I barely know where to start.
This is not going to be tidy. Then again, neither is online dating.
I’ve been attempting to find love online since January– I’ve heard from over 2000 men, talked to a couple hundred online, talked to a handful on the phone, and met with a small number of those who survived the gauntlet.
In honor (lament?) of the ten months I’ve survived online dating, here are 10 things I’ve learned. Warning: there are a handful of screenshots to back up my points. I’ve chosen pretty tame ones, but they still might offend you if you’re very sensitive to this sort of thing.
- A great profile without a great photo won’t even be looked at.
- Almost no one reads your profile anyway. Your profile might say that your dealbreakers are X, Y, and Z, and Mr. XYZ will still say, “Wassup?”
- If you then mention you don’t want XYZ, he will suddenly say, “Wow, I didn’t even realize that was on there! Yeah, I hate XYZ too.” Right.
- Hook-up culture is not only on Tinder. I have found this attitude on every dating site with one exception (eHarmony)– yes, even Christian dating sites.
- Everything is about sex.
- Online dating can make you feel like a queen or like garbage. Sometimes in the same day. Sometimes by the same person.
- Ghosting is a real thing– when someone you’ve talked to consistently suddenly vanishes without saying goodbye– and it is more heartbreaking that I could have guessed. This happened to me twice and still messes with my mind. I don’t want to be dramatic, but ghosting leaves scars.
- 85-90% of the men online act like dogs and you’re a T-bone steak. When a man is respectful, it’s almost shocking.
- Chemistry is so much more rare than I’d expected. I am someone who naturally connects well with people in person, and I’m a good communicator, so this surprised me.
- I am a strong woman, and I can clap back at men who treat me wrong, and I still have to return to my girlfriends over and over to make sure I’m not letting my standards slide. When the majority of men treat women awful, it can make a guy look like a prince just for not harassing ya. Ridiculous.
So. Now what? I don’t know.
I really don’t.
The end. Maybe.