I’m so overwhelmed. Not necessarily a bad thing. Being in an uncomfortable space, learning hard things, being unsettled… This helps me grow. But it is overwhelming.
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I’ve been watching @huntersonprime. It is blowing my mind. I can only manage two episodes a day because it makes me think and feel so many things.
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Then, in listening to the @cities_arts podcast and hearing the Hebrew phrase “tikkun olam,” literally “repair of the world, ” as a vocation of God’s people… Very powerful, especially in combination with watching Hunters.
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It is devastating to see the hatred that fuels genocide still so alive and well in the world. It is devastating to relearn history (#OperationPaperclip) and fear we’ve learned nothing. It is devastating to feel powerless.
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But I am not powerless. I have a voice and compassion and courage. I have a calling. I have choices. God, give me strength to repair the world.
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#blog #writer #writing #writinglife #author #writersofinstagram #courageovercomfort #courage #enneagram4 #enneagram4w3 #4w3 #cultivatewhatmatters #2020goals #ambition #JesuJuva2020 #radicalacceptance #tikkunolam #fighthatred #antiracism #givemestrength

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I resonated with what @drjoshuawolrich wrote earlier this week about why he so often posts selfies. Because they’re easy image content and the writing is what is important to him. Same for me.
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Usually. Sometimes I’m impressed with my eye makeup.
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But yeah, selfies are fast photo content and allow me to spend my time and energy with the words.
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I will say that as someone who has struggled with body image, posting selfies can also be therapeutic. And I’ve also been trying to post “undone” selfies too, because vulnerability is more important to me than perception. (That’s why I have a highlight reel on insta called “imperfect.” It’s critical to me that I not let my social media become a way to hide the hard things.)
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Anyway, here’s another selfie. I’m so glad to be home after four days of dog-sitting in my parents’ house. As a child I never felt unsafe there in the farmhouse out in the quiet countryside. As an adult who has watched far too many crime shows, I felt like it was the perfect location for a murder that would never be solved.
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Home now. 😁
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I was inspired by @bymariandrew and spent time really thinking through this. It is a mix of what I believe possible and what I am reaching for. Every word is tremendously intentional. The one I struggled with was “compassion” because I am trying to find a gentle, positive word specifically for kindness to self. Most words I found had negative connotations: selfish, indulgent, vanity, self-serving. I want the word where you indulge yourself in gentle abundance. Ideas? .
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I need to wear this sign around my neck, post it on my social media, leave it as my out-of-office reply. I dislike saying no to dear friends (I love saying no to most others, ha!). I love that I get to advocate for students right now, but I hate making them wait. I love having so many projects on the horizon, but it’s hard to keep all the plates spinning. It feels like I have so many items that are about 50% done and NO items at 100% done.
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I want to enjoy the productivity, not wallow in the stress. Please know that I am working my way out. ❤️ #blog

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The sun came up today. Mercies are new. It’s a brand new day ready to fill with pages and mistakes. (Hint: that’s a good thing!)
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A few photos to illustrate my week (swipe left). Sad and funky for no reason. Then again, I have this ginormous bruise on my stomach and the Knot of Wrath & Vitriol  in my back, so maybe that’s why I’m sad and funky?
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I was three for three on doctor appts this week, despite having canceled one of them about six times in the months leading up to now. It was part of my 2020 goals. Slammed a bunch into one day. The worst part was being weighed. Well, and feeling like I wasn’t being heard. (Don’t worry, I made sure I was!) Turns out bodies are complicated. I already knew this. Sometimes I welcome the reminder; sometimes it just makes me want to scream.
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It’s Friday night, the best part of the week, and I’m lying in bed, wondering if it’s inevitable that I just Cry It Out.
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One beautiful thing I have learned is that I WON’T ALWAYS FEEL THIS WAY. Took a long time to recognize and kill that lie. I relish in knowing the truth.
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Sorry it if feels like venting. For me, it’s important that I tell the truth on my social media. I’m sometimes (very) sad. I’m sometimes lonely. I’m often in pain. I know tomorrow almost always brings light and perspective. Hugs to all!
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#blog #spoontheory #enneagram4 #enneagram4w3 #4w3 #spoonielife #spoontheory #chronicfatigue #chronicillness #ocdsurvivor #SelfCare #itsoktobesad #joyvomesinthemorning

I often spend my birthday considering all the things I didn’t achieve in the previous year, but not at 38. I told myself this year I would celebrate all I did accomplish, the ways I grew, the things I learned.
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I reclaimed my identity as a writer. I sat with shame and insecurity until lies started to reveal themselves. Beneath the bandages I found a badass woman. I revised approximately twenty chapters of my novel. 📝
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I did less public speaking than usual, but what I did was meaningful and impactful and usually on topics of leadership and identity. I also gave financial aid presentations that made people laugh.
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I made a lot of keto meals. 🍳
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I attended therapy almost weekly, investing in myself and in becoming the most self aware, empathetic version of myself. I cried a lot of tears in that office, but I also confronted lies about inadequacy, shame, fear.
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I survived online dating, which is a messy, emotional, and sometimes cruel and gross experience. I never settled in my continued search for a hero.
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I took kids to Justice, the movies, to the bookstore.
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I was, on at least two separate occasions, spontaneous. 😂
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I did my very best to fully listen to every high schooler and college student I met with and to lean on my intuition for when to share my own story or a few words I felt they needed to hear.
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I gave money to causes I care about. I spoke my heart even when there was backlash. I defended underdogs. I reminded women of their worth.
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I did not let people talk down to me.
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I survived an HOA construction project as well as one in my own home. It felt like an elephant stood on my chest for over eight months, but I made it. 🐘
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I found rest and comfort and a fire for justice and mercy in the gospel.
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I practiced compassion as best I could. I am still learning.
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I read great books. 📚
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I got incredible sleep thanks to a life changing CPAP machine. 😴
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I received the incredibly overwhelming love and kindness of friends and family. I hope my friends feel their hearts are as safe with me as I feel mine is with them. ❤️
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That was 37. Here’s to 38. I invite growth, challenge, wisdom, compassion and empathy, fire and fight.
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Allow me to share a few excellent books on writing craft/writing life.

The Hero is You by Kendra Levin was life-changing for me; it is having a therapist/life coach/writing mentor walking beside you through artistic trauma and stagnancy.
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The Emotional Craft of Fiction by Donald Maas is an in-the-trenches look at what makes fiction work. I felt *enlightened* reading this one.
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Annie Dillard’s The Writing Life is a classic. (As is Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott, which seems to have wandered off my shelves.)
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The War of Art is a diatribe against resistance in the writing life. It challenged me. The Art of Slow Writing by Louise de Salvo is a patient reminder that making beautiful things out of words takes time.
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The Anatomy of Story by John Truby is fascinating: it helped me examine the story I was building from the inside out. Anatomy indeed.
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Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg is another classic. I revisited it recently and it gave me the same zing of excitement about writing that it did when I first read it in college.
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Save the Cat by Blake Snyder is the first book that’s given me a plot formula that is loose enough to *not* be formulaic. My WIP is benefitting hugely from this book. .
There are so many other good ones. Which ones do you suggest? Do any of these sound like books you need at this season of your craft?
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The hypocrisy of the church is a deep wound. As @stephenmattson__author pointed out to me during the incredible popularity of the worship song “Oceans,” Christians could sing about keeping their eyes above the waves… While refugee families were risking everything and drowning in the Mediterranean.
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“no one leaves home unless
home is the mouth of a shark”… Go read the whole poem by @wu_shire please.
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2020 is an election year, and I intend to be bold about the gospel-directed reasons why I will vote Democrat. If you have ears to hear, I hope you’ll listen.
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#blog #election2020 #gospeldirectedvoting

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