The State of the Blogger

My admissions team just hosted 200 high school students for an overnight visit event.  It’s a wonderful event, and the students have a great time.  It’s probably our most fun event of the year: games and worship and chapel and classes and tours and lots of good food!

But for an introvert, it’s a type of annihilation.

I spent most of today sleeping.  My battery was on less than empty, and I needed today to recharge.

So tonight I had a bowl of Lucky Charms, took a hot shower, slapped on some Valor essential oil, and prayed.  Lately, I feel a sense of being held together only when I am in prayer or writing a letter to my future, calmer, more-accomplished self through FutureMe.org.

I’m reading Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein, and it’s so amazing that it makes me feel like I write drivel.

My to-be-read list is out of control.

What should I read next???

What should I read next???

I chose to watch the final episode of season 3 of Downton Abbey tonight.  No spoilers, but UGH.

My next draft is due March 24th, and I need to find a rhythm.  I made myself a three-step to-do list tonight, which sounds easy enough, but each step is flabbergastingly huge and one is nearly inconceivable.  Writing is so hard.

I wish I could just push pause on life for a few months– to catch up on sleep, to catch up on reading, to learn to be a better writer.  But I am trying to have faith: I will find a rhythm, butt-in-seat will mean a better manuscript a month from now, and God will not abandon me or our book.

I think I need some chocolate milk.  That’s step zero.  Then I dive back in.

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7 thoughts on “The State of the Blogger

  1. Argh!
    I wrote such a great comment, and it went away.
    What I meant to say is this:

    don’t beat yourself up over so many books to read.
    And maybe put some aside,
    or not buy new ones yet.
    I just took a bunch back to the library that I didn’t read.
    It was intimidating looking at that huge pile.
    It’s harder in YA.
    The books are longer!

    You’re going a great job!
    Keep up the good work!

    And yeah, Code Name Verity.
    when I read a killer book, I just think,
    “I want my writing to be killer too.”
    And we can make that happen.
    With a TON of revision. 🙂

    • I want my writing to be killer too. I get nervous that it’s not POSSIBLE for my writing to be that good, that no matter how hard I work, I just won’t have it in me.

      I think that’s foolish to think that way, and a fearful response. I try to swallow the fear and just get back to revisions.

      But it’s still hard and scary.

      • I think we all see killer writing like CNV and think writing that way is the only way to achieve our goals. I know I often overlook how meaningful good enough can be. I have a pretty solid bell curve in my goodreads ratings and although I would love to replace some of those 2 & 1 star books with 4 & 5 I feel good about all the three stars. Sometimes I don’t need a book to have all the feels, I just need it to have the right feels at the right time. Does that make sense?

        I follow a book vlogger (a.k.a. book-tuber) who loves The Iliad and The Things They Carried and other amazing books, but right now there is a trilogy she loves so much she refers to the three books as street drugs. I’ve read 2/3 of the trilogy and found it good but not amazing, she obviously found it amazing. I guess I’m trying to say, the best writing doesn’t always have the biggest impact because writing isn’t the only thing we connect to in a book.

  2. I totally relate to what you wrote about reading a great book making you doubt your own writing. I don’t really know the solution (although Downton Abbey and a hot shower both seem like excellent stress relief activities to me). What I know is that sometimes I think I can write at all and sometimes I think I am the best writer in the world, so I am obviously not the best judge of my own writing.

    Despite your doubts, you have a lot of external validation that you are in fact a good writer. You have an agent and a book deal and a very well written blog – which all make me think that you don’t “write drivel”. Good luck finding your rhythm. I know it is hard, but think about how good it feels when it actually happens. The floundering about is part of the creative process as well.

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