A Hard Decision for this Season

Routine blog readers know that I’ve been remarkably stressed in the last few months.  My stress level rocketed to such a high level on Tuesday that I thought I was nearing a panic attack.  Today I met with a therapist to talk over this season of my life and get some advice.

Right now, I am trying to juggle:
* working full-time as a college recruiter, a very fun but very socially draining role for an introvert
* revising Truest
* writing a first draft of my next book
* authoring this blog
* engaging in important conversations with fellow obsessive-compulsives
* volunteering with OCD Twin Cities
* trying to be a semi-decent friend, sister, and daughter
* a valiant attempt at healthier living.

I am not doing it well.  I’ve scaled back from my former routine of posting daily, yet I’ve still not found enough margin in my life to be comfortable for long.

The therapist tonight spoke the phrase I’ve been avoiding: “I think you need to cut something out.”

I pushed back: “These are life-giving things to me!”

He said: “The individual things are great, but they’re combining to a sum total that isn’t manageable.”

In my head, I thought of household chemicals that are fine on their own but lethal when combined.

Still, I fought it, saying, “Well, right now, what’s being cut out is sleep, healthy eating, and exercise.”

And he said, “That’s not sustainable.  You need to cut something else.”

So, with regret, for the time being, I have removed my email address from my website.  Many of you already have my email address, and you are welcome to continue using it.  I value our relationships!  But for now, I’ll be interacting with new blog readers primarily only through social media: blog comments, Facebook, Tumblr.  I had never imagined a day when I’d be withdrawing like this, and I’ll be honest, I don’t like it.  It feels cruel and a little traitorous to our deeply beloved and deeply wounded community.  I hope that people will understand.  It is one variable in my life when so many other things are non-negotiable.  I apologize.

In the absence of my email address, I will be adding some new heart-to-heart letters to OCs on this blog, which– while not the same as a personal response– will allow me to share my heart with my fellow obsessive-compulsives in the meantime.

I’ll still be blogging regularly.  You won’t miss me much (or at all).  Thanks for sticking with me in this stressful season of my life!  I’m so grateful for an amazing online community and the greatest friends and family ever.

10 thoughts on “A Hard Decision for this Season

  1. I think Janet hit the nail on the head. Please take care of yourself. Think of it this way. Imagine that inside your self you have a pot filled with positive energy. As you use that energy you have to replace it or else you run the risk of burning out. Please don’t think it’s selfish to fill up your pot. You need to ensure yourself a full pot in order to keep up your efforts at helping others. So when it comes down to it, your not taking good care of yourself only for you but for us OCD people too.

  2. you are more than a semi decent sister, you are an AMAZING deetie!! and i still have your email!!!!! 😉 but i am trying to do the same thing! this i felt pulled in so many different directions! gotta take care of yourself too! its tough though! praying!

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