Some of you remember when I interviewed Hannah, a former HOCD sufferer, on my blog.
Hannah is open to a second interview, if there are enough questions from blog readers. First, if you haven’t already read her first interview, read it at the link above. Then leave your questions for Hannah in the comments below.
I’ll curate.
JACKIE LEA SOMMERS 
How do you get past the feeling that the thoughts felt so real even though you knew they were not in line at all with your inner values?
Did you find that the body sensations were the hardest to deal with and overcome? I feel I can handle the thoughts and be strong that they are a lie as I feel anxious and disgusted and I use this as proof. Although I feel equally as anxious and disgusted by the body sensations, feeling ‘turned on’ is also supposed to be a pleasurable feeling, which makes me panic even further and is the biggest fear and the hardest part of hocd to handle. I feel I can rationalise all but this, and am scared that despite wanting to be with a man, I can only be sexually stimulated by what has turned me on before – something as simple as seeing two women kiss on the TV. It’s such a barrier to what I hope could be a very fulfilling relationship with a man! I am otherwise a boy-crazy girl, a big flirt really!…but start feeling anxious as soon as things start getting sexual because of my hocd! P.s. Thank you for being so open about sharing your story with us Hannah!
Hi – yes, I am wondering what it has been like trying to date people. I have been doing ERP therapy for over a year, seeing my therapist about 1 time a month – its expensive and I may be losing my insurance, so it will be even more expensive. But, I am finding it helpful. It just seems to be taking a long time for me to get to a place where I am not obsessing when I am with a woman I like. I think she thinks I am gay – it sucks big time.
After a year of dealing with this particular theme I’ve found that the crippling anxiety aspect of it is gone, however I do struggle with nagging doubt. It usually shows up when I’m face to face with a member of the same sex. I feel this need to know for 100% sure whether I’m attracted or not attracted. What techniques did you use to accept the doubt/uncertainty?
Did you have a “backdoor spike” when recovering? How did you deal with this?
Did your thoughts consume you? I can’t go an hour without having invasive thoughts, is this normal?
What thoughts did you have that stressed you out the most and what did you do to overcome these?
Can you remember how quickly you began to feel your anxiety lift after beginning ERP?
It is so comforting to know that you recovered from this and feel like yourself again. I miss that feeling so so much.
Jackie, could you please ask Hannah if she can give another interview?
Hannah is always up for more interview questions– I just don’t always know what more to ask her! If you (or others) have questions, post them here!
I’d like to know if she ever got to the point of disqualifying the female gender. If she ever thought that women are not important, intelligent, etc. I’m asking this because I tend to think that we don’t deserve the love of a man, that it is shameful for a man to be with a woman, etc, even though i want a man to love me.
The gentle feminist in me wants to ask: do you really believe that, or does that feel like an OCD thought?
Jackie, of course i dont believe that! Im around the most brilliant females i could ever see in life, including you and me! Im a feminist myself! Its just this damn hocd killing me!
Maybe its a result of my low self esteem, a way of overgeneralizing it… Ive always felt rejected by boys and everything.
Sorry for flooding you with questions, but at the moment you are the only one i can count on, i swear! Its been hell to me! Im exhausted, diminished, i want to vanish away… running out of strength… and yet i have so many things to do: my job, my studies, my family. Im afraid of telling everything to my therapist.
Sometimes i just want to sleep forever.
Haha, okay, just checking!! 🙂
But I DO understand how OCD can twist just about ANYTHING into a lie. So, even though I never experienced this lie, I get it. I really do.
Is your therapist an ERP specialist? Oh, you were saying that you’re overseas, yes?
My ERP therapist does Skype appointments, and has even done them with one of my blog readers living in Ireland. I hope you’ll contact him! Dr. Chris Donahue. His contact info is under the OCD & Twin Cities part of my blog.
I know what it’s like to want to sleep forever. Hang in there, honey. You can beat this. You can love life again. Believe me. Would you consider ERP Skype sessions with my therapist?
Thank you, Jackie. God bless you.
I just feel weaker and weaker each day… Im just like trash in the morning and its a battle to go to work.
I dont know if i can afford the skype sessions together with my face to face therapy, because the dollar is quite expensive now. 😦
I have all symptoms of people suffering from hocd, and im quite afraid of the treatment.
Jackie, i dont understand. Although id had other crises before, i went through them and was leading a happy life, full of plans and dreams, and even in love with a boy. Out of the blue this hocd struck me and im paralyzed again. I cant stand it…
The only treatment I know is ERP therapy, dear. It WORKS. It gave me back my life in 12 weeks. If you can’t afford Skype sessions, then do ERP at home. It’s the frontline treatment.
You can do this.
Thank you once more, Jackie. I was so devastated this morning that i even threw up. 😦
Ill stop bothering you, its just that i have no one to share this with.
From your experience with erp, does it cause anxiety post exposure? I mean, when you are doing the exposures you dont feel that anxious or sad, but it happens later on that day or on the following day?
I did an exposure activity yesterday, but it didnt make me that anxious during it. I felt more anxious after it.
Thank you.
I think it’s different for different people. Mine was usually while doing the exposure and immediately after.
Thank you! I think this state is the “hell” in erp you told us about. I want to have my life back!!
Jackie, there is a kind guy who owns a blog about ocd, who one day wrote, in our first language, that ocd makes us more sensitive to others’ pain and sufering (not necessarily ocd). I couldnt identify more with that statement. We’ve been so much shaken that it breaks our hearts to see other people cry. If i could, id stop it all with a scream, but all ive got is my human condition. All ive got is a mind which is sometimes impaired by a relentless monster, and a heart that cries out for mercy and for a miracle.
I have a heart that connects with people i dont even know, and now i have brothers and sisters who wish they can be free.
Is there is ever a bright side of ocd, that is compassion. Id never been able to understand it before, but now i do. I really do. Compassion is not pity. Compassion is not merely feeling sorry for others and shaking our heads in sympathy. Compassion, to me, is trying to be in our brother or sister’s shoes, and reaching out our weary hands, which barely have strength to hold on to anything. And yet we are still standing, thank the Lord above.
I look forward to recovering and to helping others, but im afraid of making this help a trigger itself. But God will lead me to His best way.
Would you like to write a post about ocd and compassion? It would be great to hear from you.
Hi I’m 16 female suffering from hocd I’ve never experienced same sex atraction I still don’t I just started freaking out that I might be gay wich is ridiculous cause I like boys I want it to stop
Hi dear! The best treatment for HOCD (or any kind of OCD) is exposure therapy (also called ERP) … I have tons of info about it at http://www.jackieleasommers.com/OCD!