I just wrote a long, thoughtful, tearful post about chronic illness, online dating, jealousy, and grief. Only it was too long, and Instagram kicked me out and I lost it all.
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Maybe it was only meant for me, in the end. Now it’s nearly midnight, I’m soul-tired, and I’m thanking God for Prozac while my body and brain are screaming for The Way Things Used To Be.
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Sometimes I act like I’m just in this temporary space, and it’s true I’ve come a million miles from this time last year. But a million miles didn’t get me back to where I was. And another million may not either.
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I have five non-negotiable parts of my life right now, a sixth that I deeply desire but have put on hold. And yet, I have energy for about… Two-ish. How can I honor God, invest in people I love, work full-time, add meaning and purpose to my life via creativity, and keep fighting for my health? Let alone find love AND get my garbage disposal fixed!
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Time for sleep, an audio book, more tears, and letting Prozac and Effexor (my beautiful meds I forgot to take this morning) do their thing and carry me from the basement up to the main floor, just in time for Monday.
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Love,
Jackie
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#blog #spoonielife #spoontheory #spoonie #enneagram4 #enneagram4w3 #mentalillness #onlinedatingistheworst #ISOsexymanwholikestoreadandfixgarbagedisposals

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