On this first night of 2012, I am thinking about my favorite book, The Last Battle, written by C.S. (Jack) Lewis. If you haven’t read The Chronicles of Narnia yet, then 2012 is your year! These books have been so important in my life that I find myself reading the entire series about 6-8 times a year. They are well worth the time invested.
In The Last Battle, there is incredible confusion in Narnia– there is an imposter pretending to be Aslan, the great Lion, who is making terrible commandments. There is one bit of dialogue I’d like to share with you:
You will go to your death, then,” said Jewel.
“Do you think I care if Aslan doomes me to death?” said the King. “That would be nothing, nothing at all. Would it not be better to be dead than to have this horrible fear that Aslan has come and is not like the Aslan we have believed in and longed for? It is as if the sun rose one day and were a black sun.”
“I know,” said Jewel. “Or if you drank water and it were dry water. You are in the right, Sire. This is the end of all things.”
During my darkest OCD moments, this is how I felt– and actually some of my issues I refered to as “black sun obsessions”– obsessions where the ground was taken from beneath my feet, where I felt as if my entire worldview was being dismantled. Those nights, my soul felt as if there were no place to land. I was in free-fall.
But, later in the book, the King and Jewel discover the Truth— that an ape is behind this entire masquerade.
But now, as Tirian looked round on the miserable faces of the Narnians, and thought how they would all believe that Aslan and Tash were one and the same, he could bear it no longer.
“Ape,” he cried, “You lie. You lie damnably. You lie like a Calormene. You lie like an Ape.”
What I am trying to say is this: there are no black suns if you love Jesus Christ– only things that appear to be black suns. He is bigger than our obsessions, and He is the solid ground beneath our feet. It may feel as though Christianity could crack down the middle like a split log, but God is our gravity. I was never in free-fall; I was lying in the great palm of my God.