The ferocious eyes of the rescuer
possess this wildest secret:
the weapon of victory in his fist
is simply death, his own.
The Rescuer, a short poem
2
take me there
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how to offend a book lover
Books matter to me. So, so much.
So when my friend, who is halfway through The Book Thief, asked, “Now, who is Rudy again?” I about died.
Now, I deeply love this friend; she is brilliant and fun and cares so much about people and justice and mercy. But come on. Who is RUDY? WHO IS RUDY STEINER??! Why are you reading this book if you can’t remember one of the MAIN CHARACTERS?!!! Where is the RESPECT?
Okay, done ranting. I think.
I am not this way with all books– but there are certain, choice stories where I am quite literally offended if a friend doesn’t like them, almost as if I were the author. When my friend Jessica read Narnia for the first time, I was upfront with her: “Please tell me you liked them. I will actually be offended if you didn’t.” She did. Phew.
When my roommate told me that The Fault in Our Stars was “good, but not great,” I didn’t want to throw her off a cliff or anything. When my sister couldn’t get into The Sky is Everywhere, I didn’t want to disown her. I don’t have to worry about what I’d do to someone who didn’t like Stargirl because I have never met such a fool.
But The Chronicles of Narnia, The Book Thief, Peace Like a River … do not disrespect these stories.
Or else feel my wrath. 🙂
chiseling away at OCD
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on the connection between reader and writer
“The best work is done with the heart breaking, or overflowing.”
Mignon McLaughlin, journalist and author (1913-1983)“No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise in the writer, no surprise in the reader.”
Robert Frost, poet (1874-1963)
These quotes, which I have long loved, are moving from head knowledge to reality in my life. Allow me to explain.
Draft one of Truest was written ferociously in a period of six months. It was a typical first draft– write the easy parts, skim over (or completely ignore) the hard parts– and that is fine with me. I am the kind of person who needs to write about seventeen drafts before it’s ready for the public. I had a few friends read it, most of whom enjoyed it and made important recommendations (a special thank you to Kristin Luehr, who changed the whole course of the novel).
The next draft was hard. It absolutely, completely broke my heart. Ask my roommate. For a period of about a week I was despondent, and for about three days in a row, I could not stop weeping. Desiree would ask about my day, and I would just start to sob and say to her, “I don’t know what to do for them [Silas and West, my characters]. My heart is broken in two, and I’m stuck. I don’t know how to fix the problem that I have gotten them into.”
I was depressed, grieving, and at a loss for what to do next. My friend Kristin swept in again (she is a hero!) and reminded me that my characters lived in a world where Christ existed. After that, the story’s ending started to fall into place.
When I had friends read this draft, most of them reported that they cried. I will have to investigate further, but my expectation is that since my own heart was torn in two as I wrote, all that pain was able to flow out of it freely and unhindered and land directly in the pages of my story.
So yes, McLaughlin. Yes, Frost. I believe you now. I really do.
OCD shared experiences
Last Wednesday, I was interviewed about my OCD in front of a group of around 100 students at the college where I work. It was such a blessing to be able to share with them. We talked about wanting to keep OCD a secret, about how OCD affected my relationships, about cognitive-behavioral therapy, about how long it took for me to find relief.
Afterward, I had a small group of students who hung around to ask questions and to connect with me. One girl was crying, telling me her older sister had OCD and she hoped that her sister could “come as far” as I had. Another told me that she had never had the chance to meet someone who struggled the same way as she did. Another asked some great, probing questions about CBT. Two days later, I had a mom email me and tell me that her daughter had come to my chapel talk and told her how great it was to hear from someone else who’d been diagnosed with scrupolosity. I’ve scheduled or am scheduling several coffee dates with these newfound obsessive-compulsive friends.
The mom wrote:
I could tell it meant a lot to her the other night to hear that someone she knows, and is successful and enjoying her career, and has remained faithful amidst all the doubts scrupulosity brings is living an abundant life. You are the first person she’s met that truly struggles as she does; someone who understands better than any councelor or psychologist or psychiatrist OR MOM WHO HAD READ EVERY BOOK SHE CAN GET HER HANDS ON TO HELP HER DAUGHTER.
It’s sad, but it’s also true. No one really gets an obsessive-compulsive like another obsessive-compulsive. I am so grateful for every opportunity I have to connect with someone else who GETS IT. We haved lived a nightmare together– while others only hear about it second-hand. OCs truly share a unique experience of pain, struggle, and attack.
I hope that these new OCs I’ve connected with will also one day share my story of victory. Please Jesus.
Books I Gave Up On
Books:
Flowers for Algernon … I tried reading it twice, and both times I couldn’t persuade myself to finish. I think it’s Charlie’s changing personality. I just lose interest in the book at the same point. I’m not sure if I’m going to give it a third try or not.
The Forgotten Garden … just could not get into it. Slow-going on the front end.
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius … I was super into this one at the very beginning; in fact, I was full of writer’s envy, even though Eggers is maybe a tad pretentious. But in the end, I just let this one fade for me, didn’t find time to finish it. It has been on my nightstand for about 2-3 years now. Should I start over?
Series:
Hush, Hush series … just didn’t seem grounded enough, didn’t know the characters well enough.
The Hunger Games … the author didn’t use “who” and “whom” properly, which drove me crazy, and I just wasn’t interested in the premise of the stories.
Shiver series … I actually kind of liked the first book of this series, but I didn’t feel like I got to know the characters well enough, and the holes in the premise of the heat/cold changing the werewolves were too gaping.
What do you think? Am I missing out? Are there books to which you think I need to give a second (or third) chance?
books books books
Just finished …
The Narnian by Alan Jacobs | This is a biography of the life and creativity of C.S. Lewis (my favorite!), and while it didn’t have as much Narnia in it as the title would suggest, it was still a fascinating read. It was interesting to hear the timeline of the books– I have read quite a lot of Jack Lewis’s books, but I guess I’ve never really thought about at what time of his life they were written. Did you know the Narnia series came much later on, toward his life’s end? Those seven books have so deeply influenced my spiritual life; I couldn’t quit thinking about what would have happened if he’d died before they were written. I mean, of course, we would have never known. But it gave me this strange existential feeling to wonder what other books haven’t been finished because of early deaths, etc. Sigh. I trust God’s will. Anyway, the other thing that was interesting to hear about was the answer to a question I have had for a long time about Jack’s marriage to Joy. She was a divorced woman, and I always wondered what Lewis thought of that, as a man of the Word. Interestingly, since Joy was divorced from a man who had previously been divorced, Lewis didn’t consider that Joy’s marriage had been legitimate (and therefore, her divorce had been null too). What a fascinating man. I loved him even more after reading this book.
Unwind by Neal Shusterman | This YA book was absolutely fascinating and thought-provoking in a GREAT way. The novel takes place in the future, after the Heartland War, a fictional war between pro-lifers and pro-choicers. After the Heartland War, it was determined that abortion was illegal, but instead, children would be raised, and between ages 13-18, parents could choose if they wanted to have the child “unwound”– their bodies dissected and ALL organs given for transplant (so, technically, the child never died, since no body part died). This story is about three unwinds– Connor, a troublesome kid whose parents are fed up; Risa, a ward of the state who didn’t show enough talent; and Lev, a tithe, the tenth child of a religious family. The author did a great job of making you think of both sides of the debate. It was fascinating, shocking, and gruesome. In fact, it included the most disturbing scene I’d read since A Clockwork Orange. Loved this book, which is the first in a series that I intend to pursue.
Quintana of Charyn by Melina Marchetta | My most-anticipated book of 2012! I was so eager to read this book (the final book of the Lumatere Chronicles trilogy) that I ordered an Aussie copy rather than wait for the March 2013 US release date. I loved it– but not as much as the first two books (Finnikin of the Rock and Froi of the Exiles). The writing was masterful (as always), and I deeply cared for the characters, who are real and flawed and passionate. The thing that was hard for me was that I really enjoyed the interactions in book #2 between Froi and Quintana, and in this third book, they are separated, so I missed that. A lot. Otherwise, I really enjoyed this book, plowing through it. As far as I’m concerned, Marchetta can’t write a bad book. I’m already thrilled for her to put something else out. Patience, grasshoppah.
Meditations by Rene Descartes | As research for my YA book, Truest, I have been researching Descartes and his dream argument, reading from biographies and books that summarize his positions/thoughts, but– although I was understanding things– I still felt outside of his ideas. I decided to just bite the bullet and climb inside of them. Reading Meditations reminded me of my writing theory and ethics class in college, where I would just try to catch the thesis amidst all the verbiage. I can tell that I’m growing because this book was easier for me to understand. I will say that I am not used to having to re-read something to understand it; it was a long-forgotten experience from undergrad that I had to dig up while reading this. All said, it is fascinating. It is essentially Descartes’s proof that God exists, so … no small task.
A few late reviews …
The Time-Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger | I decided to read this after I’d read and enjoyed Her Fearful Symmetry, and I wasn’t disappointed. Niffenegger manages to weave an incredible tale of time travel (which is pretty much always interesting, if done well), love, and romance. I can see why she was offered a ton of money for a second book after this one, which is essentially the love story betweeen Clare and Henry– Henry, who hops back and forth from real time to the past and to the future.
Stolen by Lucy Christopher | A super interesting book about 16-year-old Gemma, who is abducted at the airport– but whose abductor is kind, gentle, loving, although kinda crazy. It’s an interesting twist on the kidnapping story: what happens when the kidnapper is not exactly the bad guy?
Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick | First book in a series that I didn’t continue. This is the story of a fallen angel loving a regular teenaged girl. To me, it was average paranormal romance (which is not exactly my favorite genre in the first place).
Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater | Another paranormal romance, another series I discontinued after book one. This time the regular teenaged girl is in love with a werewolf named Sam. (What does it mean if a book makes you think that Twilight is good and original?)
Big Sur by Jack Kerouac | Wow. Wowowowow. This is Kerouac’s account of his time spent at a cabin in Big Sur, where he is deteriorating mentally and physically from alcohol. This was maybe the scariest account of alcoholism I’ve ever read … also fascinating. Eye-opening. A very good read.
The Road by Cormac McCarthy | When my former co-worker Kyle read this book four times in a row, I figured I’d better get my own copy. A riveting but horrifying story about a father and son in post-apocolyptic America.
Al Capone Does My Shirts by Gennifer Choldenko | An interesting children’s story about a family growing up on Alcatraz Island. The sister has autism, but the story is set in a time when very, very little was known about the autism spectrum. Very interesting, very well-written children’s book!
Currently reading …
The Map of Time by Felix J. Palma
The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis (yes, again— I’ve decided that, starting January 1st, I’m going to track my Narnia reading for a year!)
Up next …
The Casual Vacancy by Jo Rowling
Everyday by David Levithan
Any suggestions? I also recently purchased Divergent by Veronica Roth but haven’t brought myself to start it yet.
Date a Girl Who Writes
Recently, I posted Rosemarie Urquico’s marvelous essay entitled “Date a Girl Who Reads.”
This is meant to be its companion essay, written by yours truly, Jackie Lea Sommers, entitled “Date a Girl Who Writes.” Enjoy!
Date a girl who writes.
You know the type—she’s the one in the corner booth with her earphones in, battering the laptop keys to high heaven. The one who, despite appearances, is not really in the restaurant at all, but in a world of her own making, or else with one foot in and the rest of her looking up a synonym for blue and debating whether the sky is more of a cobalt or an indigo.
A girl who writes can take you on a date to Venus and have you back in time for dessert. Five minutes with her, and she will usher you through the gates of philosophy and religion and metaphysics. She’ll make an explorer out of you. You’ll need to run to catch up.
Creativity rolls off her in waves. She can think of beautiful ideas and make them real. She is quirky, fun, witty, and wise. She notices everything, and all of it matters to her. Can’t you see her eyes flickering from the old couple playing cards in the corner to the whipped cream melting into her cocoa? She also just memorized every detail of your sigh, and now she is thinking of the name of an obscure artist and of the waitress’s accent.
Date a girl who writes because she is observant and smart, and what is sexier than an incredible vocabulary? Think of how many different ways she’ll be able to tell you she loves you.
Writers are quirky, strange, fascinating people. You will never be bored if you date a writer. In fact, your life with her will be a wild adventure. The highs will be a pleasure, and the lows will remind you that you are alive and that truth and excellence matter.
Date a girl who writes. She’s funny, a storyteller; people are drawn to her at parties. But you’ll be the one who brought her, and think how proud you’ll be! Every interesting thing you do or say will go immediately into her notebook and crop up somewhere in the future—a lasting posterity. You’ll never have to buy a cheesy greeting card again. All you’ll need to do is write a heartfelt message; she prefers when things don’t rhyme.
While it’s true that sometimes it will seem you’re taking the backseat to people and situations that aren’t real, she still loves you. If you want to bring her back to where you are, wrap your arms around her and ask about her draft. Ask questions and listen carefully to her answers. If you help her out of her writing rut, trust me, she’ll reward you.
Date a girl who writes because she knows that the best stories make you laugh and cry, and so your romance will be infused with amusement and passion, jokes and joy. She makes the connections you can’t, looks for lessons in life, makes sense of the chaos.
If you date a girl who writes, you can be confident that she will work at your relationship—she is used to second, third, and seventeenth drafts without giving up. She willingly returns to conflict day after day. She won’t leave when you fight—she knows the climax comes before the denouement.
Bring your A-game. Remember that she has probably already dreamed up the most incredible Prince Charming, one who is tall and has gray eyes, irrational fears, strong arms, and a twisted sense of humor. If you want to compete with her protagonist, you’re going to have to step it up.
It will be worth it.
Because when you date a girl who writes, the two of you will happen to life and not the other way around. She will teach you how to make a moment extraordinary, how to appreciate this beautiful world spreading its arms to you both in majestic invitation.
uncertainty
I spent last weekend with my incredible friend Cindy, whom I know from Northwestern. Cindy went to law school at Georgetown and now lives and works in Washington, DC, and she was kind enough to take the Amtrak to Boston to spend the weekend with me. So, so good.
We did lots of fun stuff, but to be honest, some of the best parts of the weekend were just all the wonderful conversations. You have to understand that Cindy is 100% brilliant, and you can talk to her about absolutely anything, and she has all this valuable insight. One night, we ate a late dinner at the Cactus Club (where, btw, I had the most incredible chicken and avocado quesadillas), and we got to talking about Rene Descartes (since I had begun his book Meditations on the flight out to Boston and because he is playing quite a significant role in my YA book) and about his dream argument and the way he was establishing universal doubt. It led to a great conversation on uncertainty and how healthy it actually is (in fact, it was the key to my therapy!).
Cindy and I talked about how certain statements and discussions used to jar us in regard to faith, but how as we got older, we both reached a point where we decided, “Look, I am committed to this Christianity thing. I think it is true, even though I can’t really know that. But I’m not going to be swayed by every new scientist and fact and detail and argument that arises. I’ve made a choice and I’m sticking with Christ regardless.”
I’d like to hear what you think about this. My assumption is that different ages will have different reactions.
Not to go all Narnia-nerd on you (but let’s be honest, I can’t always help it), but I told Cindy it reminded me a lot of Puddleglum the Marshwiggle in The Silver Chair. Are you familiar? Let me set the scene for you.
Puddleglum and friends are in the Underworld, and the evil Queen of Underworld is strumming her magical guitar and has tossed some sweet-smelling something-or-another into the fire, and the marshwiggle and his friends are falling under her spell as she tries to convince them that there is no Overworld.
“But we’ve seen the sun!” they argue. The queen asks what a sun is, and they describe it as very large, very bright lamp.
“You’ve seen my lamp,” she contradicts, “and so you imagine a bigger and better one and call it a sun.” The same argument is repeated when they bring up Aslan. “You’ve seen a cat,” she said, “and you imagine a bigger and better one and call it a lion.”
But Puddleglum puts his foot into the fire, shocking him into clarity, and he essentially says, “It’s sad that if you’re right, we’ve still managed to make a play, fake world that licks your real world hollow.” Then he goes on to say, “I’m going to live like a Narnian, even if there isn’t any Narnia. I’m going to serve Aslan, even if there isn’t any Aslan.”
Cindy and I feel the same way about Christianity. Now, don’t get me wrong: I believe Christianity is real, and I believe Christ is real and is alive today and is working in my life. But I will allow for doubt. Uncertainty in certain dosages can be very healthy, and I have made a choice to serve Jesus Christ, no matter what.
Thoughts?
JACKIE LEA SOMMERS 