Productivity really matters to me. A lot. Maybe too much.
This was my prayer the other night:
I love You, God. I really do. Why don’t I spend more time with You? I have this idea about productivity meaning that I churn out a product. But it is productive to spend time with You. I think of the Mary/Martha story– Martha was cleaning and serving and being productive, but You said that Mary made the better choice– to sit at Your feet and listen, adore. Calm me down. Help me to not feel like I always need to produce. I know that part of it is just the creative spirit that You gave me that drives me to create– and in so doing, I believe I am mimicking You, hopefully to Your glory– but I never want my creative tendencies to get into the way of my relationship with You. Holy Spirit, I need You to change this in me. Help me to be satisfied just to be with You. I do feel like we are together while I write– and I am writing for You– all I do is for You. I want to be like Mary, to sit at Your feet and adore. But it is not in my nature, Lord, so I will need You to engender that in me. Martha, Martha, you are worried about so many things. Jackie, Jackie.