me or not. I just know I don’t love it. I feel awkward and fumbly and the finish line appears so far off it’s barely in my viewfinder.

And this, too, is what writing novels looks like. Am I okay with that? If this is the life I’m going to choose, I need to understand that I’m choosing to sit in discomfort for extended periods of time. It reminds me of ERP, which was the worst and best thing, and lasted three unending months. But the middle drafts of a novel are like sitting in that stew for … a year … sometimes more. While facing down a deadline. It’s like running a race without knowing knowing how far away the finish line is … so you have a hard time figuring out what pace you need, you know? You’re just told to run like hell and you do.

But it’s worth it.

I think.

Ask me again next summer, when Yes Novel will be (please Lord) complete.

What I do know is that this brief respite while my editor reads the draft is one I needed.

Plans change. Hold them loosely, JLS.

I finished my second draft of Yes Novel.

Everyone’s excited.

Except maybe me.

I’m not not excited. I think it’s more of a glass-half-full sort of thing. Everyone looks at this and says, “Look at all the hard work you’ve done!” and I look at it and think, “Look at how much hard work I have left to do.”

The manuscript is raw. Unpolished. Choppy. The characters need work. The plot needs direction. The language needs refining. I look at this and see oh my gosh there is so much ahead of me.

I tried to compare things mathematically/chronologically.

With Truest, I worked for about 20 months before my editor ever saw it. Then I worked on it for another, oh, 9-10 months with her. Plus copyedits and some late changes. But, let’s just say 30 months of work.

With Yes Novel, I worked on it for 6 months before my editor saw it. Now, it’ll be another 6 months under her direction after she read the first draft. I’m supposed to have this thing ready to go sometime in May, so if I turn it in after Thanksgiving, and let’s just say I get revisions in January, I will have another 5 months of work to put into it. That totals 17 months of work, almost half of what went into Truest.

The comparison isn’t perfect, I know, because bringing my editor into the picture so much earlier will theoretically get it on the right track faster than before. If I spent 10 months of revisions with Jill on Truest, and I will get to spend 11 with Jill on Yes Novel, then maybe you could say I’m getting more time (more quality revision time, that is).

It’s just scary. It’s lonely work. Winter is here and is just SO hard for me. In some ways, I want someone to acknowledge that this is a crappy draft just so that I can be like, “Yes, yes, I know. Okay, we’re on the same page.” Maybe that’s all I really want: someone to be on the same page as me.

You’re probably thinking one of several things:
A) I wish I had a book deal. If I did, you wouldn’t see me complaining.
B) Gosh, she complains a lot.
C) I thought she said she loved writing ???
D) This blog is too emotional.

Here are my thoughts and responses:
A) I’m so sorry if I seem to complain. Believe me, I cannot wait for your book deal too, friend, so that we can commiserate together. I never thought I’d want anything else if I could just get a book contract. I am finding that that is untrue. At least I am hungry for writing good literature, right? *pleading eyes* I just want to write a book that matters.
B) I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry. I need to get my thoughts out somewhere, and my blog is it.
C) I do. I really do. But, well, as Bukowski said, “Find what you love and let it kill you.” I have. I am. It is.
D) I know. I’m a hot mess. Please someone come scrape me off the floor.

I need some support. Would you please comment with some encouragement, plus something you’re excited about right now, plus where you suggest I move that has more forgiving winters than Minnesota. 🙂

It’s been a hard week. I’m exhausted and going on three weeks of being sick. Dark, cold mornings make it so hard to get out of bed and face my energy-draining job. I have a deadline coming up for my draft, and I’ve been searching for a spark of soul in this manuscript and so scared it’s not there.

Then, last night, when it started to snow, I burst into tears.

I’m not ready for winter. I’m not ready for the darkness, the depression that lingers around the holidays for me. I’m a true-blue Minnesotan who, as the snow fell (and thankfully dissolved on contact with the ground), legitimately thought, “I can’t do another Minnesota winter. I need to escape.”

To where? To what? This is my home.

I’ve been wanting to escape this draft too. But again: to where? To what? Writing is my calling. I’m living my dream. I just can’t find the joy in it.

I’ve been wanting to escape work too. To where, to what? I have a great job with hilarious and loving coworkers and an incredible boss.

I’ve been wanting to escape this … silence I’ve been encountering from God. But “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life” (John 6:68). I know I’m not abandoned. I know that. But it doesn’t mean I don’t feel that way sometimes.

I’m. just. so. tired.

Therapy last night was a God-send, even if it meant I had to go out in the rain/snow. My therapist reminded me that all stories are connected to the gospel, and it was what I desperately needed to hear.

I don’t know what I thought– that a book deal would mean perpetual sunshine in my life? I do rejoice that I’ve been given this gift– this opportunity to share my words, live this life– but the winter has still come each year.

Still, I trust that spring is around the corner.

“But that doesn’t mean you stop trusting that the world is being rescued.” Stayed up way too late finishing TRUEST by @jackieleawrites.

— Kristen Ciccarelli (@twocentsparrow) October 29, 2015

@jackieleawrites Not enough YA talks so openly about God, imo, and the way you do it is beautiful and raw and redemptive. ❤

— Kristen Ciccarelli (@twocentsparrow) October 29, 2015