Dark Promises

One of the worst bouts of intrusive thoughts I’ve had occurred for me in high school.  For a time, my intrusive thoughts were “God, I promise that I will …”

It could be something stupid.  Touch this lamp.  Not eat toast.  

But more often, it was something more difficult, a much bigger deal.  The one that kept forcing its way into my mind was, “God, I promise that I will go to hell.”

Well, that was a conundrum, eh?

I was a wreck.  I kept picturing myself getting to heaven’s gate and once I stepped inside those pearly gates– well, just doing so would then be breaking a promise to God (i.e., sinning), and then, wouldn’t I then get thrown out of heaven for my sin?

I was screwed either way.

Or so I thought.

But you can’t believe everything you think.  AMEN.

Has anyone else had intrusive thoughts similar to these?

dark promise

14 thoughts on “Dark Promises

  1. It is interesting when I read stories like this my heart breaks for that person because I know that they aren’t true, but when it comes to my own intrusive thoughts, they might as well be truth set in stone.

    • I’m the same way, AJ … as a mentor of high school and college students, there are things I could confidently say to them that I couldn’t tell myself. Total OCD double-standard. 😛

  2. AJ said it so well. Yes, I have these thoughts. When I was in high school, they tended to center around if I was loving others “perfectly.” Now, it’s overwhelming thoughts that I can’t pray if I’m not sure God exists. Super frustrating and distracting when I’m trying to pray, even a small prayer.

  3. Oh, I have had many similar thoughts. And I used to promise God that I wouldn’t do a compulsion, and then I would do it, then I would ask for forgiveness, but I had to pray in a certain way, over and over. I still have difficulty praying–I tend to think that I have to say the words in a certain way.

  4. I used to have these kinds of thoughts all the time. It hasn’t bothered me for awhile now, but when I first started having them, whoo, I was a wreck. >_>
    A lot of times, though, the thoughts are about the things I like and whether God’s “telling” me to not do them anymore or not. Like, I’ll pray, telling God that I give everything in my life to him and if he doesn’t want me to do such and such – if he wants to “kill it,” in other words (oh God, I kind of rue the day I came across that phrase in regard to doing what God wants me to do, because IT WILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE) – to please tell me so that I’m doing what he wants (because of course I’d feel guilty if I didn’t).
    Cue a few minutes later coming across something – a trigger phrase (i.e. “Just say goodbye”) or other coincidental happenstance – or having a thought pop into my head that spikes me to high heaven, wondering if God’s trying to get something through to me or if I just have tunnel vision because of my OCD and I’m just reading too much into things. 😦

  5. I had obsessions about asking Satan into my heart for awhile. I would get the thought and try to shut it down. I remember this bible verse helping me: “But the LORD said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

    I think it was the thought that God could see past my OCD, to my true self, to my true intentions….that lessened the fear. I still have trouble reading the bible, however.

      • I am, thanks! Your blog has helped me to integrate the whole OCD/religion thing and get a less distorted picture of things. I go in to meet with a therapist next week. I’m so ready to feel okay again. Your blog is a fantastic resource! I’m truly, truly glad you never gave up. :]

      • Oh my goodness, thank you! You’re so kind. It’s my absolute joy to tell people about what Christ has done for me. 🙂

        Let me know how your meeting with your therapist goes next week! Can’t wait to hear!

  6. I found this blog when i googled “obsessive promises”… Sometimes i have this feeling i am promising things that i dont want to promise and even when i fight it, i cannot help promising.
    Mostly its things that i like to do, but i feel this “like” is somehow selfish. Like for example getting a coffee or wearing a certain shirt. Or studying something that i like to learn.
    Then i cannot help it, but there seems to be this kind of pressure in my mind and it decides and says for a split second something like “i will quit doing this.”
    And after that i feel like i made an eternel promise. I even wrote some of them on a paper because i might forget.
    I think this is not the way God wants my mind to work, but i also feel “i cannot take the risk”. I pray God will make it clear and helps me not to make promises anymore.
    Anyway, i am glad to read that maybe other people have this too…

    • Hi Philip, for me it was OCD, which I treated with exposure and response prevention therapy. I don’t struggle with this anymore in the five years since ERP! If you think you might have OCD, you should be diagnosed by a professional and then do at least 12 weeks of ERP therapy!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s