we can all do with a little more Billy Collins in our lives

Aristotle
by Billy Collins

This is the beginning.
Almost anything can happen.
This is where you find
the creation of light, a fish wriggling onto land,
the first word of Paradise Lost on an empty page.
Think of an egg, the letter A,
a woman ironing on a bare stage as the heavy curtain rises.
This is the very beginning.
The first-person narrator introduces himself,
tells us about his lineage.
The mezzo-soprano stands in the wings.
Here the climbers are studying a map
or pulling on their long woolen socks.
This is early on, years before the Ark, dawn.
The profile of an animal is being smeared
on the wall of a cave,
and you have not yet learned to crawl.
This is the opening, the gambit,
a pawn moving forward an inch.
This is your first night with her, your first night without her.
This is the first part
where the wheels begin to turn,
where the elevator begins its ascent,
before the doors lurch apart.

This is the middle.
Things have had time to get complicated,
messy, really. Nothing is simple anymore.
Cities have sprouted up along the rivers
teeming with people at cross-purposes –
a million schemes, a million wild looks.
Disappointment unsolders his knapsack
here and pitches his ragged tent.
This is the sticky part where the plot congeals,
where the action suddenly reverses
or swerves off in an outrageous direction.
Here the narrator devotes a long paragraph
to why Miriam does not want Edward’s child.
Someone hides a letter under a pillow.
Here the aria rises to a pitch,
a song of betrayal, salted with revenge.
And the climbing party is stuck on a ledge
halfway up the mountain.
This is the bridge, the painful modulation.
This is the thick of things.
So much is crowded into the middle –
the guitars of Spain, piles of ripe avocados,
Russian uniforms, noisy parties,
lakeside kisses, arguments heard through a wall
too much to name, too much to think about.

And this is the end,
the car running out of road,
the river losing its name in an ocean,
the long nose of the photographed horse
touching the white electronic line.
This is the colophon, the last elephant in the parade,
the empty wheelchair, and pigeons floating down in the evening.
Here the stage is littered with bodies,
the narrator leads the characters to their cells,
and the climbers are in their graves.
It is me hitting the period
and you closing the book.
It is Sylvia Plath in the kitchen
and St. Clement with an anchor around his neck.
This is the final bit
thinning away to nothing.
This is the end, according to Aristotle,
what we have all been waiting for,
what everything comes down to,
the destination we cannot help imagining,
a streak of light in the sky,
a hat on a peg, and outside the cabin, falling leaves.

 

triple bypass

It’s been almost one year since my dad underwent triple bypass surgery.  Just this weekend, we were reminiscing, saying, “Remember what June was like last year?”  Oh man.  It was not an easy month.  Or summer.

But the surgery was the worst part.

The evening before, people from church had joined our family in the hospital to pray for a successful surgery.  It was so strange to be gathered there, Dad perfectly normal, in good spirits although nervous, and thinking, Tomorrow our world could change.  We knew that Dad needed the surgery; but it is a terrifying thing to undergo.

Dad stayed alone in the hospital that night, but we were back at 5:30 in the morning, saying goodbye and that we’d see him after surgery.  Mom went with him into the OR.  Kristin fell apart as they wheeled him away; I did too (but not as much as Kristin– she’s the over-reactor of the family.  For example, when she learned Dad needed surgery, she cried and said, “I don’t even know what songs to have at his funeral!!!”  Oh Kristin.).  Kevin was pretty well put together.

 

Mom came back to the waiting room in a while (it was a nice waiting room, and we had a private area of it!), and then the waiting game started.  There was a computer, so you could see what part of the surgery they were doing at which time.  Eventually the nurse came in and told us that he was on bypass now.

Do you know what that means?  I didn’t.  It meant that my dad’s heart was not beating but that a machine was doing that work for him while they operated.  It struck me then how crazy this surgery was.

It was a long day.  A long wait.  We were all on edge.

But he came out of it just fine, and when we went to see him in the ICU, I saw him lying there, swollen, ashen, chest tubes coming out of him, draining blood, and I about passed out.  Was not expecting that.

He had a marvelous recovery.  It was tough on him and on my mom, but they did it together, and they are both rockstars.  After you have heart surgery, you have a lot you need to cough up, but they break your sternum for the surgery, so it HURTS.  A LOT.  My poor daddy was in so much pain.  The nurse said the more he walked, the better he would feel.  At first, Dad’s walks were from the family room, into the kitchen, and around the table.  Just that would completely exhaust him.  But he kept working on it because he’s dynamite.

And six months later, we were on rides at Disney World!!!!  Oh, and P.S. I could not keep up with my dad.

my family

I realize that I am incredibly blessed to be a Sommers girl.  I was born into an incredible family and, although it is not perfect, it is a forgiving and laidback and hilarious and interesting one.

My dad Tom is the Stat Man.  You would be shocked at how much information he can store in his head– it’s crazy.  He can literally memorize an entire Tuff Stuff guide, which should give you a clue to his hobby.  He collects sports cards, and his collection is really impressive.  Dad is the cutest man in the world, and everyone who knows him knows that if you get him talking about baseball cards, you’re in for a long conversation.  Even though I don’t personally have an interest in collecting cards, I enjoy hearing about my dad’s because of the way he lights up when discussing it.  It is the sweetest thing.  He loves our family so much, and he’s such a strong leader, and he’s so generous and SMART.

My mom Ronda is the best mom in the world.  She has just the right amount of– what’s the word?– butting in and backing off (although I think both my siblings would say she butts in too much, haha!).  I LOVE how laidback she is.  She is sooooooooo funny, and she’s so dedicated, and she loves the Lord so deeply and cares about us kids so much.

My sister Kristin is the queen of traditions.  Every holiday, she wants us to do exactly what we did the year before.  She has this incredible laugh that goes so wild that it actually is silent for awhile.  Kristin loves to read, and FINALLY, after YEARS of good suggestions, she is starting to trust my book advice.  I suggest a book or movie; she scoffs at it; then she reads or watches it and loves it; repeat.  Silly girl.

My brother Kevin is the charmer of our family.  He loves sports and people and is one of the most outgoing people I know!  Pretty much everyone loves Kevin.  He’s a solid, solid guy.  It’s been so fun to watch him mature over the years, and we are all missing him this summer while he works on the roads out near the North Dakota oil rigs.  He is SUCH a hard worker, and I admire him so much.

When we get together, our family usually ends up playing cards or singing raucous songs (or both).  We love to pick on each other, and we are really, really LOUD.  We all share a deep love for Jesus Christ, and that ties us together even more than our blood and our years of living together.  I have this memory from about five years ago: it was around Christmastime, and the five of us were driving around our little part of central Minnesota, looking at Christmas lights, and we had a soundtrack to a passion play on in the background.  Before long, we were all singing these songs about Christ’s death and resurrection, and I looked around at my family and thought, “This is special.  We all love God, and that doesn’t happen all the time.”

 

I love them.  Tomorrow I’m going to tell you about a tough time we went through together last summer.

An old one of us reading the Christmas story with Dad

last week

I meant to post last week; I really did!

But I was having the time of my life … I spent the week in Hudson, Wisconsin, in a tiny apartment above a garage.  It was quaint– just what I needed!

Every day, I would wake up, get ready for the day, and then get down to business: WRITING.  I spent probably 12+ hours a day working on the young adult novel I’m writing.  To some people, that sounds like a description of HELL.

But I loved it!  Writing is so energizing to me– and challenging and rewarding and spiritual.

I am very nearly finished with a new draft of my story.  Would you like to meet one of the characters?  His name is Silas.

Here’s a brief excerpt (West and Silas are partners for the summer doing car detailing):

Silas and I spent the rest of that week together, and I quickly determined that he was absolutely crazy—but the very best kind.  One morning he showed up at my house wearing an honest-to-goodness windbreaker suit straight out of the 90’s, purple, mint green, and what is best described as neon salmon.  I could feel the goofy grin on my face while Silas gathered our supplies from my garage.  “What?” he deadpanned.  “What are you staring at?”

I rolled my eyes but played along.  “Your windbreaker is just so …”

“Fetching?” he interjected.  “Voguish?  Swanky?”

“Hot,” I said.  “Just all out sexy.  Screw trends.  The 90’s neon just exudes sex appeal.”

“Well, I thought so myself.”

And after the sun was high in the sky and the pavement was heating up, he took off the windsuit, revealing shorts and a New Moon t-shirt beneath, Edward Cullen’s pale face dramatically screenprinted on the front.  “Vader’s competition,” he said, shrugged, and started vacuuming the floors of the Corolla left in our care.

He talked about the strangest things.  “Can you ever really prove anything?  How?” or “I read about this composer who said his abstract music went ‘to the brink’—that beyond it lay complete chaos.  What would that look like?  Complete chaos?” or “A group of moles is called a labor; a group of toads is called a knot.  Who comes up with this stuff?  It’s a bouquet of pheasants, a murder of crows, a storytelling of ravens, a lamentation of swans.  A lamentation of swans, West!”

We sat in the backseat of a dusty Saturn one afternoon, trading off the handheld vacuum as we talked—or rather, shouted—over its noise.  I ran the hand-vac over the back of the driver’s seat, while Silas said, “I used to think I was the only one with a crush on Emily Dickinson until a couple years ago.”

“You have a crush on Emily Dickinson?”

Durrrr.

“Did you just ‘durr’ me?  Is that like a ‘duh’?”

He nodded as I handed him the Dirt Devil.  “But then I read this Don Miller book that says it’s a rite of passage for any thinking American man.  I still wasn’t a hundred percent sure, but then I read this Billy Collins poem called ‘Taking Off Emily Dickinson’s Clothes.’”

Just the title made me blush.

Silas, unruffled, continued, “The end of it talks about how he could hear her inhale and sigh when he undid the top fastener of her corset, ‘the way some readers sigh when they realize/that Hope has feathers,/that reason is a plank,/that life is a loaded gun/that looks right at you with a yellow eye.’”

Silas sighed unhappily.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I finally made it into the backseat with a girl,” Silas cracked, looking hard at the Dirt Devil.  “This is not all I was hoping it would be.”

I slugged him in the arm while his wry smile gave way to laughter.

Any thoughts?

collections

I just love beautiful images.  Since I have about a million saved on my computer (gathered from around the internet), I thought I’d show you some!  Which is your favorite?

summer camp

It’s going to be a strange summer for me, folks, and now that June is here, it is starting to hit me!

Get this: I have spent time at Pine Haven Christian Assembly every summer since 1990, but I will not be there this summer.

Yeah.  Weird.

I grew up going to PHCA , starting the summer before fourth grade.  It took me under a week to acknowledge that this sacred patch of land in northern Minnesota was my new favorite place in the world.  I attended every year, including the year after high school graduation, and I could not have loved this camp any more than I did.  When I went off to college, I gave a speech on Pine Haven in my communications class.  I even wrote a sonnet (the only sonnet I have every written) about the cabin I always stayed in.

After my freshman year of college, I returned to Pine Haven, this time as a volunteer counselor, which was even BETTER than being a camper!  I met some of my very best friends at this camp (Eir, Ashley, Whitney, Dora) and have dragged other friends (Megs, Desiree) along with me to counsel.  Years of experiences and inside jokes at that delightful campground have knit our stories together.

This weekend, two of our camp friends got married, and I attended the wedding, held in Rochester, MN.  The ceremony and reception were like a giant camp reunion, and I LOVED IT.  It was so good for my heart to be surrounded by these people I love.  What an incredible thing to share so many memories and experiences with a group of people.

B’Dewayne McGirr Experiment, the Mavericks, the Killa Killas … so many great teams, so many great leaders, so many great friends.  I have watched people meet at this camp, fall in love, get married.  I have watched best friends ally themselves, friends who would be connected for years.  We can’t escape each other.  I wouldn’t want to.

I will miss you guys this summer.  Lots.