I woke up this morning with clouds in my head.
Nothing had happened. Nothing was/is wrong. But I feel like I’m in a fog.
My friend Cindy reminded me that it’s a lie. It feels good to know that.
I went back to sleep until 1 PM. When I got up, I got ready right away, knowing that staying in my pajamas would only make things worse.
I took the longest shower known to man, asking God to bring life back into me.
Now it’s 2:30 PM, and I haven’t eaten yet. Feeling too numb to exert effort, I poured myself a bowl of cereal. Then realized I had no milk. Then started to cry.
I can’t nail this down. It helps to know my body is just lying to me. I really am excited about life (as a pre-scheduled post later today will share), eager for the new year and all it holds. I just feel horrible right now. I don’t want to complain to all my friends because I feel like that’s all I ever do. So I decided to share with my blog readers.
Sometimes I forget what depression is like. It’s been so long. Now that I’m reminded, I want to go back into my acquired ignorance.
My best friend Erica is coming over in a little bit. That will be good. Even though all I want to do right now is crawl back into bed and sleep until 2014 is underway, I know that it is better that I ignore the lies and do my best to celebrate with Eir.
I don’t know what could have possibly happened overnight. Sorry to everyone else who is feeling this way. It’s a lie. Life is good. There is much to look forward to. God bless.