Holding Both in Such Weak Hands

flare
verb
to suddenly burn or shine brightly

flare
noun
an exacerbation of a chronic disease

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Can’t write much today because my wrists have been in pain for almost 24 hours now. Just trying to rest: pared down my to-do list to just three things, this blog post being one of them. Earlier today, I would not have been able to type it out. This evening, I am a little better.

I want to shine bright, make a difference, be a leader in thought and action. Sometimes it can feel so impossible with a body that feels like a leaky bucket: hard to store up energy when the most mundane things seem to leech power. Some days I feel like a rag that has been wrung out.

I know I am blessed with resources, privileged: I can afford pain meds and peppermint oil, my employer works with me and not against me, I have a support system that could make a king envious.

So, somehow, I get to do both. I get to flare up in multiple ways. Perhaps not at the same time.

But then again, with all I’ve learned of vulnerability: maybe so.

blake-cheek-617240-unsplash.jpg

Photo by Blake Cheek on Unsplash

One thought on “Holding Both in Such Weak Hands

  1. You are not alone Jackie! I too have a chronic illness…and there is no cure. I’ve been in treatment for 28 years! I too have a good support system and am blessed. And I too want to have a positive impact on this world. It’s hard. There’s no way around it (at least for me). I have good days and bad. I suspect the rest of my life will follow the same pattern. We just have to keep making the most of the “hand we have been dealt”. Easy to say. Not always easy to do. One day at a time…one minute at a time when necessary. “I am alive. I will survive.” (Author unknown).
    Hang in there!
    Blessings,
    Paul K.

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