I have been hearing from so many OCs lately who are so utterly exhausted from battling their own thoughts. One person told me she has no fight left in her. Another told me he is at the end of his rope, that he cannot survive one more spike in his obsessions. This post is for them and others like them.
There is hope.
Please hear what I am saying. There. Is. Hope.
I mean that. I wish that I could take your face into my hands right now, lean in close, and say this to you: There is hope.
I have been where you are. I have been through the mania, when anxiety was clawing through my nerves like a high-pitched dissonant chord. I have been through the disgust, when the thoughts I’ve had in my head have made me feel like a monster, feel sick to my stomach, feel certain that I was the absolute worst person on earth. I have been through the battles, when my compulsions were firing about 10 times each second in the search for some relief. I have been in the pit, when I was too fargone into the darkness of depression to be able to lift my face. I have been hopeless, feeling confident that I would never not feel this sickness, this wrongness, this terror, and this shame.
But I’m not there anymore.
Oh, I still have OCD. For most of us, it’s a lifelong disorder. But, get this, I am in control of it– it does not control me. My intrusive thoughts are rare, my obsessions manageable, and I can resist my compulsions. I am happy again. I don’t spend all day every day worried and sick over the what ifs. I have a healthy relationship with uncertainty. I’d always thought it was my enemy, but it never was.
OCD was– and is– the enemy. If you know the name of your enemy, you can fight it. OCD is an illness, a medical condition, and just like a broken bone, there are options you can reach to for healing.
Three things.
1) Cognitive-behavioral therapy, specifically exposure and response prevention (ERP). This is the preferred method of treatment for OCD and the most effective when done right. ERP is not the same as talk therapy. ERP has homework. Hard homework. But the reward is freedom!
2) Medication. This, when combined with ERP, can be highly effective. Finding the right medication is hard. But worth it.
3) Jesus Christ. My Great Physician rescued not just my mind and my body but also my soul. Do you know him?
Listen to me again: There is hope.
Take deep breaths. Your thoughts are only thoughts. And, let’s be honest, with OCD in the mix, they’re probably not even your thoughts … they belong to your disorder. Calm your breathing. Cry until you can’t cry anymore. Try your best to get a good night’s rest. Tomorrow you will begin your search for a cognitive-behavioral therapist.
Tomorrow is your first day on your journey toward freedom.
JACKIE LEA SOMMERS 
Jackie, once again you have touched on what I believe is the most important message for those who suffer from OCD…….there is ALWAYS HOPE for recovery and ERP Therapy is the frontline treatment for OCD. Thanks for continuing to spread the word!
Thank you for spreading hope, Jackie.
Jackie you are a light in the darkness — a spiritual weapon God has chosen — You do such good fighting for others.
Amen. The darkness passes. And hope is life to the soul that is crushed under the burden of OCD.
Hi Jackie, I nominated your blog in one of my posts:
http://itsnotmeitsmyocd.wordpress.com/2013/04/07/blog-for-mental-health-2013/
Oh, that’s awesome! I can’t wait to do this too!
Love it Jackie! Not OCD or uncertainty, but the fact that you have overcome it! And that you are helping others do the same. Keep going girl! I love the work you do!
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Thank you Jackie. My hope is that my daughter who is battling OCD will see the hope and receive the help that is available. Thank you for sharing and I pray she reads this post and sees that there are others out there and there is a way out.
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Thank-you.
d/:0)
Thank you for stopping by, David! Come again!
Thank you so so much Jackie. I am so glad I’ve found your blog. I’m a mum of 4 who has been struggling with blasphemous thoughts/obsessions/unpardonable sin fears/fear of hell/condemnation since I was 12. I’ve struggled through and am now almost 32, and am only just now realising I most probably have Pure-o. I’ve been to psychologists before for depression but never for OCD. The depression is a symptom of the possible OCD I now realise. I am so so tired of living with this, so tired of fighting the mental battle day in day out, so tired of feeling relief for a moment and then starting all over again. I feel like there is no hope for me, noone really knows how I truly feel inside my head, and I’m so worried I’ve gone to far for God to ever bring me back. I recently contacted a psychologist but can’t get in for a month, I know another month in 20 years of mental torture won’t really matter, but I feel it’s getting worse each day. It’s affecting my parenting, and my children, and my husband and my life, though I hide it very very well. We’re currently on campus at a Bible College where my husband is studying (we’re in Australia), and it’s really exaggerated since we’ve arrived here. My worry is that if I get treatment for OCD and then still have the thoughts, does it mean I was me, and not the OCD all along? I am so worried that I believe the thoughts when I know deep down I don’t. Anyway, I’m just so glad I’m not alone and there are others that have been through this and come out the other side. I don’t want to live in fear and anxiety for the rest of my life. 😦
You poor dear!
No, it’s not you at all: if those were your real, true thoughts, then you wouldn’t be so repulsed by them. They wouldn’t cause that sort of intense anxiety.
I can’t say enough how much freedom (in Christ!!) ERP therapy has given to me. I feel so much closer to God than I have in years. In the 5 years since ERP therapy, my life is completely different and I am loving my journey with Jesus!
Thank you Jackie, I appreciate that. I’m hoping the psychologist I have contacted in Tasmania where we are staying will be able to do ERP therapy – I know they do some type of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Perhaps it’s called something different here in Australia. We’re from Queensland in Australia and moved down to Tasmania in February, so being away from the familiar and family and friends has probably exaggerated my problems as well. Anyway, thanks again and I’m so glad I found your blog.
I’m happy you did too! Please do read up as much as you can about ERP on my blog and email me if you have questions! My email address is under the about section!
Also, I haven’t had a “diagnosis” as such though my Dr has offered me medication (for depression) – is this something i would bring up with the pscyhologist, the possibility of OCD? And ask for a diagnosis?
Yes! (Although what you have sounds EXACTLY like my OCD, so I feel confident that’s what it is … but a diagnosis will be a great first step for you!)
Thank you! It’s so good to be closer to some answers, to possibly put a “name” to what’s been happening all these years.
I don’t know if this is normal, but it feels sometimes as if freedom is scary. Almost as if I want my OCD.
I completely understand! I actually blogged about that at https://jackieleasommers.com/2013/06/16/ocd-stockholm-syndrome/
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I haven’t spontaneously cried from something in so long, it felt so good. Thanks for this, I needed that.
Thank you for your sweet comment, Kayden! Welcome to my website. I hope you’ll find whatever you need here.
Thank you Jackie. Every day is a pitched battle against an implacable foe. I needed a morale boost.
I promise I have been there, and I promise the other side is worth it. Don’t give up. I have lots of resources on this site, friend.
Thanks for responding so quickly Jackie. I’ve been dealing with harm OCD in the wake of a marriage breakdown and, true to form, the OCD has latched onto what us most precious to me.
Thank you for your advocacy on behalf of pure O sufferers and for your positive and encouraging words.
God bless,
Scott
…”Try your best to get a good night’s rest. Tomorrow you will begin your search for a cognitive-behavioral therapist.”
I can’t get a good nights sleep my obsessive thoughts have entered my dreams. My whole world is fear. I tried finding a behavioral therapist, but they are all booked many months in advance. The once I talked to listen to me for 45 minutes once a week. I’m alone. This disorder has reduced me to a scared, frail being afraid of my own thoughts, afraid that tomorrow it could get worse. I’ve lost weight because I have no appetite and no energy. I never thought it could get this BAD and hopeless. I don’t remember what it’s like to be happy, care free or even bored. I’m always anxious. I’ve never hurt anyone in my life, all I wanted to do is daydream and create art, I can’t do that anymore. Everything hurts.
I’m so sorry, friend, and I have been there too. Would it feel productive to track down a book about ERP, since you can do ERP without a therapist while you wait? I recommend Dr. Jonathan Greyson’s Freedom from OCD.
How would you compare doing ERP on your own vs with a therapist? It seems like every OCD sufferer is completely on their own inside their head. Also the therapist gives you an hour of their time once or twice a week so you’re on your own anyways.
I think the ERP specialist is equipping sufferers to do it on their own anyway. It all depends on a person’s needs. There are residential ERP programs even. I did the once a week for twelve weeks thing. But for those without resources, I think it’s important they get started with the help of a book to guide them.