I was very kind to myself today.

I wore sweatpants, took a long nap, ate chocolate, watched Harry Potter.

I’ve been terribly stressed lately. I really can’t say I recommend closing on a house and starting renovations at the same time your first draft is due to your editor. Just saying.

When I get really stressed– as in, very stressed, not just my regular run-of-the-mill stressed– my body starts to shut down. Sometimes I get really weird inflammations– like the inside of my mouth or the tissues around my eyes. When this happens, I know I’ve got to find a way to chill out.

Hence all the self-care today.

I’m in a tough spot with my first draft. I love the characters. I have a beginning, middle, and an end. I know those are both very good things. But I also get very overwhelmed by how much more there is to do. I know that many scenes are in the wrong places; I know that my transitions are awkward at best and nonexistent at worst.

It needs work. Literal work. It requires hours of butt in seat, hands on keyboard. I need to show up.

But I’m exhausted. And I need to believe in the magic of the creative process again.

I know– KNOW– that it works. That writing, feedback, revision, repeat is the key– and that if I do it enough times, something special will happen. I’ve seen it happen. But there’s this little element of doubt that niggles into my mind: what if it doesn’t work this time?

Doesn’t matter, right? I’m still going to write.

That makes sense to me too. But I’m still allowing myself to get caught beneath the waves of doubt and stress.

I will say that I feel better and stronger and less afraid than I did back in October. Then I was having nervous breakdowns left and right. I was also writing a different book. I had about 65k words of Ardor Valor Splendor written when I started my meltdown routine. And now, here I am with 62k words of Mill City Heroes written, and I’m starting to hit the same wall. Maybe this is a pattern for me? Maybe the end of the first draft is the worst part for me. I’m a new novelist. I’m still learning these things.

At the end of this month, I’ll turn in my draft to my editor, who– by the way– has seen nothing of this new project yet. She’s the sweetest, loveliest, most amazing editor in the world, but I’m still scared. She’s never seen anything this messy of mine before. She tells me that’s okay, that we’ll make it perfect. But I still worry.

I am, of course, a recovering perfectionist. And still desperately trying to trust that creative process. Write, feedback, revise, repeat. I can do this.

Tomorrow.

🙂

I think I may have inadvertently intimidated some of you with my last survey. Oops!

If you’re interested in joining the Truest Street Team, all I need is your name and contact info, which you can supply here.

It’s simple.
Your role: be excited about Truest, an “evangelist” for it! Talk about it, recommend it, write a review, etc.
Your incentive: a bunch of really fun free Truest-related stuff!

I hope you’ll consider it!

Okay, friends, let me tell you about the Truest Street Team.

What is a street team? Oh, you know, a group of dedicated friends and fans who “hit the streets” (mostly social media) to promote Truest. Street team members will be die-hard evangelists for the book, share quotes and art on social media, write a review and post it on your blog, Goodreads, Amazon, BN, etc., recommend the book to other readers.

What’s in it for you? SWAG, including two exclusive scenes that don’t appear in the story, a poster, and a bunch of fun promo items (some that only make sense if you’ve read the book!). I’ve thought very creatively about my incentives, and I admit: they’re awesome. Really.

If you’re interested, fill out this form: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/CT9GLZ3

About 15-20 people will be selected.

Most importantly, thanks for caring about me and my writing. You are wonderful people.

The biggest news of my month: I bought a house!

Well, more accurately, I’m buying a house. The offer has been accepted, and I close at the end of April! It’s a 2-bedroom, 3-bathroom townhome with a basement that I’m going to turn into an office/library. I’m so excited– nervous too! I’m a first-time homebuyer, and I know I have a lot to learn.

On the Truest front, I finished my final(ish) edits to the manuscript with minimal panic and got my ARC (advance review copy) in the mail!

In Mill City Heroes news, I kicked butt and took names this month. I put in countless hours of work on my next manuscript as I work toward my first-draft deadline at the end of April. Eir and I went on an adventure day in Minneapolis (i.e. Mill City) as part of my “research.” It was delightful!

This might seem silly to you all, but I feel really proud that I’m reading a lot so far in 2015. As you know, I love to read– but this year, I’m making it even more of a priority, looking on reading as part of my job as an author. I’ve been trying to set aside one night each week just for reading, in addition to spending about an hour reading each other night. It feels good. Really good.

How was your March? What are you looking forward to in April?