How I Fall Asleep

can'tsleep3Obsessive-compulsive disorder.  If you can put two and two together, you probably realize that falling asleep is difficult for many of us with OCD.  Our minds won’t stop processing.  Sometimes I’d imagine that my roomie could hear my head from the next room over, churning like a coffee grinder as I rehashed the day, worried about tomorrow, and let my mind chase its own tail as I ruminated on unknowable concerns.

The same thing unfortunately happened on long car rides.

My solution for both was simple, though there’s no guarantee it will work for others.

Audiobooks.

Instead of trying to turn off my mind, I instead gave it something specific to think about, to dwell on, to follow: a story.

And not just any story, but a story I was already familiar with.  This was important because then I could fall asleep without worrying that I’d miss something.

I also take risperidone (can’t sleep without it!) and melatonin (to help me stay asleep through the night).

Anyone else have any clever ideas for falling asleep with OCD?

Related posts:
When Thinking Hurts
Amazing Audiobooks

My Conflict with Conflict

love hateI have a problem.  Sometimes when I read books, the conflicts the characters engage in make me absolutely irate or even sick to my stomach.  I want these lovely characters to get to enjoy themselves.

But then, when I read a book where the stakes are not high enough, where the conflict just isn’t present, I feel so cheated.

This tug-o’-war happens to me not only as a reader but as a writer too.  My writing group will tell you that one of my biggest faults is not including enough conflict for the characters.  (I just feel so bad for them!)  Thankfully, they force me to go back and raise the stakes.  Even I know that it is for the best.

Not to mention any thoughts on conflict in real life …

Related post:
Publishing Peace (and Conflict)

That Time Anne Lamott Responded to Me

Let’s be honest: this week has been hard.  Really hard.

Writing-wise.

I am writing a first draft, and it’s going horribly (as writing a first draft is wont to go), and I’m stumbling into evening after evening of soul-shaking, identity-questioning doubts about my writing abilities.

I’m a fraud.
I don’t know how to write a book.
I don’t have a second book in me.
My agent and editor and everyone else will discover that I’m just a one-book girl.

Goodreads hosted an event “Ask Anne Lamott” this past week, and just now, I have found the time to sift through her responses.  You need to know that Anne Lamott always seems to be speaking directly to my heart– we are both writers, Christians, and women who wildly, desperately need help– and so all of her responses to various reader-posed questions felt like balm.  This one, in fact, felt like validation:

Anne Lamott

“You have to be pretty lost and crazy” in writing fiction.  Yes, okay, I reassure myself.  This is just the way of things; this is The Way It Goes.

But then, there it was– an actual response to me.  Me!  Jackie Lea Sommers!

Anne Lamott to Me

“Short assignments, shitty first drafts, and just do it.”  Yes, thank you.  That is how my next novel will get written: day after day writing something bad, then making it less bad, then making it good, then making it great.  I’m in the bad stage right now, and that’s okay.

“You get to ask people for help.”  Yes, thank you.  I actually stopped in to my beloved writing professor’s office just yesterday to vocalize my fears, and she said that if I needed encouragement in the zen of writing or someone to commiserate with, I could just ask.  I will definitely be asking.  And then, last night, I met with [some, but not all, of] my writing group, women who let me vent about Penn and Maggie, my newest characters, and about their problems.  My group members listened and encouraged and offered suggestions, and it was lovely.  And I’m so terribly grateful for my beta readers too!

“And read a lot more poetry.”  I couldn’t agree more.  I think I’ll start with some Mary Oliver tonight.  I haven’t yet had a chance to crack open her latest, A Thousand Mornings.  Then Christian Wiman’s Every Riven Thing.  It sounds like respite.

Review: The Dream Thieves by Maggie Stiefvater

dream thievesThe Dream Thieves is book #2 of the Raven Cycle (click here to read my review of book #1, The Raven Boys).

Back with Blue and the boys.

This time, we learn more about Ronan Lynch.  The paranormal gets kicked up a notch.  We see less of Blue, more of Adam, though Blue does start to figure out what she wants.  Kavinsky is a maniac asshole, and I kind of love him (or maybe love to hate him … I’m writing this review only an hour after I finished the book, so I’m still not totally sure).  I fell more in love with Richard Campbell Gansey III.  Just saying.

There are lots of drugs.  And drag racing.  This totally would not be my kind of book except that Maggie Stiefvater can write and that I love-love-love these characters and their deep friendships, especially between the boys.

Ronan Lynch by Blalua on deviantArt

Ronan Lynch by Blalua on deviantArt

All that to say, I’m pumped for the third book in 2014!

Related posts:
Review: The Raven Boys
by Maggie Stiefvater

Review: The Scorpio Races
by Maggie Stiefvater

My Winter TBR List

First and foremost, I am excited for these books, which won’t be released until after the new year …

coming soon collage

As for books I can start immediately …

winter tbr collage 1

1. More Than This by Patrick Ness | I’m convinced Ness is a genius, and this one sounds like it might be his best yet!  From the description it seems to be about a boy named Seth who doesn’t know if he is alive or dead.  Yes.

2. OCD Love Story by Cory Ann Haydu | I need to read this for obvious reasons!

3. Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein | Historical fiction is not my first choice, but everyone tells me I have to read this one!  I’m personally hoping it will be along the lines of The Book Thief.

4. The Truth about Forever by Sarah Dessen | I’ve needed to read this one for a long time!

5. All Our Yesterdays by Cristin Terrill | More confusion.  Dual stories that might really only be one?  I’m in.

winter tbr collage 2

6. Red by Alison Cherry | Recommended by Melina Marchetta, so I say, “Yes, ma’am!”

7. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling | I’ve read this before, of course, but I won a gift card from Alison at Hardcovers & Heroines and bought the audiobook, and I’m pumped to listen to Jim Dale’s amazing performance of this, my second favorite of the series (after Deathly Hallows)!

8. Just One Day by Gayle Forman | Everyone in the blogosphere keeps talking about Just One Year, the companion book to this one, and since I haven’t read the first book yet, I keep skipping all those blog posts (too scared of spoilers!).  It’s time I dove into the world of Gayle Forman.  She’s the favorite author of some of my friends and I haven’t read anything by her yet!

9. My Bright Abyss by Christian Wiman.  The one non-fiction book on my list, I want to read this one slowly enough to chew and savor it.  I’ve read the first chapter of this book (from the library), and it was packed so full of meaning that I just knew I had to buy my own copy so that I could digest it slowly.

10. Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac by Gabrielle Zevin | Barnes & Noble had a blog post that listed this as a good book for fans of John Green.  I bought it and Me and Earl and the Dying Girl.  I’ve read the other two books on the list already!

Bonus: After I bought those two books, John Green mentioned on Facebook that they were great!

jg

P.S. I love the internet.

Jackie’s Holiday Book-Buying Guide

So, you want to support the book-lover in your life with an amazing literary Christmas gift– only you don’t know where to start?  Well, you’ve come to the right place!  Just identify your gift “target” in the left column and see what I suggest you purchase in the right.

holiday book buying guide

Didn’t see your target audience?  No problem!  Leave me a comment describing the person you’re buying for, and I’ll leave you my best suggestions!  (I mean this.  This is serious business, people: I’m all about getting amazing books into the right hands!)

Related posts:
My Book Recommendations

Review: Neal Shusterman’s Unwind Dystology (Thus Far)

Neal Shusterman is a genius.

There are four books in the Unwind dystology– the fourth and final installment is scheduled to be released fall 2014.

My question: how in the world am I gonna wait that long???

dystologyjpg

These are books that make you think.  They take place in the future, years after the Heartland War (between the Pro-Life and Pro-Choice movements).  The agreement that everyone has come to is this: abortion is illegal, but when your child is a teenager, you can choose to have him/her “unwound”– that is, every part of their body will be used for organ donation.  This is not seen as the equivalent of killing a teen because all of their parts are still technically alive; instead, they are “living in the divided state.”

Dystopian novels are not really my thing.  High-octane action and adventure?  Not really my thing.  I like my contemporaries with great characters and lots of emotional processing.

But these books?  Yes.  So good.

There’s so much to think about– and so many wonderful characters, the three primary characters being Connor, a would-be Unwind on the run; Risa, a state ward being unwound due to budget cuts; and Lev, a “tithe,” the tenth child of his religious family, who has been raised his whole life to believe that his unwinding will be a gift back to God.

Book one: awesome.  (Bonus: includes the most disturbing scene I’ve ever read in YA ever.)
Book two: even better. (Bonus: Miracolina.)
Book three: love this series. (Bonus: frenemies/rivals/awkward love triangle!)
Book four: can. not. wait.

Split Up by MiaSteingraeber on deviantArt

Split Up by MiaSteingraeber on deviantArt

Other series I love:
The Lumatere Chronicles
Chaos Walking Trilogy
The Chronicles of Narnia

Related post:
My Mixed Feelings on Book Series

Not Even the Rain

ahhhh, e.e. cummings at his finest!

ahhhh, e.e. cummings at his finest!

Flabbergasting.

I can remember my second year of college.  OCD was digesting my brain matter.  I was depressed.  I was so stressed that I’d make my jaw hurt so bad I’d need to hold a warm washcloth to it just to relax it.

For a class assignment, I re-read this poem.

And I started to sob.  It was that beautiful.

(You can read the entire thing here.)

Related posts:
i ♥ e.e. cummings