My admissions team just hosted 200 high school students for an overnight visit event. It’s a wonderful event, and the students have a great time. It’s probably our most fun event of the year: games and worship and chapel and classes and tours and lots of good food!
But for an introvert, it’s a type of annihilation.
I spent most of today sleeping. My battery was on less than empty, and I needed today to recharge.
So tonight I had a bowl of Lucky Charms, took a hot shower, slapped on some Valor essential oil, and prayed. Lately, I feel a sense of being held together only when I am in prayer or writing a letter to my future, calmer, more-accomplished self through FutureMe.org.
I’m reading Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein, and it’s so amazing that it makes me feel like I write drivel.
My to-be-read list is out of control.
What should I read next???
I chose to watch the final episode of season 3 of Downton Abbey tonight. No spoilers, but UGH.
My next draft is due March 24th, and I need to find a rhythm. I made myself a three-step to-do list tonight, which sounds easy enough, but each step is flabbergastingly huge and one is nearly inconceivable. Writing is so hard.
I wish I could just push pause on life for a few months– to catch up on sleep, to catch up on reading, to learn to be a better writer. But I am trying to have faith: I will find a rhythm, butt-in-seat will mean a better manuscript a month from now, and God will not abandon me or our book.
I think I need some chocolate milk. That’s step zero. Then I dive back in.
JACKIE LEA SOMMERS 
Argh!
I wrote such a great comment, and it went away.
What I meant to say is this:
don’t beat yourself up over so many books to read.
And maybe put some aside,
or not buy new ones yet.
I just took a bunch back to the library that I didn’t read.
It was intimidating looking at that huge pile.
It’s harder in YA.
The books are longer!
You’re going a great job!
Keep up the good work!
And yeah, Code Name Verity.
when I read a killer book, I just think,
“I want my writing to be killer too.”
And we can make that happen.
With a TON of revision. 🙂
I want my writing to be killer too. I get nervous that it’s not POSSIBLE for my writing to be that good, that no matter how hard I work, I just won’t have it in me.
I think that’s foolish to think that way, and a fearful response. I try to swallow the fear and just get back to revisions.
But it’s still hard and scary.
I think we all see killer writing like CNV and think writing that way is the only way to achieve our goals. I know I often overlook how meaningful good enough can be. I have a pretty solid bell curve in my goodreads ratings and although I would love to replace some of those 2 & 1 star books with 4 & 5 I feel good about all the three stars. Sometimes I don’t need a book to have all the feels, I just need it to have the right feels at the right time. Does that make sense?
I follow a book vlogger (a.k.a. book-tuber) who loves The Iliad and The Things They Carried and other amazing books, but right now there is a trilogy she loves so much she refers to the three books as street drugs. I’ve read 2/3 of the trilogy and found it good but not amazing, she obviously found it amazing. I guess I’m trying to say, the best writing doesn’t always have the biggest impact because writing isn’t the only thing we connect to in a book.
That is so true, Caitlin. And every reader is different. I need to remember that. Still, I worry about “capping” at a mediocre point.
I totally relate to what you wrote about reading a great book making you doubt your own writing. I don’t really know the solution (although Downton Abbey and a hot shower both seem like excellent stress relief activities to me). What I know is that sometimes I think I can write at all and sometimes I think I am the best writer in the world, so I am obviously not the best judge of my own writing.
Despite your doubts, you have a lot of external validation that you are in fact a good writer. You have an agent and a book deal and a very well written blog – which all make me think that you don’t “write drivel”. Good luck finding your rhythm. I know it is hard, but think about how good it feels when it actually happens. The floundering about is part of the creative process as well.
“The floundering about is part of the creative process as well.” I wish more authors would be honest about this, so that I didn’t feel so alone!!!
Rooting for you – hope you find that rhythm soon!