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I like life.

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This was a really busy– but ultimately really good– week for me.

Last week, I was (pre?) diagnosed with a sleep disorder– Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome, which sounds totally fake but isn’t. Basically, my circadian rhythm is off, which is why I stay awake so late (even with Ambien!) and then feel impossibly paralyzed in the mornings. I’m meeting with a specialized sleep psychologist next month, and in the meantime, I had blood work done to see if it’s safe for me to go back onto Risperdal. I took that tiny .5 mg (notice that is POINT-FIVE not FIVE mg) pill for eight years, and when I went off of it (maybe six months ago?), I’ve just gone haywire. I know that for most people, mornings are not fun. But, for me, they’ve been impossible. I don’t know how else to explain it.

My favorite kiddos came over on Saturday, and later I found a sweet note from the six year old. Allow me to translate: “Ava loves Jackie’s house.” Jak E with a backward J leaves you with cake. I like cake.

My editor was in the Twin Cities, so we hung out on Monday, brainstorming and discussing Salt Novel as well as writing and publishing in general and all the things we’ve been learning lately. It was wonderful! I left feeling energized to write and excited about my manuscript. Now to find more time …
The rest of the week consisted of therapy (yay), haircut (yay) and dye job (yay? see pics.), getting paid for the German translation of Truest (YAY), and ice cream with my bestie (major yay).

How about you? I can’t believe July is half over. Where is summer going? I’m ready for cooler temps (it’s been in the nineties in Minnesota and miserably humid, though the end of this week was better) but I’m not ready for the ruckus of fall recruitment quite yet.

Think of me as I sort out my sleep/novel/work/life.

Up/Down

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Hey peeps, hope you had a lovely Independence Day weekend! I sure did. I was able to rest and read, plus I put in lots of hours of writing.

I’ve had a lot of UPs lately:

I feel good about my novel outline. I’ve been enjoying writing and doing it regularly. Work is going great. I actually had an amazing and productive day yesterday that reminded me how much I love my job. My friends are so lovely, and so is my family. I had a heart-to-heart with my daddy. My coworkers are so fun and smart and terrific. My fingernails are a pretty pink.

I’ve had a couple DOWNs too:

There is a mouse somewhere in my house who is smarter than my EIGHT traps. There was a storm last night in which my city got three inches of rain in 45 minutes, and some of the rain found its way into my basement. I was not exactly loving homeownership last night, but thankfully, my roomie knew what to do. I have at least one morning each week where I wake up in a depressive funk that is unexplainable except for brain chemistry.

But that’s life, right? I’m feeling good and grateful, and I feel full of ideas and drive (usually) and feel like a sponge with all that I am learning (book research FTW!). I have a long way to go toward my ultimate goals (writing/health/work/etc.), but I’m on the road.

Wave as I drive past!

 

Melina Marchetta & the St. Sebastian’s Crew

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I just reread both these books for the umteenth time, and they are just as good (even better?) every time. When I read Melina Marchetta, I think, “Yes. Let my books be THIS.”

Jackie Lea Sommers's avatarJACKIE LEA SOMMERS

Look, friends. I know that by now you think I’m a professional Marchetta evangelist, but I HAVE TO BE. She is the best YA writer out there (six reasons I love her!), and if you’re not reading ALL THE MARCHETTA, your reading life has an abysmal hole in it that you need to fill.

Today I want to just pause for a moment to relish in the masterpieces that are Saving Francesca and The Piper’s Son. Every time I re-read one or the other, I come away thinking, Yes. This. This is what a perfect book looks like. No one does characters as well as Marchetta.

ST SEBASTIANS

In Saving Francesca, we first meet the crew. It’s the first year that St. Sebastian’s, a traditionally all-boys school, has admitted girls, and it’s not going well. Francesca is miserable … but as she goes through the year, her life is changed…

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THIS Book

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I keep reading, “You only know how to write the book you’re writing.” In other words, you might have written one or two or ten books before, but that doesn’t mean that you can follow the same formula for any other book. You just have to learn how to write THIS book, the current one.

I’m learning that is true. I’ve felt a little loosey-goosey trying to figure out how to write THIS book. I don’t usually outline, but with this book, I’ve written two or three separate outlines, a synopsis (maybe two pages), and I can’t seem to figure things out. Tonight I started to write a LONG, detailed synopsis, and I think it’s really going to help. I think it will help to show me where the pacing lags … but I’m also going to go through it and color-code it based on what characters/storyline it follows. The hope is that if I notice, “Oh gosh, there are like four purple chapters in a row and nary a sign of green,” that I can figure that out NOW before I go back and revise it.

I’m reading a couple good books about writing right now, including The Art of Slow Writing by Louise DeSalvo, and it’s like a balm. Sometimes it feels like this book is written SPECIFICALLY FOR ME. The other book I’m reading is The Forest for the Trees by Betsy Lerner, and I feel the same way about that one too. It talks so much about anxiety around writing, plus the relationship between editor and author. There was a whole chapter about addiction and mental illness, which just goes to show how strong the correlation between these things and creativity is. I sometimes tell people that I’d be an alcoholic if I took one drink … so I don’t.

Life is crazy, and the Minnesota summer is TOO HOT. But I finally feel like I’ve made good progress on thinking about this novel. THIS novel. 🙂

Writing Paralysis

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That’s hyperbole. A little bit.

I’ve been working on my story, but it’s a monumental effort every day to get to the manuscript.

I think I’m battling with fear, depression, and heat. It makes me want to sleep instead of write.

Doing everything I can to fight back: therapy, medication, air conditioning, encouragement from friends and family, grace, prayer.

Please don’t consider this whining. I don’t mean to complain. I just want to be honest.

Okay, I’m going to go write now. Thanks for reading. ❤

Things I Need for Success

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A week or so ago, I, the Queen of Lists, made another list: Things I Need for Success.

It was kind of long.

It includes things like more energy, mentoring, better scheduling, more time, and more money.

I realized that “more money” is only going to come from spending less, not making more, so I think I need to make a budget. I’ve used Mint in the past but never stuck to it. Does anyone have any tips for using Mint, budgeting in general, or another (free) program to help with this?

More time. We all get 24 hours a day (even Beyonce, as they say), which means that I need to shift my focus to better scheduling. I made a list of all the things I’d like to do every day— and it’s too long. What are things you do every day? How do you squeeze it all in? Do you use any technique or program to schedule your life?

Mentoring. Working on this through my workplace. They are all about this sort of thing.

Energy. I know this is going to come through better food, better sleep, more sleep, and exercise. However, this comes back to that whole “I need more time” problem. How do you fit these things in? Do you have any shortcuts you use? I need shortcuts. (P.S. I hate cooking.)

Well, enough of my rambling. I didn’t even realize when I started this post that it was mostly going to be soliciting advice from blog readers, but there you have it. Would love to hear your ideas!

The Mathematics of Writing

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On Thursday, I wrote for an hour.
On Friday, I wrote for an hour.
Today, I not only wrote for an hour but also spent a lot of time brainstorming, researching, plotting.

Theoretically, if I keep doing this enough times, I will fashion a novel.

I feel good. Tired. But very good.

So far, I have a rough draft of a new prologue and the start of a revised first chapter.

Not very far yet– but I trust the math.

Rhythm is a Dancer

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… and for a while now, I’ve not been invited to the dance.

That said, last night I wrote for a whole hour, and it felt SO GREAT. I remembered why I love being creative, love the hard work of it, the struggle to find the exact perfect word, the research and learning, the epiphanies (no matter how small).

I hope I can sustain some sort of rhythm. Right now I need TIME. There never seems to be enough hours in a day …

 

Why Is It So Difficult To Fight OCD?

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This is so well put! And I agree with Janet: as I sometimes say, “When the hell of OCD is worse than the hell of ERP, you’ll be ready.” The only thing harder than ERP was living daily life with OCD, which made the therapy worth it. Now that I am about eight years out from my life-changing ERP experience, it is harder and harder for me to remember why I ever avoided it. Every single thing in my life improved via exposure therapy; it is one of the single greatest decisions I’ve ever made in my life.

If you are thinking about ERP but too scared to start, it’s okay. It will be there and available for you when you realize the scale has tipped– and that life with OCD is worse than the treatment, which, though difficult, has years of evidence showing it brings freedom.

Janet (ocdtalk)'s avatarocdtalk

by stuart miles freedigitalphotos.net by stuart miles freedigitalphotos.net

I’ve previously written about recovery avoidance in reference to obsessive-compulsive disorder, where those who have OCD refuse to embrace proper treatment and fight their disorder. In general, recovery avoidance is attributed to two things: fear and incentive. All things being equal, a person will not seek recovery unless the incentive to get better is stronger than the fear of getting better. Those who are familiar with exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy know that the thought of engaging in this treatment can be terrifying to people with obsessive-compulsive disorder; they are being asked to face their worst fears and refrain from completing compulsions that they believe, on some level, keep their world “safe.”

For those of us without OCD, this is often difficult to understand. While many of us can relate to experiences where we have had to face our fears, dealing with OCD seems to…

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