HOCD: A Letter to Loved Ones

I hope this helps someone.


Here are a couple hard truths:
1) I hear from more OCD sufferers dealing with HOCD than with any other theme.
2) Many of these sufferers are quite young, still in school, unsure how to seek out help, and scared to share their hard-to-explain concerns with parents or other trusted people in their lives.

I want so much to do something meaningful to help them find their footing.

So, I’m writing here a letter that they can show their parents/trusted advisors. I’m hoping to be a voice if they can’t find their own.

Friends, feel free to share this as needed.

hocd letter

Dear friend of a reader of my blog, hello.

You’ve likely been sent to this blog post by someone who wasn’t able to articulate what he or she is going through– suffering from– or someone who was too scared to trust their own voice and explanation. I hope I…

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5 thoughts on “HOCD: A Letter to Loved Ones

  1. Hi may i ask for you opinion? I am not sure if you even reply anymore but here it goes. Well i have always been anxious and would get fears in my head that would torment me for weeks somtimes months.. Things such as death, illnesses, and things ahout heven and demons . Now its hocd i think. I am a girl btw i know deep down i am straight im my puberty years i did watch lesbian porn on occasion but always loved boys and still do never girls ever i have had many crushes on only boys dremt about my future and having kids being happ. But now i have a constant fear of being bi or lesbian mostly bi now. I have the absolute worst anxiety i cry every night and i have to constantly tell myself its not true you know you are straight and i also have to say prayers i beg god to take this away from me.. I have read all your posts and have been looking into some self erp and just letting the thoughts be there and not telling my self no this is not me i am not bi. It has helped and i have alot more moments of clarity that i know i am straight i even have a crush on a cute boy at a store and it makes me feel so happy.. But these thoughts wont go away and it is really taking a toll my anxiety is through the roof at times i am becoming depressed the only thing that is bothering me truly is the past porn stuff(sorry i know gross) i don’t watch it anymore btw and have not for a year or two and i have never questioned this ever until i saw a post from josh hutcherson he said ” i am straight but i wont say that i will never fall in love with a man because you never know” well that triggerd it i freaked out like what if it happens to me no i dont want this. That same night i felt this crazy need to confess or something like guilt idk and went to my mom and said “im bisexual i think i dont want to be” then she asked me if i have ever liked a girl i said No and i dont want to i only like boys and want boys but what if in the future i am.. Well after a ling talk full of tears we concluded no i am not bisexual and i knew i was not in the first place i was and am straight. The thought went away i went back to normal happy me. Few months later it came back tenfold. I have been dealing with this for 4 months it is a nightmare i hate it so much i would rather have my other fears than this! But my past is just tormenting me to the point i have contemplated suicide.. I want a man to love and only a man.. I want to enjoy the crush i have now im 18 i should be loving life but alas i am miserable.. I cant go to a therapist now so how can i just move on. Do you have any self erp to deal with this i know you are not a therapist im sorry to bother also .. Does this sound like hocd/ocd or am i just crazy.. Again thank you for all the post about ocd i have a better understanding about what i may have been dealing with since i was little thank you

    • Hi Amber! Your story is very consistent with many, many HOCD cases. There are books that will guide you through self ERP. There are some recommended at https://jackieleasommers.com/2014/10/05/self-directed-erp-therapy. Remember that in ERP, you let the thoughts just exist and don’t perform compulsions. You say, “Maybe this is true about me, but I am not gonna do anything about it. It is what it is.” It sounds hard and it is. But eventually, it starts to sound like a lie. It can take 10-12 weeks for this to happen. Use a book if you won’t find a therapist. A book will guide you through it. I don’t recommend attempting it without a book at first. If you can’t afford one, request it from your local library. For all they know, you are writing a school paper on the topic. HOCD sucks, but ERP can steal its power. You can do this. Life is so good on the other side of ERP. I’ve been here eight years now and I’m never going back. Blessings.

  2. Thank you so much for replying. I will try to get these books and work to beat this and let the thoughts just flow.one thing when my past comes up in my head i have to tell myself you can’t change the past what happened happened move on. Somtimes that helps and other times it is tortuous but i try to keep from reassuring myself that it must mean this or dosnt mean that. I tried explaining this to my family but they don’t understand at all i am very close to them so doing this alone is so very hard as i dont have any friends either. Aneay thank you for some clarity and advice and for all the help you do for people on here! God bless you

    • If you find a book or post that resonates with you, ask your mom to read it, if you can! You will feel less alone! By the way, you are NOT alone. I hear from people with HOCD all the time. It’s very common, just not talked about much!

      • Again thank you your blog was a life saver and encourages me to keep pushing through. Even when it seems so dark and feels like i’m drowning… And this blog has really helped me understand ocd that its not just people who hate germs, i was ignorant in that aspect and never knew this could be my reality that i may have ocd and that ocd is so much more than the need for cleanliness and order. And i thank you for saying i am not alone. I often feel that way that im just an irrational worry wort and am the only one like this. But i can see that that is farther from the truth as i read through the comments and your blog. I will try so hard to beat this and try positive thoughts also, especially since suicide has been on my mind a lot lately..

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