Kissing Doorknobs

The other night, I posted the following on Facebook:
I definitely feel called by God to the novel I’m writing. “Kissing Doorknobs” (a YA novel about OCD) was huge in my life … like finding a friend who understood me. I hope the same for my novel! OCD is such an alienating disorder, so anytime you can find someone/something that understands you, it’s huge, like a reminder that you’re not alone.
I wanted to tell everyone a little more about the book Kissing Doorknobs, a story about a young girl named Tara and her battle with OCD.  Tara counts sidewalk cracks, kisses her fingers before she touches the doorknob, and recites prayers to calm herself. 
After I read this book, I handed it over to my mom, knowing it would help her understand me better.  I highly recommend this quick and easy read for anyone who has or suspects they might have OCD– but also for those of you who love an obsessive-compulsive. 
Here are some quotes from the book that jived with me:
“I was eleven years old and still in possession of my own thoughts.”  Because, believe me, in the throes of it all, ugly, unwanted thoughts were being fired at me like bullets.
“One tear fell down my right cheek.  Unbelievably and instantly, my left cheek felt cheated!”  Yep.  I used to do this with tapping my feet or fingers.
“I worried about death and heaven and Judgment Day.”  It was wonderful to encounter myself in the story.  It helped me to realize that I was normal– well, normal for an OC.
“I wanted to confess everything.  Everything.”  Enough said.
“I knew my worries weren’t normal.  I knew because my friends had worries too, but they were nothing like mine.  Mine were perpetual.”  Picture a girl who cried in bed every night for three years.
“It was like playing two video games at once or watching television and listening to the radio.  It was noisy.  It was exhausting.  It was stressful.”  See my poem that illustrates this.
“[I] was too afraid of the answer to ask him the question.”  Hence, my own parents didn’t even know that I cried every night.  5th-8th grade.  Doesn’t it break your heart?
“She never minded my doubts and consistently reassured me that I was not going to hell.”  Raise your hand if you’ve been this person in my life.  Okay, you can all put your hands down now!
“It was like paying attention to a dozen things at once.”
“Although [my parents] wanted to help, they didn’t know how, or even what was wrong with me.”
“I felt sick but wasn’t sure of what.”  In my own book, I describe it this way: “a nagging feeling in the back of my throat, the feeling you get when you’ve made a huge mistake but haven’t told anyone yet.  An ugly, wooden expectancy, guilt taking up space but not quite filling the emptiness.”
“I suspected she was always thinking things that were different from what she said.” and “they could all think something about me that they weren’t telling me.  They could pretend.”  In my own life, it spiralled into paranoia.  I thought my friends were demons trying to trick me into hell.  More on that later; aren’t you pumped? 😉
“doubt that I’d ever win the war for my freedom.”  Because OCD is slavery, to be honest.
I love hearing your comments and questions, so please leave one on here or on Facebook.  Thanks guys!

5 thoughts on “Kissing Doorknobs

  1. This breaks my heart to see how far you’ve come and how difficult this was for you. So thankful that this book is going to help others.

  2. Pingback: Question & Dancer: OCD & Family, Romanticizing Mental Illness, and What to Expect in OCD Remission | JACKIE LEA SOMMERS

  3. Pingback: OCD & Depression Book Recs | JACKIE LEA SOMMERS

  4. Pingback: “Help! My parents won’t believe me!” | JACKIE LEA SOMMERS

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